The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 31 August 2012

House Prices Rising And Falling At The Same Time

Two stories today point out in no uncertain terms the madness that reigns in the UK housing market. While, according to the Nationwide Building Society, house prices have "jumped" upwards by 1.3%, Stoke-On-Trent City council is desperately selling off empty houses for £1 each. With 5,000 empty houses and the city literally dying on its feet, the Council feels it has no choice since it simply cannot afford to look after these properties while families are desperate for somewhere to live. These two stories illustrate several different points about the upside-down topsy-turvey world that is the British housing market. The most obvious is the north-south divide, with the south continuing to do quite well out of the institutionalised unfairness of the British economy while the north, forgotten and unregarded, continues to sink into oblivion. The second point is that estate agents, desperate for "the good old days" when they could sell houses at unrealistic prices to people who couldn't afford them, are lying through their teeth - putting up prices in their window displays but failing to sell any of them. But the most telling point is how the London housing market, which has continued to rise on the back of corporate and political corruption, is warping the rest of the market. This simple fact also illustrates well the strategy of the Tory party which consists of turning London into a bunker for the rich, pulling up the drawbridge and turning their backs on the rest of the country. This Tory government has simply become the town council for the capital, determined to protect the privileged position of the financial quarter which, for them, is the only industry that counts.

Tories Punish The Homeless

There are over 700,000 families in Britain without proper homes and, coincidentally, there are over 700,000 boarded-up and empty properties. Many, if not most, of these empty properties are owned by property speculators who are hoarding their portfolio until the property market "improves." Many more are empty because the rents being demanded by greedy landlords are far, far too high. And, of course, in a property market deliberately inflated by the activity of criminals within the banking system, many people simply cannot afford to buy a home of their own. The Tories, in their own inimitable style, have looked at this problem and come up with a solution that only they could regard as sensible or fair - they have swept away the ancient laws on squatting. Any homeless person found living in a house left abandoned by its owner will be arrested, fined up to £5,000 and threatened with imprisonment. This, the Tories say with a smirk, will "protect hardworking home owners", conjuring up a picture of middle-class families being dispossesed by feckless criminals breaking into their homes while they are out at work. It will, of course, do no such thing. The measure is meant to protect the financial interests of property speculators, the favoured part-time activity of many MP's who fund this by stealing tax payers money, and is specifically designed to help support an unsustainable property market. However, it is quite likely that the Tories have taken what was a largely invisible problem and forced it onto the streets for all to see - shooting themselves, once again, in the foot and showing themselves up for the selfish, callous, vicious and narrow-minded morons they are.

Tories Wreck Higher Education Market.

Having realised their long-standing ambition to turn higher education in Britain into an export only business, the Tories have now also decided to wreck the entire enterprise in an act of sheer wonton vandalism. London Metropolitan University has had its license to recruit and teach foreign students from outside the EU revoked, threatening 2,000 students with deportation from the country. We asked Michael Gove, the closest thing to a genius in the Tory party, for his view; "The Tory party is very concerned with the universities in Britain - both of them. Unlike Oxford or Cambridge the London Metropolitan is actually nothing better than a jumped up polytechnic and not a real university at all. Red-brick universities such as Manchester and Birmingham were bad enough, offering, as they did, degrees for the middle-classes, but allowing polytechnics to become universities and offering degrees to the peasants was a great mistake. We have now rectified this huge error by making higher education largely unaffordable for working-class scum. Our vision, in the Tory party, is for the children of wealthy foreign aristocrats to come to Britain in order to be taught such valuable subjects as the Classics, Greats and Theology. We certainly do not support a bunch of foreign peasants and illegal immigrants coming over here to study such useless subjects as Engineering or Town Planning and other such "trendy" subjects. With our deep understanding of the inner workings of the market in higher education we have decided, therefore, to undermine customer confidence in it before it gets out of hand. As everyone knows, encouraging insecurity in the wider economy has worked wonders in this country and we fully intend that this principle will form the basis of our educational export drive."

CBI Decide That National Sucide Is Best Policy

Having surveyed the wreckage of Britain's economy and concluded that George Osborne has been almost solely responsible for pushing the country into a double-dip recession, John Cridland, the head of the CBI pictured above, has declared that he and the organisation he represents "stand shoulder to shoulder" with the Chancellor. Nothing, perhaps, illustrates better the sheer idiocy of business leaders in Britain or their complete lack of imagination. Despite all the evidence most businessmen still see the Tory party as being "pro-business" and consider the idea of pauperising their customers as a good idea. The truth, of course, is that the Tories instinctively despise anyone engaged in "trade" and have absolutely no idea whatsoever as to how capitalism actually works. After 30 years of moving spending power from the many to the few with the inevitable loss of final demand in the economy, the Tories remain wedded to the ridiculous idea that the national economy is the same thing as a household budget. The reason for this is that the Tories love simplistic ideas that are easy to explain to a largely ignorant electorate even when those ideas are plainly and disasterously wrong. Why the CBI, who really should know better, go along with this utter nonsense is more difficult to explain. They are like a bunch of dinosaurs waving their handkerchiefs at the Tory meteorite that is streaking towards them and voicing their support the forthcoming global extinction event.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Nick Clegg Tries To Claw His Way Back.

Nick Clegg, probably the worst turncoat in the history of British politics, has apparently had an epiphany and come to the conclusion that perhaps, after all, wealthy people should pay taxes too. Telling the "Guardian" that the recession is deeper than expected and has mysteriously turned into a double-dip variety for no apparent reason, he has suggested that perhaps rich people should pay tax in the interests of "fairness". His colleagues in the LibDem party are reported to be astonished at his sudden conversion to the principle that we should "all be in this together" and it has been widely mooted that Nick might be trying to save his party, not to mention his reputation and career, before the next election. "This is an exciting development," a leading LibDem told the "News in Shorts". "Nick has finally realised that the only way to save the party at the next general election is to get his lies in good and early. We think that this initiative could become one of our flagship policies along with "no tuition fees for students". Meanwhile the Tory half of the firing squad that describes itself as a government showed its true colours when Chris Grayling, the Tory Minister for employment and notorious for the size of his property portfolio paid for by the taxpayer, announced that young Londoners would be forced to work for nothing. "I've looked at Nick's proposal," he told our reporter with a snigger,"and come to the conclusion that this is nothing more than the politics of envy. Rich people can't be taxed because they'll throw their toys out of the pram and move to Lichtenstein. We cannot kill the golden goose that refuses to lay any eggs. I for one would immediately upstakes and move to Belize in order to demonstrate my patriotism. The only way forward is less taxes for me and more for you - after all we are all in this together aren't we?"

Monday, 27 August 2012

Liam Fox Advising Mitt Romney On Destroying US Economy.

