The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 30 August 2013

Coalition Stunned That Democracy Has Survived In Britain After All.

Abraham Lincoln once described one of his generals as "confused and stunned, like a duck hit on the head". His description certainly fits the Coalition government today after they discovered that, despite all their efforts, lies and spin, democracy has managed to survive in Britain after all. Michael Gove was almost incoherent with rage in the House last night as 50 of his fellow coalition MP's refused point blank to do as they were told. Cameron was reduced to blustering that Ed Miliband was siding with Assad and the Russians. Paddy Ashdown was eager to tell anyone who would listen that he was "ashamed" of his country. The BBC was in propaganda overdrive showing film from Syria of a graphic nature that they have never shown before. Despite all of this hype and hot air, however, 89% of the British public still do not support any military action against Syria. They have had enough of watching billions of their tax pounds being poured into military adventures simply to make the Prime Minister of the day feel more important and more presidential. Cameron has sold his "we're skint" line too well. If we can't afford money for the disabled and the vulnerable how come we can afford to bomb Syria? Cameron is now irretrievably damaged - a self-inflicted wound that is a direct result of being out of touch with his own party, Parliament and the British people. He has shown himself to be not only unfeeling and arrogant but stupid as well.

Cameron Reaps The Whirlwind.

David Cameron has been revealed tonight as the most dim witted bungler who ever took up residence in number 10 Downing Street. Having become used to government by decree when it comes to punishing his fellow countrymen for having the sheer cheek to exist, he has been caught with his trousers round his ankles over Syria in an act of sheer hubris. The reason for this is that Cameron has either forgotten or never knew the basic ABC of how politics works in this country. When taking the country to war the nation has to be more or less united. When taking the country to war the Prime Minister must have the confidence and support of Parliament. After three years of dividing the country between the haves and the have not's, after three years of vilifying his fellow countrymen for being idle scroungers, after three years of dividing British society for short-term political gain, he tried to unify the country behind him in the most cack-handed way possible. He tried to bounce Parliament with a breezy presidential move that he's become far too used to and suddenly discovered that it is Parliament and not the Prime Minister that is sovereign. Even 50 members of the Coalition voted against him. Cameron, in other words, got what he richly deserved at last. Yesterday the News In Shorts asked whether this was Cameron's Churchill or Tony Blair moment. It wasn't either, it was his Anthony Eden moment. He is now a spent force, without a shred of credibility and without the confidence of Parliament. He should resign immediately.

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Is This Cameron's Churchill Or Tony Blair Moment?

The excitement that Cameron seems to feel about intervening in Syria is palpable. Like many political leaders before him he's beginning to believe that he has some higher purpose beyond torturing his own countrymen. Libya was a "success" so why not Syria? Perhaps God has not only put him into a position where he can do something historically noteworthy but also put the necessary instrument into his hot and sweaty little hand. Churchill is reported to have felt this way with, perhaps, some justification. Tony Blair also felt this way and was willing to tell himself and others any lie to indulge his fantasy. The unfolding situation in the Middle East should, however, be ringing alarm bells in Cameron's head. As Lyndon Baines Johnson said about Viet-Nam; "It's a boot full of warm piss with the instructions written on the heel." There is no "answer" to the Middle East in the same way that there is no "answer" to finding yourself up to your neck in a swamp. It is deeply upsetting to see other people killing each other for no good reason but, as far as the Middle East is concerned, it is their regional hobby. The whole unholy mess is complicated by the presence of Israel there (and who's bright idea was that?), by the oil reserves it contains (perhaps God's greatest practical joke) and by the presence of the world's most insane and closely related religions. And then there is Russia, thoroughly pissed off with the West and spoiling to improve its macho image. All in all a recipe for a slowly unfolding disaster. Maybe Cameron shouldn't be thinking in terms of a Churchill or Tony Blair moment and go back to doing what he does best - going on holiday.

