Lid Dems: Whistling In The Dark?

Yesterday it was Nick Clegg who was carefully explaining why the Lib Dems had nothing to do with government in Britain over the last four-and-a-half years even as he sought, at the same time, to crow about his party's "success" as part of the Coalition. Today it was Vince Cable explaining how those nasty Tories are ideological dingbats who have only been kept in check by a courageous Lib Dem party who had absolutely nothing to do with all the unpopular policies they have only apparently supported. The best that can be said about such claims is that the Lib Dem party is in denial, hands in pockets and whistling loudly while staring at the sky. The reality is that the Lib Dems are cynically adopting a cake and eat it approach to politics, pretending that they are a responsible party who only acted irresponsibly because they had no other choice. To say their message is garbled is being kind. Desperate to find a way out of the moral maze they find themselves in all they can do is talk to themselves because no one else is listening. There is no rational explanation for what they have been doing for the last four-and-a-half years and no amount of groveling and apologising can repair the moral damage they've inflicted on themselves and the societal damage they've helped to inflict on the rest of us. They could have stood aside and let the Tories form a minority government, unable to to get through their nastiest policies in the face of an uncertain majority in parliament. Under those circumstances the Tories would not have dared to punish the poor and vulnerable, reward the greedy, selfish and criminal, undermine the NHS or plunder the British economy for their own ends. The vicious nasty policies that the Tories have lashed ordinary people with were only possible because the Lib Dems sold themselves to the highest bidder and no amount of claiming that they have "found their soul again" can undo the damage they have done to Britain. Once you sell your soul to the Devil it remains sold.

Nick Clegg's Amazing Epiphany.

Nick Clegg has had an epiphany. After supporting a minority Tory administration for over four years he has finally admitted that the Tory party is full of "head-bangers" and that the bedroom tax is both unjustified and horribly unfair. Which rather begs the question as to why he supported it in the first place? The basis of his objections now seem to lie in the fact that the policy hasn't "worked". Worked in what sense? The tax has punished the poor for being poor, forced many into further debt and led to many losing their homes. So what did Clegg expect the policy to do exactly? Did he really believe that people would be able to move into smaller properties even though he knew that these did not exist? Apparently, since Danny Alexander said today that the Lib Dems "have always said that we'd be guided by the evidence and now we have it." Is he really telling us that he now has "evidence" that non-existent properties are actually non-existent? Did the Lib Dems really have help to inflict untold misery on thousands of people simply to gather evidence of what everyone else already knew? Are they so unutterably stupid that they need evidence of the bloody obvious? If so they are hardly worth voting for, if not then they are too hypocritical to vote for. Either way Nick Clegg's belated epiphany cannot be equated with St.Paul's epiphany on the road to Damascus. Rather Nick Clegg is on the road to his own personal Cavalry and, with the rest of his treacherous party, will suffer a well deserved crucifixion in May 2015.

What Century Are We In Again?

You could be forgiven this week for wondering what century we are actually living in. If Vladimir Putin is to be believed we are somewhere in the mid-20th century. If you listen to the banks then we are somewhere in the last quarter of the 19th century during the Gilded Age. According to David Cameron we will shortly be fetching up somewhere in the 18th century, while Iain Duncan Smith won't be happy until we arrive in the depths of the Dark Ages. The problem seems to be that our politicians are getting somewhat confused as to what their role actually is. They are supposed to govern and, in what we laughingly refer to as democracies, they are supposed to look after the best interests of the people who pay their wages and underwrite their expense accounts. Instead we seem to have been saddled with a bunch of knuckle-dragging throwbacks who see their role as returning us all to some mythical golden age that exists only in their fevered imaginations. In Britain the Tories are very fond of the word "mission" but not so fond of the word "work" which they would like to cut back by shrinking the state so they can turn their attention to their non-jobs as part-time banking executives. Meanwhile Nick Clegg seems to be utterly confused, bemoaning the "ungenerous and backward-looking" politics he has done so much to create, and hoping to best Nigel Farage in the forthcoming European elections thus returning his party to their usual position of utter and thoroughly deserved irrelevance. Are these backward-looking bozos really the best we can do? Ed Miliband has said that we are better than this. All we can do is hope that, if he becomes Prime Minister, he will show us that its true.

Nick Clegg Rewrites History.