While David Cameron ponders which of his favourite conmen, theieves and liars he can sneak back into government in his cabinet reshuffle, Liam Fox, it seems, never really went away. Flag bearer for the sleazy right in the Tory party, Dr.Fox has been very busy cementing ties between his party and the Republican party in the US. He has been "advising" Mitt Romney on how the Prseidential candidate might wreck the American economy as the Tories have wrecked that in Britain while, at the same time, forcing the poor to pick up the bill. "We have much in common," Dr.Fox told our reporter. "Both parties are very keen Atlanticists and yearn for the good old days when Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Regan sold the neoliberal economic thesis to the peasants. We now have a valuable opportunity to turn the present recession into a full-blown depression with all the advantages that brings to people like us. We're already working on new wars that offer outstanding opportunities for profit and our American colleagues are very interested in plundering a privatised NHS. I know that Mitt has some rather strange ideas about abortion, religion and healthcare but, then again, so do I. The main thing is that both parties agree that poor people are to blame for everything and that creating more poor people will cure all our economic woes. Between us I believe we can create a world fit for bankers to live in."

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Coalition Welcomes Thief Back Into Government.

LibDem David Laws, who was sacked from the Coalition on account of being a thief, is to return to government. The Tories, recognising a man after their own heart, have welcomed the news and are looking forward to seeing his plans for ripping off poor people in support of the wealthy. "He is a great supporter of our deficit reduction plans," a leading Tory told our reporter, "and a tireless worker in making sure that his own deficit is paid for by the taxpayer. We realise that he might not be a popular choice - being a proven thief - but we see him as a steadfast ally in our master-plan to reduce the peasants to the level of poverty they deserve. We are hopeful that other known criminals will also be put back into the cabinet by David Cameron and that other bloke - er, whathisname - Nick Clegg. We need this calibre of man if the country is to prosper - well, at least the wealthy part which is the only one that counts." Other crooks, such as Baroness Warsi, will probably dropped in the forthcoming cabinet reshuffle because she's not sleazy enough but George Osborne, who is merely stupid, is expected the keep his job. Andrew Lansley, widely expected to wind up in prison after stealing the NHS, will also probably keep his job after David Cameron failed to find anyone, other than Ian Duncan Smith, slimy enough to replace him. Ian Duncan Smith has been reported as refusing the brief when he was told he wouldn't be able to torture the disabled or keep all the money from the sale of the NHS.

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Lansley Steals £7.5 Million From The NHS.

The map pictured above shows the progress made by Lansley's privatisation of the NHS so far. Great swathes of the country are already in the hands of corporate healthcare bloodsuckers and more areas are soon to follow suit. Andrew Lansley is stealing the NHS from its real owners, you and me, and handing it over to his rich pals in the full and certain expectation that they will show their gratitude by increasing their "donations" to the Tory party. This is nothing better then fraud, the more so because the Tories have no mandate for this and directly lied to the electorate about it before the election. Worse still, Lansley has wasted £7.5 million of our money in the form of various "management" fees while he has deliberately starved hospitals of money in order to force them into bankruptcy. There are two methods by which this wholesale theft of a national asset can be halted. Both David Cameron and Andrew Lansley should be told in no uncertain terms that they will face criminal charges for this act of theft and all those corporations who are in receipt of what are actually stolen goods will have them taken off them with no compensation. Iceland has shown us the rest of the world what can be achieved when the public stand up for themselves and imprison the people who would steal entire countries for their own personal ends.

Friday, 24 August 2012

IMF Discovers That Parasites Are Bad For Us.

When Iceland discovered that its bankers and politicians had defrauded the entire nation the people of that country decided to do something about it. They listened to the banks threatening to destroy the entire country and their politicians demanding that they pauperise themselves to protect the guilty and then arrested the lot. Having done so they then set about creating a whole new constitution that prevents corporate and political criminals from holding the country to ransom and told the IMF to go take a hike. Four years later, as the rest of Europe sinks under the weight of austerity, Iceland has made what the IMF describes as "surprising" recovery. Surprising, that is, to everyone except the Icelanders who, rightly in turns out, recognised that allowing the criminals who caused the problems in the first place to dictate the terms of the "recovery" was madness. Instead they put the interests of the people first and the interests of the bankers and the politicians nowhere. We in Britain, on the other hand, swallowed the lie and then stood by as our so-called government blamed the sick and disabled in our society and forced them to pay for the greed and mistakes of a criminal banking system. The Icelanders were right and had the courage of their convictions. We were wrong and are now suffering for our craven cowardice in the face of the enemy. But it is not too late. Even now we too could arrest our bankers and politicians, tell the IMF to shove it and start thinking for ourselves.

Prince Harry Naked Under His Clothes!

The whole world is reeling today from the news that, under his clothes, Prince Harry is completely naked. It is now widely supposed that the rest of the Royal Family are also similarly starkers. The "Sun" has printed a photograph of Harry in the buff quoting "the freedom of the press" as their major concern, while various security experts, moralises and professional Royal watchers have trotted through the TV studious to give their opinion. What is clear, however, is that the main area of concern is for Prince Harry's todger. Is it his personal property or, as some would seem to suggest, does he merely hold it in trust for the nation? The idea that he might be spilling his precious seed in or around a collection of breathless bimbos who find him irresistable, for whatever reason, seems to have shocked the nation. The incident occurred in Las Vegas, the cultural centre of the United States, and does pose a particularly worrisome problem. What if one of those American young ladies, seen cavorting naked in his hotel room, managed to snag the Royal todger and became pregnant? An American pretender to the throne, even if illegitimate, is too terrible to contemplate for many in Britain with a Medieval caste of mind. Could we one day wake up to find ourselves ruled by a King Chuck or a King Billy-Bob and is that any worse than being ruled by King William Saxe-Coburg-Gotha?

Norway Declared Insane.

The trial of Anders Behring Breivik in Norway is one of those moments in history when all of us have to take a long hard look at what we believe. The "News in Shorts" is no admirer of right-wingers and sees Breivik as an evil individual who's egoism and self-regard seems to be unlimited. Anyone who could kill 77 people in cold blood because he disagrees with them must be either insane or completely evil. The Norweigian courts have found that he is not insane - that he was in full possession of his wits when he committed his crimes. Fair enough - they had much greater access to the facts than this or any other reporter. But, if not insane, then surely that means that Breivik must be a thoroughly evil man? Under those circumstances his sentence of 21 years is incomprehensible. It is even worse when it is entirely plausible that he will be released within ten years having served his time in a three-room suite of rooms "specially tailored for his individual needs." His sentence amounts to less than three-and-a-half months per victim and will be spent in what, to most of us, would be regarded as a comfortable holiday hotel. Maybe the Norweigians are right in that custodial sentences should contain no hint of punishment, but that seems to fly in the face of all common sense. If I were a potential mass murderer I would certainly be on the first aeroplane to Oslo and looking forward to a bit of mayhem as a precurser to a nice restful holiday. The question is, if Breivik is sane is the rest of Norway completely mad?