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Tories To Use Welfare Savings To Bomb Syria.

The Tories are falling over each other tonight in a mad scramble to recall parliament. Is it because they are aghast at the number of people being forced onto the streets because of their bedroom tax? Is it because the number of people now dependent on charity food banks is getting embarrassing? Is it because of the unexplained rise in the death rate which seems largely confined to the aged poor? Is it to discuss the torture that disabled people are being subject to by ATOS? Is it because wages in Britain are amongst the lowest in Europe? Is it because there is now more economic and social inequality in Britain than there is in Nigeria? No. It is to discuss whether the boys should use their toys to give another Arab nation a jolly good thrashing. Which is not to say that Bashar Hafez al-Assad is not a thoroughly bad egg. He was, after all, educated at Eton where thoroughly bad eggs are ten-a-penny. It is quite likely that he has indeed used chemical weapons against his own people and thoroughly deserves whatever thrashing he's got coming. The question is, why us? If any thrashing should be meted out shouldn't it be done by those nations that can actually afford it? Perhaps Switzerland or Luxembourg could do the job since they're so rich they don't need to pay tax. Perhaps the banking industry could stump up the money - we certainly stumped up enough for them when they needed it. One thing is certain - Britain cannot afford yet another costly military adventure in the Middle East. Certainly not with the social and economic catastrophe the Tories are continually telling us we're facing. And certainly not when the victors in Syria - whoever they might be - will simply turn on us when they've stopped killing each other.

Saturday, 24 August 2013

Tories Shovel Taxpayer's Money Into Private Hands.

David Cameron's waistline seems to be expanding at a rate matched only by the bulging wallets of the fat cat private sector. The Tories latest scam, the bedroom tax, has increased the amount of tax payers money flowing into the bank accounts of private landlords from £7.9 to £9.4 billion. While wages are squeezed rents are continuing to climb as the demand for smaller properties is deliberately and artificially inflated by a Tory party with its eyes firmly fixed on "donations" from grateful crooks, spivs and conmen across the country. Where industries are already privatised the Tories are busier than ever laundering public money through their wealthy mate's businesses and into their party coffers. Where nationalised industries still exist the Tories are casting greedy and envious eyes on the potential money stream and scheming to either privatise them outright or introduce "market forces" that privatise them in all but name. From being the country's most successful bunch of scroungers, the toffs in charge of our lives are now actively defrauding the taxpayer in a criminal spree that is unparalleled since the Norman Conquest. They are fond of the phrase "entitlement culture" but are not shy in promoting their own corrupt version of it in which the already rich grab as much as they can because they believe they "deserve" it. This is staggering hubris as their greed continues to warp and destroy the wider economy, with demand from the majority stagnating even as the ill-gotten gains of a minority flow into offshore bank accounts. It is the economics of the insane and there are few more certifiable than a Tory with his greedy nose in the public trough.

Friday, 23 August 2013

Tories Unveil Their Great Export Drive.

The Tories have proudly unveiled their plans to stimulate British exports by announcing that they intend to send the sick abroad to India for treatment. This will "save" money, they assert, without explaining exactly how British money flowing to India will do this. No do they explain what will happen to all of the "excess" medical staff in Britain. Presumably they will be offered retraining as domestic servants for the new fat cat elite that will be pocketing the "savings". Whatever their intentions one thing is for sure, the tax money intended for the NHS will find its way into the bulging wallets of the Tory's mates and British patients will quietly expire well away from the gaze of the British press. Remember Camerons's words "The NHS is safe in our hands"? Well it isn't and the Tories are busily dismantling and selling off piecemeal something that we have paid for and something that certainly doesn't belong to them or to the greedy money-grubbing crooks that finance them. While Cameron is sunning his flabby body whenever he gets the chance at our expense, he is also planning the greatest crime this country has witnessed since the last time the Tories stole something that didn't belong to them. This is an act of sheer premeditated malfeasance and if the British people stand by and allow this to happen they will rightly forfeit any reputation for the rule of law. It is a crime and, as such, the Tories should be prosecuted for fraud.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Tory Voters Get A Dose Of Their Own Medicine.

