The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

MP's Won't Have To Pay More For Their Pensions After All.

Britain's best organised criminal gang, Parliament, have given themselves a surprise present today by suddenly finding out that they won't have to pay more for their pensions after all. While millions of public sector workers have had their pensions downgraded to the derisive levels of those in the private sector, MP's won't be suffering with the rest of us. We asked a member of the Parliamentary Privileges Committee for his reaction; "Well, it wouldn't be a privilege to serve as an MP if it wasn't for all the privileges now would it? People have to realise that MP's are a special case. We have to work very hard, sometimes for several weeks every year, taking tough decisions that have no effect on us at all. Faced with agonising choices between helping ordinary people or grabbing as much for ourselves as possible, we often have to think about it for several minutes before reluctantly concluding that the fair thing to do is enrich ourselves. No one could be more surprised than me that voting to give ourselves a better pension that anyone else in the country would benefit me in any way. It was just one of those things. Very soon now we'll be faced with the difficult decision to vote ourselves a pay rise and I fear that we'll have no choice but to reluctantly make ourselves richer once again. If it wasn't for our expenses most of us wouldn't be able to stand the stress and would be forced to resign and accept unfeasibly large severance settlements.

Monday, 25 February 2013

Who Will Ride The Revolutionary Wave?

Europe has been where it is today once before. In 1848 a wave of liberal revolution swept through the continent as the people, tired of the restrictions imposed on them by their "betters", rose against the establishment and demanded change. Like most revolutions it was largely without direction and was largely leaderless. The unrest that can felt today is similarly directionless and lacks leadership. In 1848 the liberal revolution was effectively hijacked by conservatives who replaced the yearning for freedom with something that was at least concrete - nationalism - and we all know where that led. For the next one hundred years Europe did its best to annihilate itself. The most outstanding figure in this period was Otto von Bismarck who took a rudderless liberal revolution and created a new nation state - Germany. Today conservatives across Europe are desperate to emulate his success, preaching the need for us to endure austerity while they enjoy what little wealth is left, turning us against ourselves while they remain unscathed. Like so many political surfers, leaders like Cameron are trying to ride the revolutionary wave while the rest of us are left to flounder and, eventually, drown. Bismarck did have something to offer, even if it was nothing more than an illusion, but what can Cameron and the rest of the conservatives in Europe offer us? The answer is quite simple - nothing. What we need is a bigger surfboard that we can all ride.

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Nick Clegg: "I Don't Know What I Know."

It can be very difficult to understand what, if anything, Nick Clegg actually stands for. While it is true that there is no principle he won't sacrifice to hang on to the shadow if not the substance of power, what he actually thinks remains a total mystery. In fact so mysterious is it that Clegg himself doesn't seem to know what he thinks. Take this latest scandal over Chris Rennard. At first Clegg told us he knew nothing about it but it then transpired that he had been told about it four years ago. He then countered with the politicians favourite reply that he "didn't know the specifics." So what, exactly, did he know or not know? According to him he must have been informed about "something." How did the conversation go? Political Aide; "Mr Clegg we have some bad news about Chris Rennard." Nick Clegg "Oh dear, what can it possibly be?" Political Aide; "We don't actually know. But it seems to have sexual overtones." Nick Clegg; "What has been said about poor old Chris." Political Aide; "We don't know but it might be serious." Nick Clegg; "Who is making the claims?" Political Aide; "We don't know that either." Nick Clegg; "Oh my God its worse than I thought. Whatever you do don't tell me any more." Political Aide; "Any more about what?" Nick Clegg; "Chris Rennard." Political Aide; "Chris Rennard? My God what's he done?" Nick Clegg; "I don't know." Political Aide; "Oh well, that's all right then."

Iceland Still Being Ignored By World's Press.

For those amongst us who can't imagine what the alternative to rewarding the banks for crashing the world economy might be look at the picture above. It was taken in Iceland as the people there said an emphatic "NO" to picking up the bank's bad debts and "NO" to their politicians who wanted to put them in debt for the rest of their lives. Essentially the people of Iceland quite rightly pointed out that the banks are private companies and do not have an automatic right to public funds in order to avoid the consequencies of their own mistakes. Nor do politicans have the right to impoverish their own citizens simply to protect their wealthy mates. There hasn't been much time devoted to this story over the last five years as the media have concentrated instead on the so-called "Arab Spring." They wouldn't like you to know too much about it because, unlike the "Arab Spring," the Icelandic revolution has been a resounding success. Not only have the Icelandic people told the banks and their political sidekicks to take a hike, it has been recognised that, under international law, they had a perfect right to do so. This is what the soveriegnty of the people means. In Britain and elsewhere across the world politicians have demonstrated quite clearly that they have no interest in the soveriegnty of the people, they care only about their rich cronies in the banks and in protecting their own priviliged positions. The media have been compicit in this confidence trick that they like to call "government" and it is hight time that this story was given the publicity it demands. It is time to wipe the scum off the top of the political brew once and for all.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Britain Waves Bye Bye To Its AAA Credit Rating.