Nick Clegg has desperately tried to breath life into his stalled political career by rewriting recent history. Conveniently forgetting that it was his coalition partners, the Tories, who deregulated the banking industry back in the early 1980's, he has claimed that Labour was single-handedly responsible for the world-wide banking collapse in 2008. Apart from the obvious fact that the collapse began in the United States where, as far as this writer knows, Labour was never in power, he has also ignored the total support offered to the finance industry not only by all three political parties in Britain but by all political parties across the world. The problem, which Clegg also ignores, was that the banks were not only utterly reckless they also lied about it. Essentially the entire finance industry was turned into one giant Ponzi scheme by the bankers themselves in a concerted criminal conspiracy and then they tried to hide the truth for as long as possible to avoid the inevitable consequences. Yet you can understand Clegg's dilemma since, in cooperation with that other criminal organisation, the Tories, he has consistently told us all that the perpetrators of this crime are safe and warm in intensive care while the victims, you and me, have been apprehended, tortured and then flung into the prison of austerity. Taking a leaf out of the bankers book Cameron, Osborne and Clegg have pedalled an outrageous lie in order to postpone the inevitable consequences of the bankers crime spree and save their own wealth. Clegg has done nothing more or less than pile a political conspiracy on top of a financial conspiracy for completely selfish reasons. Clegg is a liar and a coward, hiding behind the Nasty party as he blithely helps them punish us for the crimes of their wealthy backers. The man is a scoundrel in every sense of the word and, hopefully, will soon see his less than illustrious political career put out with all the rest of the garbage.

Political Corruption And The Art Of Coalition Government.

Tory MP Brian Binley has been boasting about political corruption in Britain while on a taxpayer paid junket to Malta. Gleefully describing himself as a "political hanger on" Binley told the Bank of Valetta that he will push their interests in Britain confident of success because British politicians "are totally corrupt." In the meantime Nick Clegg was happy to defend MP's claiming the energy bills for their second homes on the basis that the cost of living was increasing while he and his wife both has "jobs" and, therefore, deserved the money because they are "hard-working." The arrogance and sense of entitlement displayed by these two corrupt, self-serving and greedy politicians amply demonstrates the extent of the political corruption in Britain. Our politicians are now so corrupt that they don't even understand what the word means any more. They honestly believe that they are entitled to unlimited access to public funds simply because they are "important" public figures. They can't even be sacked for a total and unmitigated failure to do their jobs as Iain Duncan Smith's less than glittering career as the Work and Pension Secretary demonstrates quite clearly. Having totally wasted £140 million on a useless IT system, wasted even more millions on a mandatory work scheme that has proved less successful than doing nothing and pushed hundreds of thousands of people into utter destitution, David Cameron is still insisting that IDS is "doing exactly the right thing". The corruption is now so pronounced and the government so inept that PricewaterhouseCoopers (PcW) is warning that austerity in Britain will have to last until at least 2030 and that the electorate will just have to get used to a standard of living not experienced since the 1950's. Punished because the banks were run by criminals, we are now being punished so that politicians can keep the gravy train moving and to provide the "savings" necessary to fund their tax cuts.

Nick Clegg And The Gentle Art Of Betrayal.

Nick Clegg is getting desperate these days as the general election in 2015 draws ever closer. Having utterly betrayed those who voted for him and his party, having betrayed every principle that his party is supposed to stand for, having betrayed the country, he is now positioning himself to betray his coalition partners. His attack on Michael Gove's education policy, after years of supporting it, is nothing more than opportunism - a feeble excuse to distance himself from the crimes of this government before he's called to account at the ballot box. Cameron has expressed his "surprise" at this sudden move but it is hard to understand why. Clegg is a weasel and is behaving as weasels do. Cameron should understand this since he is weasel too and, like Clegg, will countenance any measure that protects his wealth and privilege especially if someone else has to pay for it. Gove's policy in terms of independent academies was always bound to fail since it allowed education to be placed into the hands of any untrained swivel-eyed loon with an axe to grind. Clegg knew this but supported it anyway. The scandal over the Al-Madinah free school in Derby and others like it was bound to surface sooner or later and Clegg must have known this too. For his part Gove is only interested in lowering his tax bill and wouldn't give a damn about education even if the Taliban themselves were opening schools in the North of England. There is, however, a silver lining in this particular cloud since we can now all sit back and watch the fun as the pack of rats forming our present government turn on one another instead of us.

George Osborne Now Clearly As Insane As Nick Clegg.