Stoke Poges is a Buckinghamshire village with a population of 4839, 93.3% of whom are white, and it is the very epitome of the phrase "Middle England." Over 20% of the population work in the real estate industry and the average price of a three bedroomed semi is over £369,000. Unsurprisingly it has been a Tory stronghold since the year dot. What voting Tory actually means, however, has been quite forcibly brought home to these people over the last few months. They have suddenly discovered that plans are afoot to build a very large secondary school in a village with more pensioners than children and that right in the midst of their sacred "Green Belt." Worse yet the school was to be one of Michael Gove's "Free" religious schools - for Sikhs. The attack of apoplexy could be heard as far north as Carlisle as the residents of Stoke Poges contemplated the invasion of a turban-wearing ethnic minority and envisaged the cliff over which the value of their houses was about to plunge. Their apoplexy turned to dismay when they subsequently discovered that the planning laws that they thought protected them from such outrages had been repealed by the very party that they had voted for. Nor could they find any support from their local Tory MP, Dominic Grieve. In fact they couldn't find him with radar. "I thought I lived in a democracy," one shocked resident told the BBC after finding out that he didn't. With their choices limited the residents of the village turned to protest which, as the rest of the country has already found out, was quietly ignored by the powers that be. What the local residents are about to find out to their cost is that there are even fatter cats than themselves in Britain and those fatter fat cats neither live in Stoke Poges nor give a damn about it. The market rules according to the Tory party and Stoke Poges is up for sale to the highest bidder. I wonder which way Stoke Poges will vote in 2015?

Monday, 19 August 2013

Cameron Pretends To Do Something About Lobbying.

As Britain continues its headlong descent to third world status David Cameron's promise to do something about the corruption of lobbying has inevitably come to nothing. Described as a "dog's breakfast" Cameron's legislation is nothing more than a fig leaf to hide the criminal connection between government and fat cat vested interests. The reason is quite simple. The Tories are a corrupt bunch of crooks and fear that they will be cut off from the sources of income they need to maintain their wealthy lifestyles. Pocketing bribes is what the Tories do for a living and the so-called legislation to curb this was never going to be effective if they can help it. Selling the British people down the river is not simply what the Tories do for money however, it is also how the they maintain their sense of superiority. They do it as a matter of course because they know they can and it demonstrates that they are separate and distinct from the rest of us who have to obey the law because we are essentially powerless. They, on the other hand, feel above such considerations and feel that taking bribes with impunity, harming the weak and vulnerable and stealing ordinary people's dreams for the future shows the rest of us how important they are. This legislation demonstrates their utter disdain for us and the extent of the corruption which they feel is their God-given right.

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Fatcats Rub Their Hands Together As Cost Of HS2 Doubles To £80 Billion.

Greedy fat cats up and down the country are rubbing their hands together in glee tonight at the news that HS2 will probably cost at least £80 billion to build. "This is wonderful news," one of them purred to the News In Shorts. "Not only will we pocket the £80 billion this white elephant will cost to build we'll also get any operating profits it might generate. And, if it doesn't make any profits, it doesn't matter because we'll pocket government subsides courtesy of the taxpayer. Better yet the scum who have to pay taxes in this country won't be able to afford to use it and we'll have it all to ourselves. We ride, we get the profits, the working class scum get the bill. This is British industry, entrepreneurship and ingenuity at its best. Heads we win, tails you lose. Marvellous!" We asked the Minister for Transport for his reaction; "It does seem a bit expensive but, since I don't pay tax, frankly I don't give a damn. The most important thing is that the better sort of people like myself will be able to travel without the inconvenience of meeting the working class scum who pay my expenses. Just remember that under the Tories things just keep getting fairer and fairer."