George Osborne, known affectionally to his friends as "Bonehead", has finally achieved his goal of destroying Britain's credit rating. "It was an uphill struggle," George told our reporter. "First I had to stop and then reverse the recovery that Labour had so carelessly allowed. Then I had to flatten the economy by taking out all the demand, stoke up inflation, increase the national debt and, at the same time, make sure that we didn't export anything. Now the banks have rewarded me by reducing our credit rating from AAA to AA1. Its all very exciting and goes to prove my theory that a country doesn't have to be rich to enjoy itself. Look at me - I'm poor, down to my last £20 million, but I'm as happy as Larry. Those who are still in work can now look forward to paying ever-increasing prices for rent, power and fuel while their children will be celebrating having no prospects. At last we are close to creating the Tory paradise we've always wanted - the one in which I and my rich mates don't pay tax and the rest of you can't afford to eat. Now if we can only actually win a general election we can start really motoring, which, given the price of petrol, is more than the rest of you scum can do. We're already warming up the argument that the economic problems are so dire that we'll have to flog off the NHS to cover the overdraft. I'm so happy I could burn a peasant."

Friday, 22 February 2013

Has Iain Duncan Smith Blinked?

Iain Duncan Smith has ordered an investigation into how benefit changes are impacting the disabled. Has the most evil man in British politics seen the light? We asked him for a statement; "There's a rumour going around that my benefit reforms might be unpopular amongst real human beings and I am determined to mount an investigation so the whole question can be kicked into the long grass. My own personal opinion is that the impact on the useless cripples in this country isn't severe enough. All right-thinking Christians like me know that physical deformity and accidental disablement are punishments from God and it is our duty to drive such people into destitution to show them up for the sinners they are. God has told me that I shouldn't be paying tax just to help support useless people in our society because, as everyone knows, God is a Tory. But I haven't just taken His word for and have taken advice from a wide-ranging and diverse number of Tories. They all agree with me, which can't be a coincidence. Some people have doubted my sanity but I've received reassurance from good friend Napoleon who I talk to almost as much as I talk to God. All-in-all I think I'm absolutely right about everything and, with all humility, can claim to be the natural succesor the Jesus Christ. How else can you explain the huge number of people who mutter "Jesus Christ" whenever I speak?"

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Journalists Decide They Like Unions After All.

Journalists have been happily bashing Trade Unions now for years. You've seen the sort of thing - headlines and editorials telling us that "the looney left" are at it again, inconveniencing railway passengers or leaving bereft parents with nowhere to take their kids when they go to work. Trade Union leaders have been hounded, had their home addresses given out, given the title of "Red" this or that and had fun poked at them for not having cut-glass accents. The BBC were not much better, continually harping on about "the winter of discontent" and accusing them of being "socialists" - apparently the worst of all crimes. All this has apparently been forgotten as BBC journalists now find that their jobs are at risk. Suddenly unemployment has ceased to be a "price worth paying" and Trade Unions, at least theirs, are heroically striving to save the country from a fate worse than death - not enough news coverage. Where will we all be without the continual stream of drivel that accompanies such events as Royal Weddings, Prince Philip coming and going in and out of various hospitals and the interminable coverage of endless football and cricket matches? Perhaps we might get some real news for a change - you know, things like why Iceland is doing better than most countries after jailing the bankers and politicians who bankrupted their country. Perhaps we might get a little more sympathy for the poor, disabled and unemployed instead of an endless stream of "Would the Minister like to tall us all how wonderful he is?" Perhaps, but somehow I doubt it.

Monday, 18 February 2013

Why The Tories Really Want To Jetison Human Rights.