Politicians will always bend the truth to suit their purposes - they called such lying by the much milder term "spin". Yesterday, however, Nick Clegg set a new trend by telling porkies that are such whoppers that no one in their right mind would give them any credence whatsoever. His lies were so extreme that he presented himself not as simply a politician trying to fool the public for private gain but as a man suffering from a pathological brain disease that causes extreme delusions. Nothing loath when he thinks he sees a good wheeze, George Osborne has taken a leaf out of Clegg's book and has now made up a story that is so far from the truth that you have to question his sanity. Talking to the Institute of Directors he told them that he was not deliberately inflating the housing bubble, though he plainly is, and that people should "not pretend there's a housing boom" even though that is clearly what we have. In other words Osborne is trying to deny what is plainly visible and telling people they should close their eyes and listen only to his voice. We expect politicians to be liars, we expect them to weave and dodge their way around inconvenient facts, we expect them to put a gloss on things to put themselves in the best light possible. However, what both Clegg and Osborne are doing is so creepy that you have to question whether they are fit for office any longer - if they ever were. These are not simply lies, they are deliberate attempts to deceive for what can only be regarded as criminal purposes. Both men should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act before they harm themselves and, more importantly, before they inflict even more harm on the rest of us.

Nick Clegg Pleads For Another Term In Office.

Nick Clegg climbed onto the stage at the Lib Dem conference today and gave not one but two speeches. The first speech was addressed to the party itself. He began by claiming credit for the non-existent economic recovery even if he described it as "the wrong kind of recovery." He then went on to claim a string of victories in stopping the worst excesses of the Tories including preventing a tax cut for millionaires that went ahead anyway, "closing down the debate over Trident" even as that debate still rages and profit-making in schools even though those profits remain a nice little earner for several educational multi-nationals. Having re-written history to his own satisfaction he then turned to persuading the electorate that the Lib Dems deserve to retain their nice cushy jobs in the government. His chosen method of persuasion was a mixture of wishful thinking and unsubstantiated threats. "We have destroyed two-party politics in Britain" and "coalition government works". "If the Tories get a majority they will give us an unfair recovery. If Labour get a majority they'll mess it all up." The truth is that Nick Clegg was begging for his and his party's political life. He managed to get a foot in the door of No.10 by a campaign of outright lies. He has either ignored, reneged on or simply failed to achieve nearly all of his stated aims. He has betrayed every principle he told us the Lib Dem party stood for. He has actively cooperated with the most reactionary, self-serving and downright evil manifestations of the Tory creed this country has ever seen. Yet, despite all of this, he has the sheer brass neck to tell us all that he would do it all over again, or change tack and support Labour if it suits his purposes, simply to retain his cushy job. What he did was to announce a new Lib Dem party - shorn of any principles and ready to be as expedient as is needed to retain power.

Vince Cable Nails His Colours To The Mast.

Nick Clegg spent much of yesterday trailing around the TV studios trying to defuse in advance whatever Vince Cable might say about the Tories and the Coalition government at the Lib Dem conference. He needn't have bothered. Screwing up all his courage Vince told the Lib Dem conference that the Tories are "ugly" and "blinkered", he suggested that the Tories had made scapegoats of the unions, benefit claimants and immigrants and that they had "reverted to type" as "the nasty party." He darkly intimated that he had several private "red lines" which, if crossed, would trigger his resignation from the Coalition government. Unfortunately he then went on to tell the conference that the Lib Dems are right to support the deeply unfair and entirely selfish economic policy of austerity for the poor while millionaires are rewarded for their greed. Nor did he reveal what his personal "red lines" might be. In fact any analysis of Vince Cables speech will find it long on rhetoric and very, very short on anything that might pin him down in the future. Essentially he blamed the Tories for every nasty, spiteful policy sponsored by the Coalition government while mounting the Nuremburg Defence for himself and the Lib Dem party. He and the rest of his two-faced Lib Dem colleagues will not shoulder any responsibility for the last three years because they are only following orders.

Nick Clegg Defends His Record In Government.

Nick Clegg came out of hiding today to tell the BBC about his plans to betray the country once again after the next election. After telling us that we quite liked coalition government despite all the evidence to the contrary, he defended all the policies that he failed to get past his Tory pals and claimed that any future Labour government would "wreck the current economic recovery for the rich". Britain, he confidently asserted, would not give either Labour or the Tories an overall majority at the next general election and he would make absolutely sure that we would all benefit from another five years of Tory government. "We must finish our work of killing of the unemployed, useless cripples and poor people," he told the BBC. "I have become very comfortable here in cloud-cuckoo-land," he added, "and would like to extend my term in a cushy job that pays well, gives me unlimited expenses and doesn't demand much in the way of effort. If everyone in Britain got off their idle arses and got themselves a job like mine just think how happy they would be. That is the trouble with this country. If we all became as vicious, self-serving and greedy as my Tory mates we'd all be much better off." Meanwhile Clegg's party, delighted by his divorce from reality, were busy distancing themselves from both him and the Tories as 90% of the party expressed their wish to get as far away from the Tories as they can. A Lib Dem spokesperson told our reporter; "We are gratified that our leader is so complacent and we wish him well after his retirement from politics three years ago. We have found the experience of being emasculated by the Tories very exhilarating but feel that we shouldn't repeat the experience anytime soon. We are now looking forward to Labour reversing all the welfare reforms before we too find ourselves out of work."

