The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 3 August 2013

LibDems Propose Fuel Subsidy For "Remote" Devon.

Danny Alexander, famous for his role as Beaker in "The Muppets", has today announced that his party intends to give those living in "remote" areas a fuel subsidy. This includes the largely LibDem voting county of Devon which, as everyone knows, lies in the far south of the country, just north of the Antartic Circle. "Devon is incredibly remote from the rest of the country," Alexander told us. "There are some people there who live nearly a mile from the nearest Chinese takeaway. There have been cases where people have set out to take their children to school and not arrived until six weeks later. It's so remote most British people don't live there and house prices are so low that even Londoner's can afford to buy them. It's shocking just how isolated the people who live there actually are. Many of them still think that Queen Victoria is on the throne and William Gladstone is Prime Minister while the biological diversity of the population is amongst the lowest in the country. In fact in-breeding is one of the biggest challenges facing the county while intelligence levels are so low that they still think that farming is a new, innovative and exciting advance in human endeavour. A fuel subsidy will go a long way to widening the outlook of these poor people and allow them to visit exotic locations such as Tunbridge Wells and even Brighton."

No comments:

Post a Comment