Cameron Holidays At Our Expense Again.

While millions find that they can no longer afford a roof over their heads because of the bedroom tax and millions more are queuing up outside the food banks, while George Osborne stokes into the life the subprime property bubble for all he's worth, while the Tory party are busy accepting backhanders from crooked businessmen so they can continue stealing from their "customers" and disabled people are given the stark choice between finding a non-existent job or begging in the streets, David Cameron is on his third holiday this year and still looking forward to his fourth. So far this year Cameron has holidayed in Ibiza and Portugal and is presently putting his feet up on the Scottish island of Jura before doing the same in Cornwall later next week. Known as “Departure Lounge Dave” by Whitehall officials, Cameron has a suitcase permanently packed at all times in case he needs to take yet another emergency break from his busy schedule of making ordinary people pay for the recession, protecting his own wealth and destroying the lives of people he hates - which seems to be anyone not earning at least £150,000 a year. While the rest of us consider very carefully whether we can afford a holiday this year at all, David "I deserve this because I'm better than you" Cameron is off to the sun as often as he can at taxpayers expense. Perhaps he's seen what is happening in Egypt and is hoping that he'll be out of the country when the angry mobs turn up at No.10. Perhaps, or is that he's just another holier-than-thou Tory scrounger making hay while the sun shines. Then again what other sort of Tory is there?

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Tories Flaunt Their Greed.

If you've ever wondered what Tory greed and Tory corruption looks like then all you have to do is look at this photograph of Sir Jim Paice. This piece of work has been a Tory MP since 1987 but plans to give up his seat in 2015 - just before his vile party is consigned to the dustbin of history - in order to pay more attention to his £125,000 one day a week job as the chairman of First Milk. Cashing in on his insider knowledge after being a minister in the Department of Agriculture and Food, this crook will continue to pretend to represent his constituency while pocketing a huge amount of money for doing as little as possible. This is how the crooks that pose as Tory MP's cash in on their insider knowledge once they've been rumbled and decide that the jig is up. Telling his constituents that he can "squeeze in quite reasonably" this part-time job in between his normal work as an MP, this is the unacceptable face of Tory corruption. Such people become Tory MP's not because they have an overwhelming desire to serve their country but because they have an overwhelming desire to grab as much cash as they can get their sticky fingers on before voters realise that they have elected a crooked scumbag. The Tories have turned this country into a playground for the greedy and the corrupt, a place where scum will always rise to the top and where the electorate are nothing more than "marks" for conmen like this one.

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Tories Coin It As Corruption Flourishes.

The most corrupt government this country has suffered since the early 19th century is accruing money at a rate that beggars belief. Offshore Group Newcastle alone has given the Tories a nice little earner of £140,000 for awarding them a subsidy of £4.5 million of taxpayers money in yet another example of the Tories scheme to launder public money through the private sector and pocket as much as they can get their sticky fingers on. Meanwhile the Tory council in Worcestershire has come up with a scheme to make children pay for being taken into care. Like car parks and speeding cameras the children of Worcestershire are now little more than an opportunity to steal money from the innocent in order to provide for the needs of the greedy, selfish and venal. But this epidemic of monstrous corruption is providing David Cameron with a first class headache as Tory MP's queue up to abandon Parliament in 2015 so they take up various lucrative directorships and trade on their insider knowledge and political "connections". In effect the old boy network at Westminster is cashing in and making room for the new boy network from Eton, Oxford and Cambridge so that they can serve their apprenticeship in legalised crime and organised corruption. As the country sinks into a mire of corrupt government not seen since the era of the rotten boroughs, the electorate in England are now beginning to believe that the Tory party are the most trustworthy in terms of the economy. The propaganda of the last three years seems to be paying off for the Tories as the voting public, too dumb to walk and chew gum at the same time, are falling for the usual simplistic parables about maxed-out credit cards, household budgets and having to "pay our way" even as the Tories themselves encourage more subprime debt courtesy of a newly inflated property bubble. But that's the trouble with what we call democracy in this country - it tends to encourage the "thick as a brick" voter to commit social and economic suicide to provide for the comfort of the privileged few.

