Lid Dems: Whistling In The Dark?

Yesterday it was Nick Clegg who was carefully explaining why the Lib Dems had nothing to do with government in Britain over the last four-and-a-half years even as he sought, at the same time, to crow about his party's "success" as part of the Coalition. Today it was Vince Cable explaining how those nasty Tories are ideological dingbats who have only been kept in check by a courageous Lib Dem party who had absolutely nothing to do with all the unpopular policies they have only apparently supported. The best that can be said about such claims is that the Lib Dem party is in denial, hands in pockets and whistling loudly while staring at the sky. The reality is that the Lib Dems are cynically adopting a cake and eat it approach to politics, pretending that they are a responsible party who only acted irresponsibly because they had no other choice. To say their message is garbled is being kind. Desperate to find a way out of the moral maze they find themselves in all they can do is talk to themselves because no one else is listening. There is no rational explanation for what they have been doing for the last four-and-a-half years and no amount of groveling and apologising can repair the moral damage they've inflicted on themselves and the societal damage they've helped to inflict on the rest of us. They could have stood aside and let the Tories form a minority government, unable to to get through their nastiest policies in the face of an uncertain majority in parliament. Under those circumstances the Tories would not have dared to punish the poor and vulnerable, reward the greedy, selfish and criminal, undermine the NHS or plunder the British economy for their own ends. The vicious nasty policies that the Tories have lashed ordinary people with were only possible because the Lib Dems sold themselves to the highest bidder and no amount of claiming that they have "found their soul again" can undo the damage they have done to Britain. Once you sell your soul to the Devil it remains sold.

Crooked Coalition Defrauds The Country.

Vince Cable, pictured above appealing to heaven to save his tattered reputation, has been trying to defend the abysmal Royal Mail deal he has foisted on the country. The bottom line is that he and his Tory pals deliberately undervalued Royal Mail so their rich mates could make a killing and pass some of the stolen money on to the Tories and the Lib Dems in "donations". The banks who "advised" on the sales and promised they wouldn't buy the shares simply to flog them on for a nice profit did exactly that as fast as they could and pocketed a cool £750 million of taxpayers money in a single day. Vince's criminal boss, David Cameron, tried to come to the rescue by telling the country that the sale was "a good deal for the taxpayer" but failed to explain how losing three-quarters of a billion pounds could possibly described as "good" except in terms of public money being laundered by a criminal government intent on asset stripping the entire country. The Labour party is demanding Cable's immediate resignation but this hardly going far enough - both the Tory party and the Lib Dems should be hauled into court and prosecuted for fraud before they turn their malign attention to the privatisation of the NHS. These people are no better than common thieves hiding behind the threadbare alibi that privatisation is good for the country. Privatisation is nothing more than a scheme thought up by criminal bankers and criminal politicians to divert taxpayers money into their offshore tax free bank accounts. It inevitably leads to rip off prices, worse services and a loss of tax revenue and is deliberately designed to transfer money from the poor to the greedy, selfish and already far-too-wealthy. This is not a political principle it is a crime pure and simple.

Banks Pocket Billions From Royal Mail Sell Off.

Vince Cable, pictured above with the new £10 stamp, has been defending the obvious scam that he's helped foist off on the British public over the sale of Royal Mail. "This is about more than just the level of proceeds received on day one," he told reporters without explaining what the hell that is supposed to mean. The truth is that shares in Royal Mail were sold for less than a third of their true worth and handed over publicly-owned assets worth at least £10 billion for a measly £3.3 billion. It was certainly the crime of the century - especially for the banks who "advised" the government during the sale. It was they who determined what price that the shares should go for and it was they, having picked up a nice little £17 million fee for their "advice", that greedily gobbled up most of the shares available at the knock-down price. According to the "Guardian" the banks have "strongly denied any of the banks would directly profit from the being allocated shares" since the shares had been "bought to help make money on behalf of clients in the asset management divisions". The fact that these "clients" were mainly hedge funds owned by those same banks is, apparently, neither here nor there. The government, it would seem, has not gone to any great lengths to obscure this obvious fraud but, then again, they don't have to. Such a theft of publicly-owned assets is perfectly legal according to the laws they have framed for their own convenience while the dubious morality of such a thing is hardly of great concern to such an accomplished bunch of crooks, spivs and conmen. As usual, though, it is the British public who will lose and who will lose even more as mail services are cut to the bone, wages for mail workers are slashed and prices climb ever higher to feed the insatiable greed of executives, shareholders and, of course, the banks.

