Hospital to be Flogged Off to Fatcat Developers.

Imperisl College Healthcare Trust has announced that it is closing one of its hospitals because it is essentially bankrupt. "We have no choice but to sell the site," a spokesperson told this reporter, "especially after we noticed Tories circling overhead." Plans have been drawn up to turn St.Mary's Paddington into a block of overpriced apartments for the underserving rich. "We did consider building affordable housing but the developers have persuaded us that having a huge number of empty properties is a much better investment and, after all, we're not a bleading charity." A Tory spokesperson has welcomed the news. "We're very excited by this development. It hasn't been easy to bankrupt a Healthcare Trust without someone noticing or to persuade that Trust to flog off what is a national asset to our mates in the property development industry. At last we can move ahead with our plan to turn Britain into a place fit for wealthy tax dodgers to live." Asked whether the government shouldn't be protecting the NHS on behalf of the taxpayer the spokesman replied. "The taxpayer? Why should we care about them? Taxpayers tend to be ordinary working people and they can't even be bothered to vote for us. If it wasn't for the other branch of the Conservative Party, the LibDems, we'd still be out of power. No, its our job to undermine the NHS for those who don't pay tax, otherwise they might end up paying something after all." Ed Milliband was critical of the plan. "I tried to buy a couple of the aprtments as an investment for my kids but was told there was a waiting list. That's a load of tosh as I happen to know that most of the aprtments will remain empty for years. My party didn't stand idly by and watch the property market go tits up without learning a thing or two. I know that keeping most properties empty is very important if you're going to maintain ludicrous price levels, but, I ask you, shouldn't MP's be exempt? We're exempt from most other nasty things that happen to ordinary people. I blame the government - whoever they are."