Thursday, 23 August 2012

How Low Can The Tories Actually Get?

It is becoming the most hotly disputed political question of the day - how unutterably disgusting can the Tories get before even they can't stand the smell? As far as the economy is concerned they seem to be completely impervious to any amount of criticism and are perfectly content to watch the country pauperised. A completely understandable fall in retail sales during August is being described as "unexpected." By whom? Certainly not by local councils who are busily investing in charity-run food banks in the certain knowledge that next year will see the ressurection of 1930's Depression era breadlines. This, apparently, is what David Cameron means by the "Big Society." Not content with forcing millions into destitution, the Tories are also busily engaged in forcing the NHS into bankruptcy in order the smooth the way for privatisation and steal it from the people that actually own it - me and you that is. 21 hospitals, worth over £15 billion, are expected to be handed over to corporate healthcare vultures before the next general election as the Tories reward their wealthy pals for all their "donations." Meanwhile the LibDems, having betrayed every principle they pretended to hold and having gained absolutely nothing, seem set to support what amounts to a criminal conspiracy after a new poll revealed that they will be virtually wiped out at the next general election. So how low can the Tories sink to satisfy their avarice and lust for revenge against the country? You might ask ex-soldier Karl Boon who lost his left leg to a Taliban rocket-propelled grenade in Afghanistan during 2010. He has been stripped of his £54-a-week living allowance because losing a leg in the service of his country doesn't make him disabled enough to deserve it. That is how low the Tories can get.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Tories Sacrifice The Nation.

When the banking crisis smashed into the economy in 2008 George Osborne, as the Tory party's chief strategist, took a long hard look at the situation, consulted his ideological cookbook and came to exactly the wrong conclusion. What was needed, he told David Cameron, was tax cuts for the rich, high unemployment, cuts to benefits and the sale of the NHS. But the genius strategist for the Tory party realised that they could never tell the electorate the truth about their intentions and drew up a plan to lie his party into Downing Street. As a result the Tories failed to win a majority and were forced into a coalition with the LibDems. Osborne realised that, with a pathetically grateful LibDem party to act as a human shield, they at least had a chance to spin a good story as cover for what they were really doing and advised Cameron to take on a notoriously unscrupulous serial liar, Andy Coulson, to tell us all porkies. Within weeks Coulson was revealed as a terrible liability while several cabinet ministers, such as Liam Fox, simply couldn't restrain their naturally criminal personalities. Worse yet it quickly became apparent that Andrew Lansley, despite all the lies designed to show the opposite, was straining at the leash to flog off the NHS and that George Osborne himself was the worst Chacellor of the Exchequer that this country has ever suffered. Meanwhile Ian Duncan Smith and Chris Grayling had translated "we're all in this together" into "you scum are going to pay for this," Gove had translated "education, education, education" into "only if you can pay for it" and Theresa May had translated "securing Britain's borders" into "let's sack all the border guards." Now, after nearly three years of sleaze and the ideology of the insane, we have an economy that is in terminal decline and a government that is described as ineffective in all areas. This is hardly surprising since it was Tory ideology and its parlous effect on the whole of British politics over the last 30 years that did the damage in the first place. The Tories are like a doctor who, faced with a patient with pneumonia, decides to infect him with anthrax and tell him, "Now you really have something to worry about."

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Inconvenient Facts Annoy The Tories.

The Tory party is reeling tonight after a series of very inconvenient facts threatened to reveal the essential idiocy of their insane ideology. With the deficit continuing to grow and having battered the British economy virtually to death George Osborne seems to be completely bemused by its stubborn refusal to make a spontaneous recovery for no apparent reason. Reducing taxes for his rich pals has mysteriously led to a fall in tax revenues while throwing hundreds of thousands of people out of work has led to an even more mysterious fall in final demand. Rumours now abound that the Tories are about to launch a Keynsian-style stimulus to the economy, though it will necessarily be limited because they've thrown all the money away. This has angered right-wingers such as John Redwood who remains convinced that the only way to increase tax revenues is yet more tax cuts for the rich and the only way to save the economy is to choke it to death. Meanwhile Ian Duncan Smith has continued to stamp his feet because the BBC timidly ventured to suggest that cuts in benefits to the disabled and sick might not be such a good idea after all. Claiming that deprevation in Britain is a very complex question and is thus not easy to explain, IDS has accused the BBC of making a "simplistic" connection between denying people the means to survive and their inability to do so. The weird looking-glass world of the Tories is now falling apart as it inevitably must - how long will it be before their vicious regime follows suit?

NHS To Be Exported Abroad.

In a breathtaking piece of sheer hypocrisy the Tories are suggesting that the NHS should use its powerful image abroad to export its services and cash in on its reputation for excellence. Apparently the government is drooling over the possibility that the NHS could make a killing in China and India while, it cynically claims, generating both profits and employment here in Britain. All this, it would seem, from an organisation that was in such a state of disorder that it urgently needed to be reformed by the Tories before it collapsed. In fact, of course, it is simply another example of the new capitalism in which profits are privatised but investment and debt are nationalised. Taxpayers will be expected to stump up the money for a new-style NHS that will sell its services abroad while ignoring the needs of the people who pay for it at home. Meanwhile a few "entrepeneurial managers" and "managerial consultants," all of them donators to the Tory party, will enrich themselves without making any investment or risking a penny themselves and foreign labour will work long hours for a pittance and with few, if any, rights. In other words it will be turned into a Tory wet dream and the rest of us, you and me, will have to make do with a return to workhouse infirmaries.

Monday, 20 August 2012

Yet Another Vindictive Tory.

It has long been clear that the Tory party is little more than a collection of vicious and spiteful bullies, but their evident glee at being able to throw aside all pretence to decency because of the present recession is rapidly becoming disturbing. They seem to have absolutely no sense of proportion left, so eager are they to use every political problem as an excuse to punish the vulnerable and reward the already rich and privileged with juicy tax cuts. The latest example of this sheer vindictiveness is a statement made by the Tory MP for Stroud and Rochester in Kent, Mark Reckless, about rail fares. Unlike any normal human being who realises that the ridiculous rail fares in this country are the result of corporate greed and sheer government stupidity, he apparently believes they are the result of "generous" state benefits for the unemployed, sick and disabled. Such benefits, he suggests, would be better spent on subsidising the privately-owned railways - privatising profit while simultaneously nationalising debt. The real problem - that wealthy people are getting away with not paying taxes - just doesn't register with this ignoramus and his mentally challenged Tory colleagues. There is, it would appear, no problem that cannot be solved by taking from the poor and handing it over the the all-important middle class voter while cutting the disgustingly wealthy out of the equation completely. Having seen for themselves the sheer insanity of the neoliberal economic thesis the Tory appetite for more of the same is sheer lunacy and virtually guarantees future economic disaster. Mainlining on greed they simply cannot help themselves.