After several months of propaganda and scare stories in the press about the inequities of human rights legislation the reason has suddenly become clear today. As several charities, themselves under attack by the Tories and their LibDem lackeys, pointed out, food poverty in Britain is now so bad that the government is in danger of failing to meet its international human rights obligations to its own people. No wonder then that Cameron and his fellow crooks want to ditch the legislation - after all if there's no fault there's no foul. Little wonder as well that Cameron kept his promise to visit a foodbank by using the backdoor and only when there was no one, other than the press that is, to see him. The Tories are literally starving people in order to make their rich mates richer and protect the only charity cases they recognise - bankers. This is the reality of the phrase "We're all in this together." They are in clover and we are in ever-increasing poverty. Make no mistake this is a crime and should be treated as such by the international community. Cameron and his henchmen are no better than any other bunch of crooks masquerading as politicians in some Middle-East dictatorship and should be treated just the same. Pretending that the this country is "democratic" in any real sense of the word should not be enough for them to hide from their crimes.

Is Iain Duncan Smith Too Good To Stack Shelves?

Iain Duncan Smith, a man who lied about his CV and has never done a real day's work in his life, has spent the day disparaging peasants with ideas above their station. He simply cannot understand why a young woman who has put herself into life-long debt to get a degree in geology doesn't want to stack shelves. After all Britain has done very well out of a class system that has wasted the talent of ordinary people for centuries hasn't it? IDS was actually making a serious point. There is, he was arguing, a class of people in this country who by birth are fitted for political greatness and he's one of them. He has a point. No one did more than him to keep the Tory party out of power for more than a decade and no one is working harder than him to make sure they remain unelectable in the future. For this alone he has my undying gratitude. But is IDS himself too good to stack shelves? Alas no - he's actually completely unqualified for the job since he lacks the integrity, intelligence or the work ethic necessary and is a dedicated scrounger of epic ability. A miserable excuse for a human being, he hides behind a facade of religious belief to indulge his vicious little fantasies and, as such, is a natural Tory. Undoubtedly, when he eventually leaves politics, he will be offered a leading role in some criminal organisation such as a bank and will continue his career as an overpaid lump of wood.

Sunday, 17 February 2013

Goves Education Policy "Just One Damned Thing After Another."

It was perhaps inevitable that when choosing his cabinet Cameron would look for the most inappropriate people on offer in order to divert attention away from his own incompetence. Thus Iain Duncan Smith, a man who lied on his own CV and a religious madman without an ounce of Christian charity in his entire body, was put in charge of work and pensions, while Andrew Lansley, a greedy self-serving conman, was put in charge of the nation's health. The list of morons, madmen and swivel-eyed nutters in Cameron's government is almost endless, but his greatest triumph was in putting Michael Gove in charge of Education. This philistine has now unveiled his education policy and, as expected, it is a litany of Tory prejudice and yearning for a return to 19th century "values." History has been given special attention and, consulting with the likes of such "experts" as Lord Ashcroft who is to history what Saddam Hussein was to international harmony, he has come up with a curriculum fit only for the rubbish bin of history. Lessons are to concentrate on "Great Men" such as Clive of India and Benjamin Disraeli and British history is to be the central feature. Basically our children are to be fed a diet of jingoism so they can understand our special position in the world - a position that disappeared, along with the Empire, nearly a century ago. This, Gove tells us, will fit our children to the modern world - the Tory one in which China doesn't exist, disillusioned little brown people beg us to re-establish the Empire and the world awaits with baited breath for our next high-tech innovation. No wonder the Tory candidate for Eastleigh, Maria Hutchings, feels that state education is not "good enough" for her son. It isn't and it won't be good enough for our children either after Gove has finished with it.

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Tories Worried That Women Don't Like Them

The Tories are becoming increasingly worried as the polls show that women are becoming increasingly hostile to them. We asked a Tory spokesman for the party view; "I have one piece of advice for the little ladies in the country - calm down dear. Just because we are destroying their children's education, throwing their husbands out of work and stealing their parent's money there is no reson for them to stop supporting us. They should take a deep breath, make themselves a nice cup of tea and put their trust in us. If not we'll have no alternative but to take away their right to the vote. I recommend reading more Mills & Boon - the sort in which the rich handsome landowner gives the heroine a good seeing to and then throws her a few coins to show how fair-minded and generous he is. That's what the women of this country need - a good f*****g and we're definitely the party for that. We'll f**k anyone for a quid." Meanwhile we asked women still willing to vote Tory for their view. 90% told us "I don't really understand politics and vote the way my husband does" while the other 10% told us "I vote Tory because I'm rich and don't like peasants."

Friday, 15 February 2013

Tories Celebrate Food Industry Deregulation.

