The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 30 June 2014

How The Tories Tackle The Housing Crisis.

The Tories have recently been addressing the problem of the housing crisis, cruising the TV studios telling us all about their concerns and presenting statistics that seem to indicate that they are doing something about it. Having ignored the problem for four years they were galvanised into action after very public warnings from the EU and the Bank of England that the recent re-inflation of the property market is a grave danger to the British economy. The problem for George Osborne is that the property boom constitutes the major element in his otherwise non-existent economic recovery. Building houses threatens this recovery for the rich only that Osborne has engineered and the growing inequality between rich and poor that he champions. Not to worry though because, behind the scenes, he, the Tory Party and their wealthy backers, are still cashing in for all they are worth in the property market. Mike Weatherly, Tory MP for Hove, has been busy promoting anti-squatting laws on behalf of wealthy property tycoons who are responsible for a staggering 710,000 empty houses in Britain and who have paid him thousands of pounds in personal "donations". Meanwhile Richard Benyon, pictured above, Tory MP for Newbury, has been investing in social housing estates in London and then raising rents in an effort to get rid of the working-class families that presently live there and replace them with wealthier tenants. The eventual goal, a spokesman for the consortium that has bought the New Era Estate in Hoxton said, is to "raise rents to the going market value." In case you're wondering the "going market value" in East London is it is £2,000 per month. Few, if any, of the present tenants could possibly afford such a rent hike and it seems unavoidable that they will soon be evicted and replaced by tenants more the Mr.Benyon's taste. This then is the Tory housing policy. Hundreds of thousands of empty houses put to one side as an "investment", unaffordable rents for ordinary working people, increasing homelessness and a rich rentier class sucking the lifeblood out of our economy.

Sunday, 29 June 2014

Where Are All The Working Class Tories?

After his outstanding triumphs with regard to Andy Coulson and Jean-Claude Juncker, David Cameron has decided that he now has to reach out to the peasantry. What is needed, he reasoned, is to show that the Tories are not just a bunch of toffs but are also firmly grounded in the working class. What is needed is for working class Tory MP's to step forward and show the peasants that they too can be Tories if they're not careful. Just for good measure the initiative was to be launched by the ex-gnome manufacturer John Major, son of a working class circus performer. It was a good plan - simple, effective and graphic. Unfortunately, after an exhaustive search in the House of Commons, the Tories could only produce 14 out of 305 MP's who can be described even loosely as "working class". "I can't understand it given our huge following in the North of England where we keep our working class," a Tory spokesman told our reporter. "The electorate just don't seem to understand that many of our MP's did not come from independently wealthy backgrounds, even if they are now all as rich as Croesus. Many of them are engaged in trade and, though I for one wouldn't allow them into my home through the front door - that's what the tradesman entrance is for - I am proud that they are members of the Tory party. I think what we need is a recruitment drive amongst the peasantry. Inducements could be offered such as giving them a nice pair of used army boots to replace their worn out clogs or permission to attack useless cripples, the unemployed and foreigners in the street. We need to reach out to the hard-working people of this country and persuade them that working even harder for a whole lot less is their patriotic duty. Then we can get out of the EU, cut my tax bill and go on to win the World Cup in 2018."

Saturday, 28 June 2014

Cameron Isolates Europe.