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Tories Fear That They've Been Rumbled.

Ken Clarke, the jovial Herman Goering-like figure in the Tory party, has warned Cameron that dropping him from the cabinet would "re-toxify the party." In fact, as their policies amply demonstrate, the Tory party has remained as toxic as it always was. Having assured us all that "we're all in this together" they have gone out of their way to attack every vulnerable person in the country in order to make them pay for the mistakes of their rich pals. They have thought nothing about villifying sick and disabled people and exposing them to abuse from the more vicious elements in our society, nor have they shrunk from blaming the victims of their wicked and deeply selfish policies. That the Tory party as a whole is no better than even the most pessimistic predictions is amply shown by a simple statistic - that Tory councils have, since 2010, sold off six times as many school playing fields than councils controlled by other parties. Nasty, sleazy, two-faced, unutterably stupid and congenitally unable to tell the truth, the party is also tearing itself apart in the continuing re-run of its vicious history. Tory backbenchers, having already revolted to stop electoral reform, have now decided to scratch the eyes out of their leader in two new pollicy areas - protecting the green belt and rail fare hikes. At first sight these might appear to be good reasons to revolt - everyone agrees that the green belt needs protecting and everyone agrees that rail fares are already too high. But, when the motives of these revolting Tories are examined, their opposition is seen to be rather less noble. Their objections to building in the green belts is based on protecting their voters in rural constituencies and fears that their property values might suffer despite the need for new affordable housing, while their objections to a hike in rail fares is based on fears for their waifer-thin majorities in marginal constituencies outside London. As is usual in the Tory party their fears and objections all turn out to spring from selfish motives. Ken Clarke has no need to worry about the "de-toxification" of his party. Like any other poisonous compound rebranding it can never hide its essentially deadly and thoroughly unpleasant nature.

Ian Duncan Smith Upset By The Facts.

Ian Duncan Smith, the most evil and odious man in modern British politics, has railed against the BBC for telling the truth about unemployment. Faced by the truth - that the recent "fall" in unemployment is down to the rise in part-time work and zero hour contracts that have seen the return of day labour - IDS has accused the BBC of "peeing all over British industry and the private sector." This, apprently, is a far worse crime than IDS's own vicious campaign against the disabled and sick. The "News In Shorts," in the interests of fairness asked the Tory's leading bully-boy and chief scumbag for a further statement; "How dare the BBC tell the truth about me and my suspect statistics. The truth is whatever I say it is. The private sector is not simply an economic force, it is a holy God-inspired crusade that will lead us all to the promised land and I am its prophet! Bow down before me and worship at the altar of untrammeled greed and stupidity before I have you all burned at the stake for heresy." Somewhat surprised by the glazed look on IDS's face during all this, our reporter asked a leading psychologist for his opinion; "Well, of course, psychologists no longer like words like "insane" and, instead, now like words like "delusional" or "anxiety." IDS, however, is simply barking mad and should, in my opinion, be loacked up before he runs amok in the street. I'm afraid that less harsh words such as "barmy" are no longer adequate to describe this absolute nutter."

Saturday, 18 August 2012

The Shame Of Tory Britain.

With the House of Commons packed every day with dedicated and hard working MP's as shown above, and the Tory Vicious Tendency gleefully labelling British workers as lazy and workshy, top economists have called on George Osborne to abandon his destructive and deeply idiotic strategy before it's too late. Meanwhile pay for Britain's top executives, despite the recession and a fall in the FTSE of 6.5%, has increased by a staggering 8.5% while ordinary worker's wages has increased by a mere 1.6%. And, despite claims from the delusional Tory right, British people worker longer hours, with fewer holidays and with less rights than almost any nation in Europe. Not only is the Tory plan for the poor to pay for the mistakes of the rich deeply unfair it is also fundamentally counter-productive. Of course George Osborne never believed that it would work - that is not the point. Tory ideology is not really concerned with the economy as we would understand it. It is primarily concerned with providing them with a flimsy excuse to indulge their most deeply held prejudices and with providing clear economic water between them and us. Unable and unwilling to create greater general wealth in Britain the Tories have concerned themselves almost exclusively with grabbing as much as they can for themselves and their rich mates. For them declaring a man in a coma as fir for work, as ATOS recently did, is a small price to pay - for them at any rate. The Tory party is the shame of Britain and a stain on our history that badly needs to be expunged.

Friday, 17 August 2012

New Tory Right Calls For The Party To Be Rebranded as Death Wish2".

The new Tory right - those who came into Parliament in 2010 - have called on David Cameron to embrace their new, modern and completely insane policy ideas and rename the party "Death Wish 2". Describing the old Tory right as a "busted flush" five Tory MP's - Kwasi Kwarteng, Priti Patel, Dominic Raab, Chris Skidmore and Elizabeth Truss - have described the British as lazy and workshy and advised us all to adopt the work ethic of Asia. For their part they intend to do exactly that - sweeping away democracy for the benefits accrued by such outstanding regimes as China and North Korea. While calling for more sweatshops in Britain where we can all be worked to death for a pittance, they have put the blame for our present economic woes on the welfare state which has encouraged idleness and a "something for nothing" culture. The banks, having mysteriously become suddenly blameless, should be deregularised even more than they have been already while taxes for the obscenely wealthy should be further cut. Just how this differs from the "old" Tory right is rather difficult to explain, mainly because it is exactly the same tired old mantras that wrecked our economy and society in the first place. Nor does their utterly purile analysis extend to themselves since they are plainly too idle to think of anything new to say. Indeed their only real claim to novelty seems to lie in their willingness to say such ridiculous things out loud rather than whispering them to each other in the dark back rooms of Tory HQ and well away from the electorate. In his defence David Cameron told our reporter; "I'm being as nasty and stupid as I can be. What these people don't seem to realise is that there is a limit to the idiotic things you can say about the electorate before they realise what you're up to and stop voting for you."

David Ruffley Calls For More Cuts - For Other People.

David Ruffley, another senior Tory MP with a thirty-second memory and an over-inflated sense of his own importance, has criticised Geoarge Osborne for letting the LibDem tail wag the Tory dog. The fact that without the LibDems there wouldn't be a dog to wag anything is completely lost on this Tory dingbat who has called on Osborne to cut even more spending on the "non-productive" (anyone not as rich a an average Tory) and increase spending on prestigious projects that will make Tories feel good about themselves and make their journey times shorter as they whisk by the peasants on their way to do really important things. Agreeing with Boris Johnson that the Tory regime should stop "pussyfooting around" and really flatten to economy once and for all, he told our reporter; "We simply haven't done enough to wreck the economy yet. Without the total destruction of the working class in this country we'll never get the tax cuts we need for rich people like me. If it wasn't for the LibDems putting the brakes on we would have the gas chambers set up to dispose of the useless and crippled in Britain by now. As it is there's far too much namby-pamby "human rights" around and far too little in the way of feudal rights for superior people such as me."