While the rest of us are worrying about horsemeat in our bugers and seahorse in our fish fingers, the Tories are celebrating yet another triumph of deregulation. We asked a Tory spokesman for the party's reaction; "We think its marvelous how the criminal fraternity has responded so positively to the deregulation of the food industry and shown the creative ways in which entrepeneurs can add value to our society. Many people have asked where the government has been in all this and we are delighted to say that it was as far away as possible. There's lots of loose talk at the moment about the number of food inspectors we've sacked recently but why do we need them? After all its not as if rich people eat rubbish like this is it? Peasants deserve to eat rotten food because they are poor. At the end of the day its all about choice and we think that choosing between crap food and starvation is character-building if you are poor and, therefore, undeserving. Personally I'd feed them dog food if I though I could make an extra quid or pay less tax. We see this as a definite vote-winner as the fair-minded people in Britain increasingly recognise the fairness of punishing poor people until they give up being penniless and become doctors, barristers, bankers and the CEO's of multinational companies. We're so excited about the success of this that we would like to extend deregulation to the pharmaceutical industry, children's homes and, of course, the banks."

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

IDS Loses Right To Enslave The Unemployed.

A court has found that Ian Duncan Smith, the most smug, self-satisfied and evil man in British politics, doesn't have the right to enslave the unemployed after all. In two cases, that of Cait Reilly from Birmingham and Jamie Wilson from Nottingham, it was found unlawful to force them into unpaid work or to threaten them with a loss of benefits if they refuse. So it's back to the drawing board for IDS whose wet dream of having the power of life and death over poor people is now in tatters. We asked IDS for his reaction; "This is terrible. I am an important person and have a natural right to bully and torture the unemployed as I please. They'll be telling me next that I don't have the right to starve cripples to death or force them to beg in the streets as they deserve. What is wrong with this country? I was only trying to be fair to rich people who really, really don't want to pay tax. What's wrong with that? The real problem is that there are too many people in Britain with a rudimentary education and I still hope that Michael Gove will be able to do something about that soon. Once we can get the scum in this country to recognise my natural superiority and touch their forelock when I glare at them everything will be well. Until then I have to put up with people who still believe they have rights and are in some way my equal. Margaret Thatcher, she of blessed memory, must be turning in her grave."

Monday, 11 February 2013

The Pope Resigns.

Pope Benedict XVI shocked the world today by resigning the Holy See rather that waiting until he dies. Citing ill-health and failing mental faculties, he told a stunned world that he will no longer be interceding between the human race and their invisible friend in the sky. We asked the Vatican for a comment; "The Pope has found the strain of defending Medieval ideas in the modern world simply too much. Talking to God all day is no easy task. At 13.7 billion years of age He is somewhat hard of hearing and tends to shout a bit - God that is not the Pope. God was also getting a bit frustrated trying to explain Dark Matter and Dark Energy to a bloke that still thinks the world, if not flat, should be. For his part the Pope was getting equally frustrated that God wouldn't be told what he should think. All-in-all his Holiness thought that if God wasn't willing to be reasonable then it was time to ask for his P45." We asked an Ayatollah for his reaction; "Well it can't be easy talking all day to a God who isn't there. I've been telling him for years that he's got the wrong name and address for God and he didn't have a son in any case. He wouldn't be told so I suppose his resignation was inevitable. I've been talking to God about it and he said "It serves him right for wearing the wrong frock." Still the pay's not bad and the fringe benefits are pretty good - I might apply for the job myself."

Tim Montgomerie - Apologist-In-Chief Of The Tory Party.

Tom Montgomerie has been at it again in the "Times" today - trying to persuade the Tories that they must emphasise their commitment to "family values." This will show us all, he believes, that the Tory party has a "heart". Unfortunately Tory "family values" are held only by those who can afford them. For them the family consists of Mom and Dad and 2.4 children. Dad works, doing something in the City, Mom stays at home and cooks wholesome dinners made up entirely from fresh ingredients. The kids go to the local academy school, will be expected to get 75 GCSE's at "C" or above, will go to university and then land first-class jobs courtesy of Daddy's friends. They have a dog - not one of those nasty pitbulls but a nice fluffy one - which they take for walks with pooh-bag in hand. The daughter has a pony and will probably qualify for the next Olympics in dressage or show jumping, while the son is expected to win gold in yachting. All are fluent in Latin and Ancient Greek, are thoroughly familiar with Britain's heroic history based entirely on "Great Men" and attend church every Sunday. Meanwhile they are united in their view that anyone earning less than £100,000 is a peasant, that all disabled people are either faking it or crippled because they deserve it, that all the unemployed are natural-born shirkers and scroungers and that Europe is a hotbed of socialist conspiracy. Sounds just like my neighbours - not.