David Cameron is celebrating his victory over Europe tonight as his party congratulate themselves on isolating the rest of the continent with the exception of Hungary. "We have made a principled stand against European federalism," a Tory spokesman told our reporter. "If it wasn't for those bloody Hungarians our victory over Johnnie Foreigner would have been complete. Trust some dago southern European country to steal our thunder and spoil our Dunkirk moment." As was clear from the beginning, Jean-Claude Juncker will now become President of the European Commission while Cameron's refusal to recognise this and negotiate a deal means that he has managed to get absolutely nothing in return for Britain. While Cameron has been reduced to making dark threats about the "waifer-thin support for the EU in Britain" the EU has totally ignored his amateurish attempts to sway the vote and is quite happy to watch him flounce off yet again muttering about dignity, principle and the nobility of defeat. The truth is that Cameron is a hopeless negotiator while his claim that he can "reform" the EU in order to fend off a referendum looks less and less likely. His only hope now is that he will lose the next general election and then be able to accuse a Labour government of betraying Britain's interests. His worst nightmare is that he'll win and then have to face his own back benchers baying for his blood when he comes up with yet another paper thin excuse for not giving them the referendum they want. His problem then will be trying to reconcile the loony right of his party with the fat cats who bankroll the Tories and support a federalist Europe if it forces down wages and offers fewer barriers to the free movement of their money from one offshore bank account to another. This is the fault-line in the Tory party as they struggle with their hatred of foreigners and their desire to avoid paying tax on their profits. If only they could come up with a perfect blend of their greed and stupidity, a way of maximising profits, reducing their tax bill and keeping the riff-raff out all would be well. Shame.

Friday, 27 June 2014

If You Lie Down With Dogs......

So what have we learned about Andy Coulson, the Murdoch Empire and the British Government? Andy Coulson is guilty of a conspiracy that involved the hacking of telephones and illegally rooting around in other people's private business. The Murdoch Empire is run by a bunch of incompetents that have no idea whatsoever of what they or their staff are doing at any particular time. Successive British governments, of all political colours, have been guilty of cosying up to a bunch of criminals out of fear and cowardice. However, only David Cameron has been so wilfully blind and so utterly stupid as to invite a criminal into the actual workings of government. The reason for this is not hard to find. With the likes of Iain Duncan Smith, Liam Fox, Jeremy Hunt and Andrew Lansley in government Andy Coulson was in good company. The Cameron government is little better than a criminal syndicate dedicated to asset stripping the country and stealing the benefits that most recipients have worked hard all their lives to qualify for. While bankers still count their "bonuses" safely deposited in their offshore accounts, while George Osborne has created more tax loopholes than he's closed, while children starve in Britain and the Red Cross send food parcels, while the national debt has tripled in four years, while the property bubble has once again been reinflated and Boris Johnson orders water cannons to cow the peasants, the Tory party is still merrily diverting public money through their mates in big business and into their party funds. Without Coulson David Cameron would not have scored the limited success in the last general election that he did. Without Coulson there would be no Prime Minister Cameron and no Coalition Government. The whole rotten structure is based on rotten foundations and all it now needs is one good kick to bring the whole shameful and tottering cesspit of corruption, greed, selfishness and graft to the ground. Then, perhaps, we can start again without a government and a media sharing each other's fleas as they lie down together.

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Why Is The Media Selectively Blind?

Yesterday London was brought to a halt by a protest of 50,000 ordinary people marching against austerity. Most people in Britain could be forgiven for knowing absolutely nothing about it because it failed to be even mentioned by the media on television or in print. Andrew Marr on the BBC today was far more interest in the none-story that some Tories think that Ed Miliband will not make a good Prime Minster and would not be a popular contestant on "Big Brother" while he happily talked to the disgraced former Foreign Secretary, Liam Fox, about the Middle East. Faced by the fact that the Tory party is raping the country and happily murdering its own citizens for money, the BBC is content to report on tittle-tattle and cooperate in the rehabilitation of a corrupt Tory politician. The BBC in particular seems to be ignoring the wider questions about our so-called democracy in favour of reporting rumour and gossip from the "Westminster village". What the blue-rinse set thinks about Ed Miliband or what Liam Fox thinks about anything is not news. That 50,000 people spent a hard-earned weekend day off protesting against this vicious and treasonous government is news and, given the normally supine attitude of the British public, should be the lead story right across the media. The fact is that we live in a country that, despite all its tub thumping, has a media dominated by the Tory right wing content to ask Chuka Umunna why Ed Milliband, though obviously an honest man, is not more photogenic and to invite him to praise George Osborne's economic "miracle". The media in Britain is simply just another cog in the corrupt machinery that runs Britain, the publicity arm of a selfish and greedy elite who would sell their own grandmother to get an extra quid.

