The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Fatcats Rub Their Hands Together As Cost Of HS2 Doubles To £80 Billion.

Greedy fat cats up and down the country are rubbing their hands together in glee tonight at the news that HS2 will probably cost at least £80 billion to build. "This is wonderful news," one of them purred to the News In Shorts. "Not only will we pocket the £80 billion this white elephant will cost to build we'll also get any operating profits it might generate. And, if it doesn't make any profits, it doesn't matter because we'll pocket government subsides courtesy of the taxpayer. Better yet the scum who have to pay taxes in this country won't be able to afford to use it and we'll have it all to ourselves. We ride, we get the profits, the working class scum get the bill. This is British industry, entrepreneurship and ingenuity at its best. Heads we win, tails you lose. Marvellous!" We asked the Minister for Transport for his reaction; "It does seem a bit expensive but, since I don't pay tax, frankly I don't give a damn. The most important thing is that the better sort of people like myself will be able to travel without the inconvenience of meeting the working class scum who pay my expenses. Just remember that under the Tories things just keep getting fairer and fairer."

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