Gove Flogs Cheap Land To His Rich Mates.

Michael Gove, universally recognised as the worst Education Secretary since the last Tory village idiot to have the job, has today admitted that he has inadvertantly been telling lies. Not only has he ignored advice from the School Playing Fields Advisory Panel when it suited his purposes, he has also been responsible for publishing "innacurate" figures. In BBC reports today, of course, great emphasis has been laid on the two examples where there appears to be good reasons for selling the land but the other 28 have been largely ignored while the "innacuracies" have hardly been mentioned. History teaches us why this is happening. Under the last Labour government, between 1997 and 2010, 226 school playing fields were sold while the government invariably went along with the findings of the School Playing Fields Advisory Panel. Under the previous Tory regime, between 1979 and 1997, 10,000 playing fields were sold. The Tories simply do not believe that ordinary children need or deserve playing fields and that only the playing fields of Eton should survive because, of course, it was there that the Battle of Waterloo was won. Unfortunately for the rest of us so was the Battle of Peterloo.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

David Willetts Welcomes The Latest Batch Of Geniuses.

David Willetts, the Minister of State for Universities and Science, has written in the "Guardian" today about his joy at the latest "A" level results. "There is little doubt," he told our reporter, "that this government, especially the Tory bit, has been responsible for one of the greatest evolutionary advances in the history of the human race. Modern British teenagers are now the most intelligent humans that have ever walked the planet. In the two years that we have been in power we have made a quantum leap forward in trems of education that puts Labour's progress in the shade. Almost every child taking "A" levels today is an out-and-out genius and are on a par with Einstein, Mozart and Leonardo Da Vinci. Now if we can only teach them the difference between their, there and they're we'll have it made." Meanwhile hat manufacturers have registered their total amazement at the sudden rise in the demand for large sizes. "Some of these kids have brains the size of the Head Mekon," one spokesman told us, revealing both his age and his propensity for collecting old issues of the "Eagle.". "I for one fully expect that this generation will solve problems like world hunger, the energy crisis, global warming, life, the universe and everything in very short order."

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

What Does It Take To Close A Bank Down?

What does it take to close a bank down? Between them the world's leading banks have been guilty of laundering money, rigging markets, rigging interest rates and crashing the world's economy. There is, it seems, no crime that their executives will not entertain in order to boost their bonus payments, no risk they would deem to be too dangerous and no swindle they won't try. Yet, despite being found repeatedly with their hand in the cookie jar, not one of them has been prosecuted and not one of them has lost its licence. Governments across the world, with the glaring exception of Iceland, have chosen instead to "fine" them - a practice that is little more than an opportunist tax on criminal activity - while the banks pass on the costs of these to their long-suffering customers. Not only have they been considered to be "too big to fail" they have also been regarded as "too important to prosecute." The banking industry stands revealed as the largest criminal conspiracy the world has ever seen - far larger than the mafia, illegal arms dealers or drug traffickers - and yet not one executive is in prison and not one of them has been closed down. Nothing demonstrates the parlous nature of our much-vaunted democracy in the west than this brazen and unpunished criminality at the very heart of our financial industry and nothing demonstrates more forcibly the sham it actually is. Where is the rule of law in all this? As usual, when it should be applied to wealthy people, it is no where to be seen.

Jeremy Hunt Fantasises About The Olympics.

Jeremy Hunt, the most brazen liar in the Tory party and the man appointed by Cameron to get the Murdoch bid for BSkyB through on a nod and wink, has lied through his teeth about the economic benefits of the Olympics. With a total disregard for the truth Hunt has claimed that the games were "a very good period" for tourism in London. Meanwhile businesses were counting the cost of one of the most disastrous two weeks in the history of the London tourist industry with some of them fearful that they will not survive the winter. Hotel bookings were down by a third while Heathrow Airport reported that arrivals on the day before the Olympics opened were not as high as on a typical Thursday. Nor are the disappointing figures confined purely to London with tourism reported to be down across the country from Bath to Edinburgh. However the Tories have realised that simply lying about the figures won't butter any parsnips so they've scrapped the legal requirement stipulating how much outside space each school must provide for their pupils. This will make the flogging of school playing fields to their rich mates a lot easier and will do wonders for the Tory party's balance of payment problems even if it does nothing for that of the country as a whole. Proudly boasting that two of his children attend a school with no green space to play on he told our reporter; "Why would they need a playing field when they're learning more important things such as how to steal money from poor people? As for poor kids - they should be out earning a living not wasting their time chasing sporting dreams that we in the Tory party fully intend they'll never achieve."

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

So, What Are The Police For Again?

G4S, the same people who failed utterly to meet their cotractural obligations to provide security at the Olympics, has begun to advertise for staff to help the police investigate crime. Of course one of the main reasons behind this development is the Tory desire to drive down wages so they and their mates can steal even more public money. So we can all soon look forward to such crimes as burglary being "investigated" by undertrained staff on the minimum wage. Criminals must be rubbing their hands together with glee - especially those in the Tory party. But all this rather begs the question as to what the police force will be used for. Today this reporter was brought face to face with the answer in no uncertain terms when he was issued with a speeding ticket. They will be redeployed to ambush essentially innocent motorists simply trying to get to work. There is a good economic argument for this. Criminals are difficult to apprehend and, even when they are, prove to be a costly luxury what with the spiralling costs of imprisonment. They tend not to pay fines either. Ordinary motorists, on the other hand, are easy to trace, tend to pay their fines and cost little to apprehend. It's a simple exercise in cost-effectiveness and there's nothing the Tories like more than squeezing the public for a few extra quid so they can feather their own nests. Now we can all relish the sight of thousands of burglars roving around the country stealing whatever they can get their hands on pursued by teenagers on "work experience" on the one hand and thousands of policemen and women roving around the country in order to steal money from the public on the other. It will be a Tory paradise and hell on earth for the rest of us.

Monday, 13 August 2012

BBC In Disarray.

The BBC is reported to be in total disarray tonight following the closing ceremony of the Olympics. We asked a BBC insider for an explanation for what was going on; "Now the Olympics are over many at the BBC feel that we should have made provision for a return to normal news gathering. Unfortunately we can't report on the total disaster that the coalition government represents for fear of upsetting our new Tory mates. Ever since Murdoch was exposed as the lowlife he actually is the Tories have had no choice but to try and butter us up and, with our budget up for review every year, we feel that we have to play ball. To make matters worse we can't find a single story about the Royal family to distract people from reality now the Jubilee and royal wedding are over. We've been handed a bit of a lifeline with the start of the football season but many of us here don't think it will be enough. The real problem is that we've been a news-free zone for so long now we've forgotten how to do it. And what are we going to do with all that outside broadcast gear? David Cameron's idea to keep showing that 1950's film of a potter's wheel is all very well, but its not even in colour. I'm thinking of quitting and joining Al-Jazeera, though the job as Boris Putin's spin doctor has got a lot to recommend it. Say what you like about the Russian President, at least he's nicer bloke than Cameron."