Sunday, 11 August 2013

For The Tories The War Is Over.

For Cameron and his Tory henchmen the war is over and, as far as they're concerned, they've won it. The economy might be in the doldrums and quite likely to stay there but they have achieved their main aims - saving the finance system so that it can continue its crime spree, inflating house prices once again so their property portfolios retain their value and kicking the poor and disadvantaged so they can feel better about themselves. The cost, however, is appalling. While Iain Duncan Smith hands out £44 million in bonuses to his DWP storm troopers, London is rapidly being class cleaned as ordinary people are priced out of the capital because of his vicious bedroom tax. In Plymouth alone there are over 700 families desperately trying to find smaller places to live before his tax forces them onto the streets. Meanwhile wages in Britain are now so low that only Greece, Portugal and the Netherlands are worse off. The Tories have essentially killed off all demand in the economy except for the demand of rich people for ever more expensive ways to parade their superiority. Rolls Royce, Land Rover and Jaguar are the only expanding industries in the country while those businesses geared to the demands of ordinary people are falling into bankruptcy at an alarming rate. The Tories have reacted to this in typical style, ignoring the distress in constituencies where they have no majority and featherbedding their own voters. In Welwyn, where the sitting MP is the Tory Chairman Grant Shapps, three bedroomed houses are being reclassified as two bedroomed to avoid the tax and to make sure that Mr.Shapps retains his ability to pad his expense account and continue taking bribes. With so much political corruption so openly displayed is it any wonder that Brits who still bother to vote are becoming an endangered species and Britain is edging ever closer to a breakdown of civil society?

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Tories Solve The Problem Of The Soaring Death Rate.

The Tory party, shocked that their policies of pauperising the entire country, throwing poor families onto the streets, abandoning the disabled and privatising the NHS have increased the death rate by 23,000 in three years, have changed their priorities. Instead of providing ammunition for the opposition to their vile regime they have decided to stop counting how many people die every year. "No one likes bad news," a Tory spokesman told our reporter. "Especially the Tory party and, because of that, we've decided to sweep the facts under the carpet. As Iain Duncan Smith informed the country only a few weeks ago, our beliefs are far more important than inconsequential and inconvenient truths. Poor people dying is nothing new and our murderous policies are merely accelerating a desired trend. Britain cannot afford poor people and they have to die for the good of the country - especially for those parts of the country that vote Tory. The good news is that we no longer have to pay the pensions for these 23,000 useless people and my tax bill has been reduced quite nicely thank you. It is important that the electorate recognise that these deaths are fair since very few of the people dying before their time are actually rich. If they were rich people that would be unfair and we'd have to do something about it. We are now working on the solidly Tory view that what the people don't know won't worry them. This might well kill them but at least they'll die completely uninformed as all poor, ill-educated and Labour-voting scum should."

Friday, 9 August 2013

Bank Gets A Taste Of Its Own Medicine.

Just when you think that banks can't get any more careless one of them proves you wrong. In Russia a man called Dmitry Argarkov has baffled the executives of Tinkoff Credit Systems by playing them at their own game. After receiving an unsolicited invitation to take one of their credit cards Mr.Argarkov took the contract, fed it into his computer, changed a few things in his favour, signed and then sent it back. Despite their warning to read the small print the hapless bank failed to notice his tinkering and granted him an unlimited balance at 0% interest and with no charges. After two years the bank tried to terminate his agreement and claim 45,000 roubles from Mr.Argarkov. This included the remaining balance on the card and late payment charges and fees not included in their customer's altered contract. Taken to court when he told them to shove it, a Russian Judge pointed out that not reading a contract was no defence and found against the bank. Laughing his socks off Mr.Argarkov promptly sued the bank for 24 million roubles for failing to keep to their side of the contract. So far the bank has responded only by reminding everyone through their Twitter account that "Stealing is a sin." Yes it is, but Tinkoff are a bank and therefore don't know what the word "sin" actually means - though they are beginning to get their heads around the word "stupid".