Nick Clegg's Shock Discovery.

Nick Clegg is reportedly suffering from shock after discovering that no one in their right mind will ever vote Lib Dem again. We asked Mr.Clegg for his reaction to this astounding news; "I simply don't understand it. I thought that if we ditched everything we pretended to stand for we would at least remain as popular as the Tory party. How can this happen when I've been explaining to everyone this week that the economic recovery we are now enjoying was all because of me? I have single-handedly saved both the Royal Mail and the NHS and, in addition to my many triumphs, I have also got the trains running on time. Now I find that, despite this, 75% of people will not vote Lib Dem no matter what we do while the other 25% simply didn't understand the question. The fact that we haven't polled more than 23% of the electorate in any election since the 1920's is neither here nor there. I thought that after selling the country to the Tories for ministerial cars and an unlimited expense account we would be at least more popular than a banking executive. Where did it all go wrong?" We asked a spokesperson for the party view; "It is difficult to understand. You'd think that a catamite for the Tory party would be more popular wouldn't you? It just goes to show that modern politics is more complicated than wearing a clean shirt and smiling a bit. One of our focus groups has mentioned those "principle" thingies but we can't find anyone in the party who understand what they are exactly. There have been some disquiet about "policy" as well but we don't understand that either. We're Lib Dems and leave things like "policy" to the Tories. We asked them is we could borrow some of their "principles" but they told us that they haven't got any either."

Clegg Stifles Debate On The Economy.

Nick Clegg and the other Tories who have hijacked the LibDem party have managed to stifle any debate over the economy at their conference today. The Social Liberal Forum (SLF), a LibDem pressure group that still believes democracy actually exists within their party, were "frustrated" when they were expertly outmanoeuvred by the Tory-inspired Insane Tendency that has all but destroyed them as a political force. Prateek Buch, director of the SLF said; "I cannot understand how a serious party of government can decide, against the democratic will of our members, not to debate the single most important issue that faces our country." We asked Nick Clegg for his explanation; "We cannot discuss the economy in any meaningful sense because Britain no longer actually has one. There is absolutely no point in endlessly talking about something we haven't got a clue about or are prepared to do anything about. People have to realise that in order to create a more equal society we have to get rid of poverty and the quickest way to do that is to get rid of the poor. It is clear that making the poor pay for the criminal activity of bankers is the fairest way to tackle this problem - otherwise rich people will have to pay for it and that would never do. The LibDems didn't get where they are today because of democracy or because they know anything about economics. We got here by lying to the electorate and we must persevere with the strategy that has stood us in such good stead so far. The problem with the economy is not that it is flatlining but that people keep asking awkward questions about it."

Nick Clegg: "I Don't Know What I Know."

It can be very difficult to understand what, if anything, Nick Clegg actually stands for. While it is true that there is no principle he won't sacrifice to hang on to the shadow if not the substance of power, what he actually thinks remains a total mystery. In fact so mysterious is it that Clegg himself doesn't seem to know what he thinks. Take this latest scandal over Chris Rennard. At first Clegg told us he knew nothing about it but it then transpired that he had been told about it four years ago. He then countered with the politicians favourite reply that he "didn't know the specifics." So what, exactly, did he know or not know? According to him he must have been informed about "something." How did the conversation go? Political Aide; "Mr Clegg we have some bad news about Chris Rennard." Nick Clegg "Oh dear, what can it possibly be?" Political Aide; "We don't actually know. But it seems to have sexual overtones." Nick Clegg; "What has been said about poor old Chris." Political Aide; "We don't know but it might be serious." Nick Clegg; "Who is making the claims?" Political Aide; "We don't know that either." Nick Clegg; "Oh my God its worse than I thought. Whatever you do don't tell me any more." Political Aide; "Any more about what?" Nick Clegg; "Chris Rennard." Political Aide; "Chris Rennard? My God what's he done?" Nick Clegg; "I don't know." Political Aide; "Oh well, that's all right then."