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Cameron Pledges £80 Million For The Rio Games.

David Cameron, desperate to milk the Olympics for all its worth, has pledged an extra £80 million for the next games in Rio de Janeiro. "Fortunately," he told our reporter, "we had most of the money put by after we forced the South London Healthcare into bankruptcy. We think that this will be money well spent and will improve the health of the nation as a whole. Now people will be able to watch a small number of elite athelites getting even healthier and indulge their desire to watch other people running, jumping and throwing things while swilling beer and stuffing their faces with burgers. This is what we Tories mean by a "health dividend" - it will certainly make the profits of some of our corporate donators a lot healthier. And, lets face it, £80 million is nothing really - a few thousand extra houses, a few public sector jobs or one or two hospitals. Small price to pay for the chance to show off in front of other countries like France and Russia who didn't get as many gold medals as team GB. That's what I love about the British - they're so stupid that don't even know when they're being taken for a ride and so obssessed by sport that can't concentrate on anything else."

Cameron's Reshuffle To Boost Tory Dingbat Tendency.

The "Telegraph" is reporting today that Cameron will use the forthcoming cabinet reshuffle to strenghthen and reward the insane within the Tory Party. "Heavy hitters" like George Osborne, William Hague and Theresa May are too important to move and too stupid to give them any more responsibility and that gives Cameron little room for manouvre. It is strongly believed, therefore, that Boroness Warsi will lose her job as co-Chairman of the party because she's neither insane nor stupid enough. Close, but no cigar. She will probably be replaced by Chris Grayling, a great fan of both slave labour and kicking people in wheelchairs, or by Michael Fallon the deputy chairman who has the added advantage of being a wealthy nonentity with no known conscience. It is also widely believed that Jeremy Hunt, Rupert Murdoch's pal, will be given a new role without portfolio so no one will know what he's up to, while it is not beyond all possibility that Liam Fox will be snuck back in since he didn't go to prison after all. As a sop to the LibDems for failing to get anything at all out of the coalition it is believed that David Laws, who likes to steal taxpayers money, will be reinstated and given a cabinet job that probably involves stealing even more money. It is difficult to see how Cameron could create a cabinet with even more sociopaths than it has already but he seems willing to give it a go. All the rest of us can do is sit back and watch as this bunch of second-raters, conmen, thieves, pickpockets and serial killers make an even bigger mess of the country than they already have. The only question is, how long before the Olympics "euphoria" becomes a distant memory?

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Cameron Orders Children To Run On The Spot.

David Cameron, having finally mastered a determined look, has told teachers that he expects all primary school children to endure at least two hours of exercise every day. Looking to capitalise on the present national obsession with other people running, jumping and throwing things, he wants to at least appear to give a toss about ordinary children. Not so much, however, that he will stop flogging off school playing fields to his wealthy property speculating mates. "Children don't need playing fields," he told our reporter wearing his new determined face. "What they need to do is run on the spot for two hours every day so that when they grow up they'll be too exhausted to worry what we are up to. Running on the spot is good exercise and has the added benefit of not taking up much room - room that is needed for grouse moors and open countryside so that we toffs can murder innocent animals while on horseback. When these children grow up they can they concentrate all their efforts into making money for us to steal and, if they're very lucky, make enough to join our club. We have to get rid of the "all must have prizes" culture and replace it with the good old-fashioned "only toffs must have prizes" culture. There is nothing wrong with elitism - especially if, like me, you're born to it. After all we need losers to show the rest of the world that we are winners."

Friday, 10 August 2012

Tory Dingbats Come Up With Another Stupid Idea.

Tory thinking seems to be in freefall with the "nasty party" quickly morphing into the "downright evil party" and in imminent danger of becoming a parody of itself. Regarding the present recession as a God-given opportunity to indulge all of their most insane fantasies they have made a full-frontal assault on the rest of the country, determined to lay waste to both society and economy alike or die in the attempt. They resemble nothing so much as the Light Brigade, charging the blazing guns because they are just too stupid to do anything else. Their latest idea, turning HM Prisons into call centres simply beggars belief. The idea that using slave labour, creating even more unemployment and even less demand in the economy, will somehow improve the economic situation is simply plain bonkers and amply demonstrates what the Tories actually are - economically ignorant and dangerous madmen who really need to be locked up for the good of us all. They truly are donkeys led by other donkeys.

BUPA Whinges While Cameron Lies To A Woman With Cancer.

A couple of days ago David Cameron was squirming in the LBC radio studio as a woman caller cried and begged the Prime Minister for help in her fight against cancer. All she got was a direct lie from the PM who told the distressed woman that government spending on the NHS had increased when the truth is that it has fallen for the last two years. While 4,500 nursing jobs have been lost in the NHS Cameron told the woman that an increase in overseas aid had "probably" saved three million children in Africa. That, too, is a lie and is nothing more than a crude estimation based on the money being spent. It makes no account for the billions in aid that is stolen by corrupt African officials who feather their own nests and buy guns for their "supporters." Meanwhile BUPA has been whinging that their health insurance products are becoming unaffordable because of inefficiency in the NHS. In a thinly veiled attack, what BUPA was hinting is that even more doctors and nurses should be sacked and that more hospitals should be privatised. Pretending that there is not enough "competition" in healthcare, and casting envious eyes at the railways and utility companies, they are calling for even less of it so they can benefit from a captive market. Essentially this government is deliberately killing people in Britain and using this as an excuse for further privatisation of healthcare in a breathtaking piece of circular reasoning and spin. Not content with theft from the public purse, the Tory party is now murdering people for money.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Vince Cable Latest To Throw Toys Out Of The Pram.

Vince Cable waded into the spat between the Tories and LibDems today telling his coalition partners that their proposed boundary changes would be defeated in the Commons with the aid of the Labour party. Another LibDem who's discovered where he left his spine? Unfortunately for the rest of us the answer has to be a resounding "no." If Vince really did think in terms of the national interest instead of the narrow interests of the LibDem party then perhaps the economic figures would be a little healthier. After all he is the Business Secretary. Instead we have the Bank of England having to point out the blindingly obvious - that the British economy is flat on its back and, like a turtle, lacks the means to get back onto its feet. To drive the message home the deficit figures out today show the greatest gap between imports and exports since 1997 which, by the merest coincidence, happens to have been the last time the Tories were in charge of wrecking the economy. So, as far as Vince is concerned, its 10 out of 10 for scratching the Tories eyes out and 0 out 10 for actually doing his job.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Cameron Tries To Cash Olympic Cheque.