Jornalists Camp Out At Edinburgh Zoo.

Having spent half the summer camped outside the Lindo Wing waiting for the birth of the Royal baby and expelling copious amounts of hot air about nothing in particular, many Royal journalists are now rushing up the M6 in order to do exactly the same outside of Edinburgh Zoo. "We can hardly believe our luck," one breathless BBC reporter told the News In Shorts. "Much of what we do is money for old rope but this year has been a bonanza for us. First we had hours and hours of mindless rubbish about the Olympics, then hours and hours of mindless rubbish about an old lady being rowed down the Thames during the Jubilee, then hours and hours of mindless pap about the Royal birth and now the birth of a panda. Now, admittedly these are Chinese bears inconveniently located in some obscure Scottish town but, at the end of the day, its better than being sent to Afghanistan. We think this is a much better way to squander licence payer's money, especially with the police investigating possible fraud over the suspiciously large golden handshakes we've been giving each other recently. This should divert attention away from that nicely. We have many questions to ask the zoo keepers such as "What will you call the baby panda or pandas?" "Do you expect them to be black and white or white and black?" "Will they be taught English?" "What will the mother be wearing when she leaves the zoo?" Interesting stuff like that."

Tory Panic As The Party Chokes On Its Own Lies.

As membership of the Tory party dips below 100,000 for the first time since the 19th century, David Cameron and his gang of morons, idiots and crooks are beginning to panic. The first sign was when they retained the services of Barak Obama's campaign chief, Jim Messina. The panic was more clearly seen when 90 year old Tory Peers began to mutter about the advantages of Facebook, Twitter and "more effective communication" of their policies. It is evident that they believe that the disconnect between Westminster and the rest of the country is simply a matter of failing to get their message across. What they have missed, of course, is that the rest of the country is not disconnected from Westminster at all - we are all too aware of what these conmen, crooks and snake oil salesmen are up to. From taking bribes, awarding themselves massive pay increases, giving themselves platinum-plated pensions, providing themselves with lucrative property portfolios at taxpayer's expense and padding their expense accounts, MP's of all political persuasions have shown themselves up for what they are - self-interested, greedy, unprincipled and corrupt. When these people talk about "communication" what they are really saying is that they need more effective lies more effectively delivered to what they hope is an electorate as stupid as they are. Lies are lies and crooks are crooks, while no amount of "communication" will lance this particular boil.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Toryism Jumps The Species Barrier.

In response to the statement made in "The News in Shorts" yesterday by Professor Loon, the Liverpool Centre for Disease Control has issued a stark warning; "Professor Loon was far too optimistic in his statement about the recent spread of the new and more virulent form of the Tory pathogen. This disease had its origins in the United States before crossing the Atlantic during the mid-1970's when Ronald Reagan visited Britain. The British people at that time, having been exposed to similar pathogens over the last 1,000 years, were largely immune. However, Margaret Thatcher, the "Typhoid Mary" of British politics, caught the disease and infected the entire Tory party quite quickly. By the end of the 1990's the Labour party had also caught the disease and it seemed that only the Lib Dems remained completely immune. In 2008, however, it became apparent that the Lib Dems had also succumbed and had simply been hiding their symptoms from the electorate. While in the United States the disease displayed such symptoms as hallucinating that Communists or "Reds" were lurking under every bed and that owning a gun made people safer, in Britain a more alarming effect was an entire generation of politicians being born with their heads up their arses. This proved quite conclusively that the latest bout of Toryism is the most virulent form of the disease seen so far and there is growing evidence that it has now crossed the species barrier and is infecting real human beings. This was made possible by a new mechanism never before seen in the spread of infectious diseases - finger pointing. So far the multi-national drug companies have failed to find an effective vaccine to combat the disease, mainly because there's no money in it for them, and there is a real danger that the entire country might be infected while the whole of British society could soon perish en masse."