Vince Cable Nails His Colours To The Mast.

Nick Clegg spent much of yesterday trailing around the TV studios trying to defuse in advance whatever Vince Cable might say about the Tories and the Coalition government at the Lib Dem conference. He needn't have bothered. Screwing up all his courage Vince told the Lib Dem conference that the Tories are "ugly" and "blinkered", he suggested that the Tories had made scapegoats of the unions, benefit claimants and immigrants and that they had "reverted to type" as "the nasty party." He darkly intimated that he had several private "red lines" which, if crossed, would trigger his resignation from the Coalition government. Unfortunately he then went on to tell the conference that the Lib Dems are right to support the deeply unfair and entirely selfish economic policy of austerity for the poor while millionaires are rewarded for their greed. Nor did he reveal what his personal "red lines" might be. In fact any analysis of Vince Cables speech will find it long on rhetoric and very, very short on anything that might pin him down in the future. Essentially he blamed the Tories for every nasty, spiteful policy sponsored by the Coalition government while mounting the Nuremburg Defence for himself and the Lib Dem party. He and the rest of his two-faced Lib Dem colleagues will not shoulder any responsibility for the last three years because they are only following orders.

Vince Cable Spends Entire Day Pretending He's Still Vince Cable.

Vince Cable has had a terrible day today. Should he go to the Lib Dem Conference and confess that he's actually a closet Tory like the rest of his party or denounce Nick Clegg for the two-faced hypocrite that he is? Should he stick to the line that Tory economic policy is a disastrous ideologically-driven load of old self-serving tosh as he did when in opposition, or support austerity for the poor and powerless and keep his nice cushy money-for-old-rope job? It was a moment of supreme political tension, a titanic struggle between self-interest and doing the honourable thing. Should he sit quietly as the leader of his party betrayed everything that the Lib Dems are supposed to stand for or take the rostrum and rouse the party in revolt against an austerity policy that serves only the interests of the greedy, selfish and self-serving Tories. What a dilemma, what a challenge to any man's conscience. In the end, of course, dear old Vince did none of these things. He arrived at the conference one hour late and sat well away from Nick Clegg to signal the strength of his opposition and then voted for every nasty measure the Tories demanded as the price for giving the Lib Dems snout room at the trough. Vince Cable not only betrayed the country and the liberal principles he pretends to believe in, he also betrayed himself. Having spent years building an image of himself as the people's champion and an economic guru, he now stands revealed for what he is - just another confidence trickster on the make, a man for all seasons, a limp rag blowing in the wind. Like Richard III, he can exchange shapes with Proteus for advantages.

National Asset Stolen By Desperate Gang Of Crooks.

Vince Cable, hiding behind his Tory minder Michael Fallon, has announced the sale of British Mail today. We asked Mr.Fallon for his view after Vince Cable told us "Nothing to do with me mate"; "We are very excited by this sale," Mr Fallon told our reporter, "and I think that our plans should be described in full. First and foremost we will pretend to sell shares to the public, even though they own Royal Mail anyway. Think of it as if a burglar steals something from your house and then can legally offer to flog it back to you. Good eh? When this fails spectacularly on account of the public having no money, we can then turn to flogging it off at a knock-down price to our rich foreign mates. They, of course, will establish their business in the Cayman Islands or wherever and then avoid paying tax on the profits they get from putting up prices to ten times their present levels and forcing down the wages of postal workers. And, if after all this, the company still gets into trouble then we can nationalise the debts and get the taxpayer to bail them out. All in all we see this as a good deal." Somewhat concerned by this analysis we asked Mr.Fallon how this could be seen as a good deal for the public; "Public?" Mr.Fallon replied. "Oh, you mean the chumps who pay our wages and provide us with unlimited expense accounts? Who gives a monkey's trunk about them? They're too stupid to even notice when we're ripping them off and some of them will even be persuaded to buy shares in assets they already own. Give 'em a couple of grand in one hand and then take millions off them from the other and they'll be happy. In fact they'll probably erect a statue to me they're that stupid."