David Cameron has hailed the Olympic fortnight as a "Golden Summer" for Britain and has claimed that its all because of John Major. The connection, he claims, is the National Lottery which was originally created by the Major government to encourage poor people to tax themselves and has apparently poured millions into sport. The truth, as always with the sleazy Tories, is of course very different. Despite the huge building programme in the lead up to the Olympics over six thousand building firms have gone bust in the last two years. Despite all the empty promises local small businesses have been shut out of the games which is the preserve of multi-national companies only. The promise of a tourism boost for Britain has not materialised. In fact, because of the riots last summer and the security debacle over G4S, tourism has actually slumped to an all-time low - especially in London. Then there is the total rubbish that Cameron and his Tory pickpocket pals have talked about the "health dividend" that the Olympics will bequeath to Britain. While they celebrate gold medals in elite sporting events such as dressage and sailing, they have been busy flogging off school sports fields to their wealthy property speculating mates. The Tory strategy, it would seem, is to encourage young people in Britain to stop thinking in terms of football and running events and to think more in terms of buying a horse and joining the local hunt or buying a yacht and sailing at Cowes. Elitist to their very core the Tories are determined to shut out the common people from every aspect of British life and turn the entire country into a playground for the rich and privileged.

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

British Courts Support Slavery.

In a landmark decision a bunch of over-paid toffs dressed in 18th century powdered wigs and frocks have decided that forcing the unemployed into unpaid work is entirely justified. Despite the inconvenient fact that forcing people to do unpaid labour is illegal under article four of the European Convention on Human Rights, the presiding judge, Mr Justice Foskett, said this was "a long way from contemporary thinking". Over brandy and cigars the judiciary, drawn almost exclusively from the privileged classes, have reached the bizarre conclusion that working for nothing does not constitute slavery. "Contemporary thinking sees slavery as a viable alternative and now sees the prohibition against it in Britain during the 18th century as a grave mistake," one judge told our reporter at his London club. "We have to work for next to nothing and are often forced to work for three or four hours at a time with only two or three naps to alleviate the boredom. The lower classes in this country were born to serve the interests of their superiors and betters and modern capitalism has merely returned to the point where it began. I for one am looking forward to cheaper cigars as the tobacco plantations are re-established in the West Indies and have already invested my money in a Chinese factory that manufactures shackles and whips. What we really need, of course, are slave auctions which will really get the system working again."

Monday, 6 August 2012

Lousie Mensch Puts Her Family First.

While Nick Clegg eyes Europe as a possible escape route, Louise Mensch has decided to jump ship completely and move to the United States. She is doing this apparently in the interests of her family, so we asked the Tory pin-up girl for a statement. "Having helped to inflict incalculable harm on everyone else's family I have decided to move to the United States before my family suffers. I have chosen to live in the United States because that's where my rich husband keeps his money and you can get the best medical care that money can buy there. I realised that, after privatisation of the NHS, healthcare in Britain would soon be expensive and as shoddy as all privately-delivered services in Britain. Let's face it Britain is finished - and I ought to know since I've certainly done my best to finish it off. The loss of LibDem support was the final straw since I realised that I didn't have a cat in hell's chance of being elected to parliament again. The only thing I'll miss is the unlimted expense account. So its so long and thanks for all the money."

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Thames Water: A Tale Of Ordinary Capitalist Folk.

In the past five years Kemble Water Holdings, the Macquarie-led vehicle that owns Thames Water, has paid dividends to its investors totalling £700 million and has paid not one single penny in tax. In fact it has been given a tax rebate of £43.7 million while, at the same time, its subsidary, Thames Water, has paid out £1.4 billion in dividends. Par for the course when it comes to the privatised utility companies you might think. After all that's why they were privatised in the first place - so that wealthy people could get their hands on even more wealth by extorting ever more more money out of a captive customer base. What is shocking, however, is that the taxpayer is now expected to shell out £3.6 billion to build a a tunnel under the Thames to prevent sewage leaking into the river. Er, shouldn't Thames Water be paying for that? Well, under the new rules of capitalism in which profits are privatised and debt is nationalised, apparently not. Caroline Spelman, the environment secretary, has apparently accepted a long and complicated explanation from Thames Water that shows quite conclusively that the utility company has a perfect right to hold its hand out. That alone seems to indicate that she's either a complete moron or she's on the take. Once more we have the spectacle of a private company filling its overly deep pockets with our money as it takes advantage of the neoliberal concept of "money for old rope" and then leaving us to pick up the bill for the investment they should be making. If the Tories are so concerned with "benefit scroungers" maybe they should be looking at this bunch of criminals.

Nick Clegg Eyes Europe As An Escape Tunnel.

Nick Clegg, an idiot of with an outstanding lack of political acumen, is reported to be eyeing up a job as Britain's EU Commissioner as a means to escape the mess he's made of his party over the last two years. While membership of the LibDem party has plummeted by 25% in the last year alone and Nick Clegg has managed to sell out their entire supply of political "principles", he is thinking about his own future career. He is also seeking the means to abandon reform of the House of Lords without losing too much face - a quest that seems doomed to abject failure - and avoid a conflict with his Tory pals that might end in a general election and the decimation of the LibDem Party. While muttering darkly about refusing to support Tory plans to rig the political bounderies, Nick is actually engaged in negotiations with David Cameron for an extra ministry for the LibDems. Having sold the NHS down the river for Lord's reform, he is now preparing to sell that down the river in return for an extra ministerial car. Oh well, Nick, when you sup with the devil you need a long spoon.

Tories Contine Campaign Of Thievery.

Under the cover offered by the Olympics the Tories are putting their campaign to steal the country from its real owners up a gear. Serco, a leading private enterprise company that has interests in anything where there's money for old rope and has a global income of £4 billion, is bidding for several lucrative contracts made available by Cameron's "Big Society." Originally pitched as a means for charities to take over the functions of the state, the "Big Society" has now morphed into an opportunity for private companies to pocket taxpayer's money for doing as little as possible. Serco is particularly interested in the "National Citizen Service" - a kind of national service which will have young people doing work for nothing. Serco are quite understandbly slavering over the prospect of contracts that will return millions while having to pay absolutely nothing in terms of wages. Such a deal is a cost-cutters wet dream. Meanwhile real charities, who lack the resources of multi-million pound international corporations, are being elbowed aside. The Tories have also managed to side-step a possibly limiting factor when it comes to the sale of the NHS. They have put to one side the requirement for those holding top positions in the NHS to be "fit and proper persons." Learning from their mistake over Rupert Murdoch, who now hasn't a cat in hell's chance of getting his gubby fingers on the rest of BSkyB, they have effectively opened the door for the known criminals who generally operate multi-national companies. The regulator charged with overseeing this theft of our greatest national asset has, in addition, been told to conduct themselves with a "light touch" and rely on "self-certification." In other words the NHS will be opened to the predatory attentions of various criminal elements who will be able to regulate themselves. Well, since it worked so well with the banks, why not?