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

In A Time Of Austerity Can Britain Afford Scrounging Tories?

It is the burning question of the day - in a time of austerity with the British economy on its knees, can it afford to be run by a bunch of freeloading scroungers who've never done a real day's work in their lives? Is the Tory party, the receptacle for the prejudices and insane ideas of a lunatic right-wing fringe, a luxury that we simply can't afford? We asked a leading academic from Oxford University, Professor Loon, for his view; "The Tory party has in the past proven to be a very useful organisation into which all the lunatic ideas of the greedy, selfish and self-serving could be safely quarantined. This is fine when they have absolutely no chance whatsoever of forming a government, but they represent a real danger during times of economic stress when the electorate often become irrational and vote for them. Fortunately, after the last bout of Toryism under Thatcher and Major, the British people were partially cured and refused to give them an outright majority in the last general election. Unfortunately the Lib Dems were on hand to allow them into government and then gave them a free hand to inflict their lunatic ideas on the rest of the country. They immediately turned on the poorest and most vulnerable in our society in order to protect their own wealth and to help out their criminal mates in the banking sector. Having spent the last 30 years scrounging off the people who do the real work in Britain they were now given a chance to consolidate their position while flogging off national assets at knock-down prices to their pals and pocketing millions in bribes. Essentially they have moved on from "Greed is good" to "Corruption is good". Not that they needed much encouragement. Still we can look forward, in 2015, to at least a partial recovery from this latest bout of Toryism and some experts believe that, after this virulent form of the disease has run its course, then it might be eradicated once and for all from the British body politic".

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Osborne Stokes The Fire That Has Already Burned Us.

There is little doubt that you would have to travel a long way to find a bigger economic ignoramus that Gideon (call me George) Osborne. His economic record, despite the over-heated hype of his spin doctors, is truly woeful. Not only has he managed to slow down to a crawl the economic recovery put in train by the last Labour government, he has slashed living standards of ordinary people in this country, missed every one of his growth and spending targets and managed to get property inflation going once again. In a country that needs 220,000 new houses every year he has failed to meet even half of this target, restricting supply when demand has never been higher. While the smug and self-satisfied rich own 2.3 million second homes, millions in this country are forced to pay excessive rents for the one third of ex-council houses that have found their way into the hands of unscrupulous and greedy buy-to-rent landlords. The Coalitions answer to this disastrous situation is to impose a bedroom tax on the poor to force them further into poverty or, worse, onto the streets so their former homes can be rented to those willing and able to pay more for them. Osborne, meanwhile, has reinvented subprime lending on the basis that it has been such an unqualified success in the past. His "Help To Buy" housing policy has encouraged the creation of a new mortgage lender, Magellan Homeloans, who are set to lend up to £400,000 to borrowers described by the new company as having 'experienced one-off event resulting in adverse credit record'. In other words, subprime borrowers. This brilliant idea is the brainchild of Matt Gilmour whose previous triumphs in this area have included Unity Homeloans which went bankrupt in 2008 in the wake of the banking crisis that was itself the result of reckless subprime lending. The truth is that the only way that Osborne and his Tory pals can protect the value of their property portfolios is to artificially keep prices high by restricting supply while this, in turn, can only be supported by granting mortgages on over-priced properties to those who can't really afford them. Way to go Ozzie! Is there any village out there missing an idiot?

Monday, 5 August 2013

Britain's Pork Barrell Politics.