Where Is The Resistance? Where Is The Leadership?

While David Cameron picks his fight with Europe to please his backbenchers, George Osborne puts his feet up and ignores the economy and Nick Clegg hides and ignores everything, the question arises as to where the resistence to the worst government in living memory is? Councils are having to face 30% cuts as the Tories force poor people, who didn't benefit from the "good times" to pay for the crisis in capitalism now that the bad times are here. Hospitals are being closed and forced into bankruptcy to soften them up for privatisation. Bankers are still paying themselves huge amounts of money for criminal activities and then refusing to pay tax. Wages are being slashed even as politicians seek to increase their own and still treat their expenses claims as a licence to print money. The newspapers are still harassing ordinary people for their "stories" and chasing the famous until they drop from exhaustion. The BBC still completely ignores protests in London while reporting those in Cairo in loving detail. After four years of austerity for us and business as usual for the wealthy what has changed? Nothing. Why? Because there is no effective opposition to all this. The Labour party has the perfect reason for rediscovering its radical roots in this crisis - just as the Tories have rediscovered their elitist, nasty and vicious origins. That Labour chooses to ignore this and offers only a slightly watered-down version of Tory austerity demonstrates that they too are wedded to the status quo. Only one nation has grasped the nettle and done what needs to be done - Iceland - and that has been studiously ignored by politicians and journalists alike. If Icelanders were dying in the streets or murdering each other in a vicious civil war the story would be everywhere, while their success in breaking the grip of corrupt politicians and criminal bankers is hardly worth a mention.

Clegg Too Stupid For His Shirt.

Nick Clegg, the most outwitted bungler in British politics and too dumb too walk and chew gum at the same time, has agreed to a £10 billion cut in welfare in return for a "promise" that the rich will be targetted next. Sniggering behind their hands now that Cameron has ruled out any means by which the rich can be taxed more, the Tories have greeted this enthusiastically and are already rehearsing their excuses for betraying Clegg at the first opportunity. Meanwhile Ian Duncan Smith has given his gracious permission to persecute the disabled and unemployed even more after Cameron gave the go ahead for his universal benefit hobby horse which will be stupendously expensive and unlikely to work. So, once again, the poor will pay up today while the rich will pay up sometime never. The CBI, rubbing their hands together in glee, have taken this opportunity to outline their plans to steal yet more publicly-owned assets by privatising the roads and making us all pay twice for using them. "We can't believe our luck," a CBI spokesman told our reporter. "Not only have we managed to get a Tory government in power through the back door but the recession that they've manufactured gives us the perfect excuse for a crime spree carried out in broad daylight. And no taxes! Oooh, its a dream come true!"

Nick Clegg Tries His Hand At Politics.

After two-and-a-half years of aimlessly wandering about the corridors of power Nick Clegg has had a brainwave - why not try his hand at politics? Having come to the conclusion that the only way to save his "career" as a "politician" is to actually be a politician, he's decided to come out fighting at the LibDem Party Conference. The first priority was to apologise to the students for getting them to vote for him by deception. Apology made, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry" - job done. The next thing on the agends is "get tough" on the rich who have been let off the hook as far as "austerity" is concerned. Make a statement about taxing the rich, sound tough - job done. Next, explain away the economic disaster visited on the country by allowing the Tories to substitute ideology for common sense reality. "We have avoided an economic catastrophe. We have steadied the ship. Now we must set it sailing." - job done. Finally persuade the party that he's the right man to lead them. "You've got no choice. Dump me and you can all wave goodbye to your seats as the electorate see that even you don't believe my lies. Anyway, we might conceivably get another hung parliament and we can then hitch a ride on Labour's coattails." - job done. It's like watching a man claiming to be a great artist sitting down in his studio and then painting by numbers.

Coalition Begins Meltdown.