Vince Cable's Support For Second-Rate Management.

Vince Cable has announced his support of the bone-idle, second-rate management that plagues both the private and public sector in Britain. The reduction of the cap on awards for unfair dismissal are supposed to make it more attractive for business to employ more people. Of course it will do no such thing - only a return of confidence in the economy, something the present government cannot or will not create, can do that. This is merely a sop to those managers and executives in this country who cannot do their job properly. It will help to protect those who have no skill in selecting staff, lack the character to handle "difficult" workers or get annoyed when staff refuse sexual favours on demand. At the end of the day unfair dismissal is exactly that - unfair - and making it less expensive for the perpetrator is similarly unfair. A cap of £72,000 was sufficient to act as a deterrent - lowering it to one year's wages will make it infinitely easier to sack lower paid workers. So now the managers in Britain have a double protection since their wages have continued to rise whereas ordinary worker's wages have stagnated. Many banker's who can claim for unfair dismissal will still be able to collect lottery wins in compensation while the rest of us will get barely enough to buy a good second-hand car. All in this together? I don't think so Vince.

Vince Cable Latest To Throw Toys Out Of The Pram.

Vince Cable waded into the spat between the Tories and LibDems today telling his coalition partners that their proposed boundary changes would be defeated in the Commons with the aid of the Labour party. Another LibDem who's discovered where he left his spine? Unfortunately for the rest of us the answer has to be a resounding "no." If Vince really did think in terms of the national interest instead of the narrow interests of the LibDem party then perhaps the economic figures would be a little healthier. After all he is the Business Secretary. Instead we have the Bank of England having to point out the blindingly obvious - that the British economy is flat on its back and, like a turtle, lacks the means to get back onto its feet. To drive the message home the deficit figures out today show the greatest gap between imports and exports since 1997 which, by the merest coincidence, happens to have been the last time the Tories were in charge of wrecking the economy. So, as far as Vince is concerned, its 10 out of 10 for scratching the Tories eyes out and 0 out 10 for actually doing his job.

Vince Cable Labelled As "Socialist."

Adrain Beecroft, the Tories own pet fascist, has come out fighting today after Vince Cable described his plan to remove all worker's rights as "nonsense." Describing Cable as a "socialist" because he doesn't agree with his idiotic notions, Beecroft has also suggested that the Tories are being "held back" by their LibDems colleagues. That Beecroft is a moron is clearly demonstrated by this statement since, without the LibDems, the Tories would have been out on their ears months ago and, indeed, would never have been able to form a government in the first place. “I think people find it very odd that Vince Cable in charge of business and yet appears to do very little to support business,” Beecroft told the "Telegraph". Strangeley enough the "News in Shorts" thinks it odd that a tax-dodging bloodsucker whose company, Wonga.com, preys on the poor and vulnerable, should be advising government on worker's rights. "The Tories have privately been very supportive of my ideas," he also stated, but seemed strangely shy of admitting as much. Perhaps that's another nasty little surprise for us all if this bunch of crooks, spivs and conmen ever actually win a general election.

Vince Cable Finds Banks To Be Crooks.

Vince Cable has discovered that banks are actually a bunch of crooks, it was revealed today. "They are trying to dodge regulation by citing the present economic chaos that they caused in the first place," the Minister for Funny Business stated in apparent amazement. "Why would they do such a thing?" he asked wringing his hands with anguish. A spokesman for the Banking Association, Anthony Fiddler, commented; "Now is not the time for regulation with all this economic chaos going on. Regulation could mean that we're no longer allowed to indulge our addiction to gambling with other people's money and where would that leave us all?" Asked to intervene in the growing row, Prime Minister Without Portfolio David Cameron told the Italian press, "The banks have a point. Gambling with other people's money is an honourable profession. The Tories do it everytime we get elected into office."