After Danny Alexander's attempt to feather bed Lib Dem voters in Devon, it now emerges that he has already introduced American-style pork barrel politics into his own constituency in Scotland. While happy to force austerity on the rest of the country at the behest of his Tory pals, his own constituency has been the grateful recipient of some very lucrative goodies including public money for a tourist railway, a bailout for the London-Scotland sleeper train, tax breaks for ski lifts and a generous allocation from the pot to fund exemptions from the so-called “bedroom tax". The reason is easily understood since, without bribery, Danny Alexander is most unlikely to retain his seat at the next general election. This is simply yet another example of how low the Lib Dem party has sunk in the last three years, from wide-eyed idealists to corrupt money-grubbers in the blink of an eye. It is also yet another example of how the corruption rife in the Tory party has spread into the whole of the British body politic, poisoning debate and embedding the ideology of self-serving greed. It is little wonder, then, that participation in the political process in this country continues to shrink with general elections routinely being decided by less than 50% of the electorate. What is the point when the march of corruption seems so irresistible and our political parties are so eager to be corrupted? With the gap between the rich and poor accelerating to the point where it worse now in Britain than it is in Nigeria, undoubtedly the next general election will simply be just another stage on our descent from democracy to banana republic.

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Britain's Coalition Of Evil.

The Tory track record on the economy has always been dire. From the 1920's when their ideological commitment to keeping the pound chained to the Gold Standard wrecked British exports, through the 1930's when they refused to do anything remotely useful to ease the Depression, to the 1970's and 80's when their hatred of the Unions led them to utterly destroy British industry, they have always put their insane prejudices ahead of reality. They have been able to do this because they are experts at lying to the electorate and have no conscience whatsoever about inflicting untold damage on ordinary people in order to feather their own nests. Britain is now in the midst of an unprecedented assault on those things that once made this country a truly civilized nation including a hate campaign against the disabled and disadvantaged in order to destroy the welfare state, the destruction of worker's rights (they are now less effective than they were during the Victorian period) and the dismantling of the NHS in preparation for its privatisation. They have been aided in this by the LibDems whose ideological about-face has been the most extraordinary in British political history and has left those who voted for them feeling horrified and utterly betrayed. Both of these parties have based these completely uncalled-for policies on the economic myth that it was Labour fiscal irresponsibility before 2008 that makes their insane agenda unavoidable. In this self-serving legend the banks and their greedy criminality have no role and it is the Labour party's tax and borrowing when in government that takes centre stage. Yet, as the Guardian points out today, borrowing in 2007 was at its lowest since 1997 when Labour first came to power and was a great deal lower than it was under the Tories. There is no fiscal crisis as the Tories describe and, what's more, there never was. The Coalition's economic policies are based purely on ideology and have absolutely nothing to do with reality. Deflationary policies during a recession are pure idiocy but are pursued by this government simply because it provides the necessary alibi to turn back the clock and return wealth and power to where they believe it belongs - to themselves.

Saturday, 3 August 2013

LibDems Propose Fuel Subsidy For "Remote" Devon.

Danny Alexander, famous for his role as Beaker in "The Muppets", has today announced that his party intends to give those living in "remote" areas a fuel subsidy. This includes the largely LibDem voting county of Devon which, as everyone knows, lies in the far south of the country, just north of the Antartic Circle. "Devon is incredibly remote from the rest of the country," Alexander told us. "There are some people there who live nearly a mile from the nearest Chinese takeaway. There have been cases where people have set out to take their children to school and not arrived until six weeks later. It's so remote most British people don't live there and house prices are so low that even Londoner's can afford to buy them. It's shocking just how isolated the people who live there actually are. Many of them still think that Queen Victoria is on the throne and William Gladstone is Prime Minister while the biological diversity of the population is amongst the lowest in the country. In fact in-breeding is one of the biggest challenges facing the county while intelligence levels are so low that they still think that farming is a new, innovative and exciting advance in human endeavour. A fuel subsidy will go a long way to widening the outlook of these poor people and allow them to visit exotic locations such as Tunbridge Wells and even Brighton."