Saturday, 4 August 2012

British Economic Recovery Destroyed By Osborne.

With the BBC now a "no news zone" for the duration of the Olympics and with their natural aversion to reporting bad news of any kind about the sleazy Tory regime, it has nevertheless emerged that the National Institute of Economic and Social Research (NIESR) see George Osborne as a disaster for Britain. His policies, the NIESR point out, will cost the country "a total of 16.5% in GDP growth over a decade", and that "the recession in 2012 could have been avoided had fiscal tightening measures been delayed". In other words the present recession was made in Downing Street by two men, David Cameron and George Osborne, who are not fit for the positions they hold. What they have done is completely moronic and is the result of ideological thinking that has no foundation whatsoever in reality. But, as the "News in Shorts" has pointed out before, what they are doing is only tangentially about the economy. Both are millionaires and, by training and education, they are both completely disconnected from the rest of us. What they want is to dismantle the state because they choose to believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that the private sector can do a cheaper and better job. Yet, as the debacle over G4S demonstrated, they cannot seriously believe that the private sector is capable of rising to the challenge. It is, therefore, all about the private sector being "cheaper." Not for you and me of course - we will continue to pay through the nose for indifferent service from the private sector and our wages will continue to decline as they desperately cut their costs. It will only be cheaper for the wealthy who will use this deeply flawed economic model as a thin excuse to cut taxes for themselves. This recession is probably the first in history to be entirely manufactured for ideological reasons with one goal and one goal only - to further feather the nests of the very people who caused it all in the first place.

Friday, 3 August 2012

Clegg Feels A Sharp Pain Between The Shoulder Blades.

After several months of concern over his health Nick Clegg has finally discovered the source of the pain between his shoulder blades. The discovery of a thin Tory blade protruding from his back should have come as no surprise, however, since Nick Clegg has been sinking a very similar blade into the collective back of the entire British electorate for the last two years. What prompted this sudden realisation was David Cameron's "reluctant" retreat over House of Lords reform today - something he's been "forced" into by a few Tory backbenchers who have threatened to throw their toys out of the pram. Nick Clegg has now managed to gain exactly nothing out his association with the most vicious Tory administration in living memory. Nothing except, that is, a total loss of support amongst the electorate who have watched as the LibDems have betrayed every principle they are supposed to stand for. Reform of the House of Lords was the policy that Nick Clegg sold the NHS down the river for and it was his last chance to get something for the LibDems that they could pretend to be proud of. Nick Clegg can no longer fail to see what everyone else in the country already knows - that David Cameron and his Tory pals would sell their own grandmother for an extra quid. Nor can he avoid the conclusion that has been evident to the rest of us for some time - that he is the most outwitted bungler in British politics. Still we can at least now sit back and watch the cat and dog fight between the Tories and the LibDems over the proposed boundary changes that Cameron hopes might save his party at the next election. Perhaps G4S could provide the referees.

Tories Empty London

Even during the height of the Blitz in 1940 the streets of London remained as busy as ever during the day but the Tories have managed to do what even Hitler failed to do - they have all but emptied London. As many as 1.5 million people have arranged to work from home during the Olympics. Many of these people are Civil Servants but by far the largest number come from the banking industry. Most of these people will, of course, spend their days watching the Olympics - which just goes to show how needed these people really are - and partake in the feckless behaviour that they would like to believe that the unemployed and disabled indulge in. What is even more shocking, however, is that during the most prestigious sporting event in the world tourism is at an all-time low. Cafes, bars and hotels are virtually empty as people, especially foreign tourists, stay away in droves. How did this happen? The rot began to set in last summer when the riots that spread across London and the rest of the country showed the whole world that Tory cuts to the police force were an out-and-out disaster. Things got even worse when the Tories deliberately picked a fight with transport workers in London and brought on the threat of strike action during the Olympics. Then there was the pictures of huge queues at British airports as the Tories dismantled the Border Agency. Finally there was the debacle caused by the utter failure of G4S to provide the security they had contracted for at the Olympics themselves. The message sent out by the Tories to the rest of the world was clear - Britain is a dangerous place, is on the brink of revolution and is run by a bunch of ideologically driven morons who couldn't run a booze up in a brewery.

Tory Scroungers Desperately Point The Finger.

Ian Duncan Smith and Chris Grayling, looking like two evil hard-bolied eggs in a double egg cup, have renewed their attack on the disabled with even greater vigour. In the "Guardian" Grayling has written a piece that attempts to make his personal crusade against lazy and feckless people without legs look reasonable. Taking a woman with depression he claims to have met, he poses the question "Wouldn't she be better off working?" The answer is, of course, that I and the vast majority of "Guardian" readers would not have the slightest idea. Perhaps Grayling should ask her doctor. One thing is for certain and that is that IDS and Grayling have made sure that ATOS is a doctor-free zone and that their "tick-box" approach to assessment is as unfair as it can conceivably be. Meanwhile the parents of disabled children have been receiving letters from the DWP warning them that if they spend their children's allowances on themselves then the children may be taken off them. The assumption is clear - the DWP believe that all parents of disabled children are lazy feckless scroungers taking advantage of their children's disabilities to buy cigarettes, alcohol, and satellite TV for themselves. All of this is bad enough but is made even worse by the behaviour of Chris Grayling who has plundered the public purse through his expenses claims to purchase four properties in London. He has even managed to manipulate the expenses system to purchase two different flats in London as his "second home" at the same time. And this despite the fact that his constituency home is less than 17 miles from the House of Commons. When it comes to scrounging Chris Grayling is the master and for him to point the finger at disabled people is hypocrisy of the worst kind. He is the true face of the nasty Tory party that David Cameron has been at such pains to deny.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Murdoch Plans His Revenge.

It has long been obvious that Rupert Murdoch does not like Britain and has nothing but contempt for the British - especially the country's governments. Judging everyone by his own low standards he has always supported those he sees as a possible ally in his bid to inflict damage on this country. A staunch supporter of the Tories when they could serve his purpose of destroying the print unions and leaving him free to bring the tabloids he owned down to ever lower levels, he switched when Tony Blair hoved into view and promised to replace the basically decent John Major as PM. Two years ago he threw his weight behind David Cameron, recognising a plausible, two-faced conman when he saw one. Now that Cameron has failed to live up to Murdoch's hope that the PM would protect him during the Leveson Enquiry he has switched his support to Boris Johnson. Boris, for his part, has been visbly fawning on the odious old man and has invited him to the Olympics as his guest. Murdoch is rubbing his hands together - hoping to replace a moron, Cameron, with a buffoon, Boris. The only question that remains is will the British people be so stupid as to even countenance Boris Johnson as Prime Minister?