Friday, 8 February 2013

"Work Harder For Another Bedroom" Says MP

Yet another whey-faced bone-idle MP who has never done a real day's work in his life has decided to lecture working people about having too many bedrooms. Steve Webb himself stays at his one-bedroomed flat in London while representing his Bristol constituency at Westminister which, on the face of it, seems to indicate that he is a man of principle. However, the reason he stays in such a flat is because he sold his last flat for a nice fat profit, courtesy of the tax payer, while it was the taxpayer who also picked up the bill for the stamp duty involved. What Mr.Wbb has suggested is that those who lose out because of the bedroom tax should make up for it by working harder. Of course such considerations don't figure in his own budget arrangements since stealing public money means he doesn't pay for anything in the first place. Nor does it take into consideration that two thirds of the people affected by this tax are disabled or unemployed. We asked Mr.Webb for a comment; "I don't see what being unemployed or disabled has to do with it. They could always beg in the streets. This is all about fairness. Why should I, slumming it in my half-million pound one-bedroomed luxury apartment paid for by the taxpayer, have to subsidise some cripple through the taxes that I don't pay? Think of it from my point of view. When I'm slung out of Parliament for being a two-faced LibDem at the next election I'll be forced to sell my flat, pocket the profits and then return to Bristol without the benefit of an expense account. No wonder I'm depressed and forced to glum as much money out of the system as I can before I'm rumbled. The problem with all these cripples and unemployed scum is that they don't know what hard work is. I don't either, to be honest, but, then again, I don't have to do I? We're all in this together or, as I like to think of it, I'm all right Jack."

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Gove Makes His Bid For Party Leadership.

Michael Gove has laid out his qualifications as the next leader of the Tory party today. Having reversed every educational step forward for the last 150 years, Gove has now made the one indespensible move that is absolutely necessary to be a leader of the party - he has made a humilating u-turn on the most fundamental aspect of his policy. Forced into recognising that he no chance whatsoever of achieving his ambition of creating a school qualification reserved only for rich kids, he has no choice but to act as if he's the Education Secretary instead. We asked a senior Tory spokesman for his view; "Michael Gove has demonstrated that he has what it takes to be the next leader of our party. He's not only dismally stupid, he also has the skin of a rhino and is entirely out of touch with 99.9% of the population. We had high hopes for George Osborne, who is equally as well qualified to be leader, but we were quickly disabused when it emerged that his u-turns were ill-considered and he has failed to bankrupt the country quickly enough. His reputation was irrecoverably wrecked when he failed to tax pasties and lost a valuable opportunity to starve the peasants. Gove's ambition for all school lessons to be taught in Latin is revolutionary and leaves poor old George's ambition, to return us to the Middle Ages, looking rather pedestrian. We need more backward-looking people like Gove in the party and more people with completely unworkable ideas. Either that or we should all migrate to UKIP."

It's Official, Cameron Is A Moron.

The "Telegraph" has finally admited today what the rest of us have known for some time - Cameron really is as stupid as he looks. The first clue came when he appointed his cabinet - made up entirely of people so stupid he thought they might make him look clever. The problems began early when it emerged that George Osborne can't count, Theresa May thinks the police are no longer needed and Michael Gove believes that all school lessons should be in Latin. Andrew Lansley was a bit of a gamble since his lack of brain power was augmented by his sheer sliminess, but he quickly imploded. IDS too was so evil his essential idiocy was masked for a while, but his habit of assaulting people in wheel chairs soon exposed his basic lack of brain cells. As for Cameron himself, his latest attack on his own party has left many homophobic Tory backbenchers spinning in their early graves. Promoting gay marriage, of no interest to 97.5% of the population, has led to great muttering amongst the proudly bigoted in the party and a mass exodus to UKIP amongst the "huntin, shootin and fishin blue-rinse set." So bad is the leaking of blue blood some have doubted that the Tory party can survive even as the undead, though their habit of sucking the life-blood out of the country is set to increase rather than diminish. Nigel Farage in the meantime has welcomed his defacto leadership of the Tory party with his usual modesty and has blamed Johnnie Foreigner for undermining the British penchant for living in the 19th century.