As the sheer madness of George Osborne's economic policy continues to drain the life out of the country there are growing signs that the Coalition is literlly falling apart at the seams. Calls for Nick Clegg to resign and give way to someone who knows what he is doing are increasing both in frequency and intensity. While the LibDem peer Lord Smith of Clifton describes Mr Clegg as "just a cork bobbing on the waves" and accuses him of "loving the ministerial limousines", he pointedly added "We don't need all these young kids running the government." The sense of growing panic, however, is not confined to a LibDem party in terminal decline - there are signs that the sheep in the Tory party are similarly spooked. While they wonder if David Cameron is a man or a mouse and shy away from the obvious answer, the man who lost the leadership contest last time around, David Davis, is busy re-sharpening his knives. His proscription for saving the country is basically even more of the same - tax cuts for the rich, fewer services for the poor, fewer rights for workers and less regulation of people straining at the leash to commit various criminal acts - all neatly wrapped up in the excuse that the LibDems are to blame for "diluting" Tory nastiness. Asked what and how deeply he would cut the state he told the Telegraph; “This is not something that should be done by plucking numbers out of the air, but after serious analysis." In other words he doesn't want to tell the electorate how vicious he'd like to be until after the next election. "Vote for me - I've got a really cunning plan - but I don't want to let you know what it is until after I get my hand in the till. Trust me - I'm lying to you."

Nick Clegg Tries To Claw His Way Back.

Nick Clegg, probably the worst turncoat in the history of British politics, has apparently had an epiphany and come to the conclusion that perhaps, after all, wealthy people should pay taxes too. Telling the "Guardian" that the recession is deeper than expected and has mysteriously turned into a double-dip variety for no apparent reason, he has suggested that perhaps rich people should pay tax in the interests of "fairness". His colleagues in the LibDem party are reported to be astonished at his sudden conversion to the principle that we should "all be in this together" and it has been widely mooted that Nick might be trying to save his party, not to mention his reputation and career, before the next election. "This is an exciting development," a leading LibDem told the "News in Shorts". "Nick has finally realised that the only way to save the party at the next general election is to get his lies in good and early. We think that this initiative could become one of our flagship policies along with "no tuition fees for students". Meanwhile the Tory half of the firing squad that describes itself as a government showed its true colours when Chris Grayling, the Tory Minister for employment and notorious for the size of his property portfolio paid for by the taxpayer, announced that young Londoners would be forced to work for nothing. "I've looked at Nick's proposal," he told our reporter with a snigger,"and come to the conclusion that this is nothing more than the politics of envy. Rich people can't be taxed because they'll throw their toys out of the pram and move to Lichtenstein. We cannot kill the golden goose that refuses to lay any eggs. I for one would immediately upstakes and move to Belize in order to demonstrate my patriotism. The only way forward is less taxes for me and more for you - after all we are all in this together aren't we?"

Nick Clegg Eyes Europe As An Escape Tunnel.

Nick Clegg, an idiot of with an outstanding lack of political acumen, is reported to be eyeing up a job as Britain's EU Commissioner as a means to escape the mess he's made of his party over the last two years. While membership of the LibDem party has plummeted by 25% in the last year alone and Nick Clegg has managed to sell out their entire supply of political "principles", he is thinking about his own future career. He is also seeking the means to abandon reform of the House of Lords without losing too much face - a quest that seems doomed to abject failure - and avoid a conflict with his Tory pals that might end in a general election and the decimation of the LibDem Party. While muttering darkly about refusing to support Tory plans to rig the political bounderies, Nick is actually engaged in negotiations with David Cameron for an extra ministry for the LibDems. Having sold the NHS down the river for Lord's reform, he is now preparing to sell that down the river in return for an extra ministerial car. Oh well, Nick, when you sup with the devil you need a long spoon.

Clegg Feels A Sharp Pain Between The Shoulder Blades.

After several months of concern over his health Nick Clegg has finally discovered the source of the pain between his shoulder blades. The discovery of a thin Tory blade protruding from his back should have come as no surprise, however, since Nick Clegg has been sinking a very similar blade into the collective back of the entire British electorate for the last two years. What prompted this sudden realisation was David Cameron's "reluctant" retreat over House of Lords reform today - something he's been "forced" into by a few Tory backbenchers who have threatened to throw their toys out of the pram. Nick Clegg has now managed to gain exactly nothing out his association with the most vicious Tory administration in living memory. Nothing except, that is, a total loss of support amongst the electorate who have watched as the LibDems have betrayed every principle they are supposed to stand for. Reform of the House of Lords was the policy that Nick Clegg sold the NHS down the river for and it was his last chance to get something for the LibDems that they could pretend to be proud of. Nick Clegg can no longer fail to see what everyone else in the country already knows - that David Cameron and his Tory pals would sell their own grandmother for an extra quid. Nor can he avoid the conclusion that has been evident to the rest of us for some time - that he is the most outwitted bungler in British politics. Still we can at least now sit back and watch the cat and dog fight between the Tories and the LibDems over the proposed boundary changes that Cameron hopes might save his party at the next election. Perhaps G4S could provide the referees.