The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 14 September 2011

Tories Woo Women.

In a desperate attempt to try and get women onside the Tories have launched a "charm offensive." A Tory spokesman told us; "Women don't like us much since we've tried to destroy their children's education, ruin their future and starve them to death. All this is a bit of a puzzle but we've decided to meet this problem head on. The party has drawn up plans, therefore, to patronize them into submission. Plans include a revival of the Women's Institute, getting women out of the work place and back into the home where they belong and knitting and embroidery lessons." It's rumoured that Nick Clegg is contemplating a similar programme for the LibDems. "Nick is quite keen on the idea," a LibDem spokesman explained, "especially as his own wife won't be seen dead with him."

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