Monday, 4 February 2013

Tories Welcome Discovery Of Richard III

The Tory party has welcomed the news from Leicester that the long-lost body of Richard III has been found. A Tory spokesman told our reporter; "We feel that the discovery that Richard III was indeed a useless cripple vindicates our present persecution of the disabled. Richard III was an early example of how the evil in our society are always marked by deformity and don't deserve public money to fund their evil ways. Of course because he was a cripple Richard doesn't deserve a burial in Westminster Abbey since this would generate adverse publicity against our fully justified pogrom against the disabled. Its a shame that howling mobs are no longer allowed to kill cripples and defile their bodies after death and we are contemplating bringing in legislation to return the ancient right for anyone to accuse cripples and the deformed of witchcraft."

The Great Pension Rip-Off.

In order to receive a state pension on which you can survive, the government tells us, you will need to work longer and pay more. The reason, they say, is because there are just too many old people in the country and they are living longer. It's all the fault of that pesky "baby boom" generation that came along after World War II. Of course 50 years ago we were told that was why we needed immigration into the country and it has continued at an ever-accelerating pace ever since. Yet, despite this, we seem to be in exactly the same position that we were before. The truth is that the wealthy simply don't want to pay taxes just to benefit the peasants. Having manufactured this "crisis" in state pensions they now tell us that we need private pensions that will augment and, eventually they hope, replace state provision completely. These pensions will be created, sold and managed by the banks - those paragons of probity and trustworthiness that we've all come to love so much. The money that we pay in will give them the wherewithal to continue to do what they love best - gambling with someone else's money and extracting lucrative "management fees" for doing as little as possible. In return for controlling your money for an entire lifetime they will then sell you an annuity with a pitiful rate of return that, they hope, will mean you will never live long enough to get your money back. Up until recently you at least had the choice to keep control of your own money if you chose and to make whatever investments you thought fit. The banks would always insist that "best advice" was to save into a pension, but that advice was never true. Now the government, having consulted closely with the banks, has taken that choice out of your hands. Now you have to give the banks your money whether you want to or not and then accept whatever terrible rate of return their annuities yield. This is nothing more than a pact between the greedy who don't want to pay taxes and the even greedier who want to perpetuate a failed financial system that works only to their benefit.

Sunday, 3 February 2013

Mystery Fall In Unemployment Without Jobs Explained.

The mystery as to how the government has brought down unemployment while, at the same time, wrecking the economy has been made clear today by the BBC in a rare departure from their normal support of the Tories. It would seem that welfare to work corporate sharks have been taking the line of least resistence and encouraging the unemployed to pretend they are self-employment so they can claim working tax credits instead of benefits. Essentially they have been perpetrating a confidence trick at public expense and pocketing huge amounts of money in the process. This is hardly surprising since they are a bunch of crooks and have been encouraged to plunder the public purse by another bunch of crooks who like to call themselves "the government." The Tories have managed to privatise unemployment and turn it into cash cow for the corporations they themselves have invested in just as they have with the NHS. Nearly all of the so-called "reforms" that the Tory party has introduced so far are little more than a licence for them to print money for themselves and, as such, are corruption on a literally industrial scale. They may have an Eton and Oxbridge education but this latest inacrnation of the Tory party are spivs pure and simple, the lowest form of pond life - confidence tricksters.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Tories Sharpen The Knives.

David Cameron has done his level best to please the Eurosceptic nutters in his party by offering an "in-out" referendum on British membership of the EU - well sort of. The Eurosceptics immediately showed their appreciation by stepping up their campaign to oust Cameron and replace him with an even bigger idiot. The choice, unfortunately, is narrowing. Only two senior Tories seem to have any chance of becoming the next Tory Prime Minister - Theresa May or Michael Gove. The only other big hitters in the party, the unelectable baldies David Hague and Ian Duncan Smith, have already had their go and fluffed it while George Osborne is too big a moron even for the Tories to contemplate. So, they are left with Theresa May who has managed to turn even the police against them or Michael Gove who is not taken seriously by anyone outside of Lalaland. So why are they so intent of getting rid of Cameron - surely their only real hope of winning the next election? In a word, the LibDems. They simply cannot forgive Cameron for failing to give them the majority they need to indulge all their nasty little fantasies and then taking them into coalition with the hated LibDems who they blame for putting a brake on them. Of course the truth is that it was the electorate who put the brake on them, but they don't care too much for democracy in any case. Their real choice for leader, given the chance, would be Nigel Farage but he's unavailable. So its a matter of burning Cameron at the stake and then hoping for the worst.