Friday, 20 June 2014

Tory Minister Widens Gap Between Real People And Themselves.

Helen Grant, the Tory Minister for Tourism, has given some advice to those whose holidays have been ruined by the understaffed passport office. She has suggested that they should forget their holidays abroad and, instead, have a "staycation" at home in Britain. The fact that she said this from Brazil where she is enjoying the World Cup courtesy of the tax payer is neither here nor there. She was eager to point out that there are lots of sporting events that can be enjoyed on TV, making the somewhat dubious assumption that most Britons only ever think about sport and have little reason to visit foreign countries since they are too stupid to really appreciate foreign cultures in the first place. David Cameron was quick to come to the defence of his moronic minister by telling us that he and his family have "often holidayed in the UK". In fact Cameron would have been equally correct if he'd simply said that he and his family "often holidayed". It wouldn't be too hard to believe that his entire government has done nothing but holiday since they seized power in 2010 if the mess made of the entire country is anything to go by. Essentially the Tories are asking the country to ignore what is going on right under their noses and carry on as if nothing is amiss. They might just as well tell us all to not tax our limited brains with anything as complicated as politics and simply grin and bear it. Nothing could illustrate better the gulf between ordinary people and the over-privileged and ignorant oafs currently infesting No.10 Downing Street.

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Why Is Tory Membership Falling?

Membership of the Tory party has slumped by nearly 9% in the past year alone, continuing a 30-year trend, while it has shrunk from 253,600 to 134,000 since David Cameron became leader. Yet the Tories are in power and are being as nasty as they've always wanted to be. They have been able to heap abuse on the sick, the unemployed and the disabled with impunity, egged on by a right-wing press that thinks it smells the blood of socialism in the water. The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer while the NHS has been pushed to the very edge of privatisation. So what is going wrong? Some might blame the coalition with the Lib Dems, seen as a betrayal of the really nasty tendency in the party. Others might blame UKIP, able to outbid the Tories in the "we despise all foreigners" stakes. Many would point to Cameron's failure to produce the long-promised referendum on Europe and his total failure to stem the "tidal wave" of immigration by Johnny Foreigner. All of these may well be true to a certain extent but it would be nice to think that former supporters of the Tories have finally woken up to the fact that they are really unpleasant people who should not be trusted within a thousand miles of No.10 Downing Street. Put simply what the Tories have been inflicting on the country over the last four years is thoroughly un-British. They have not been moderate, charitable or fair while the rank smell of their greed is beginning to permeate even the middle classes. While Ed Miliband has said that we are better than this, David Cameron has demonstrated that we are, perhaps, not prepared to be a whole lot worse.

Thursday, 12 June 2014

What Does Cameron Mean By British Values?

In the wake of the "Trojan Horse" school scare in Birmingham David Cameron has said that he wants "British Values" to be part of the curriculum. The problem, however, is what "values" Cameron wants taught. He heads a government that persecutes the unemployed, the sick and the disabled, a government that shows no concern over the housing crisis, ignores environmental concerns, favours tax cuts for the rich while the wages of ordinary people continue to shrink and takes no action while utility companies steal what little money we do have. Apparently then the "values" that Cameron favours are greed, selfishness, arrogance and a complete disregard for the plight of others. The truth is that Cameron and his fellow Tory crooks have no values and certainly not any that any of us would want taught in our schools. Meanwhile with Gove in charge of education our schools are being turned over to various corporate sharks, religious maniacs and right-wing dingbats. It also begs the question why, in Britain, we still allow superstitious mumbo-jumbo to be taught in our schools in the first place? Schools are for education not to indulge the irrational belief systems of those who want to use religious observance for their own perverted ends. One thing for sure is that no one in the government has any interest in encouraging critical or original thinking. What they want is a straightjacket designed to shackle young minds to an unthinking acceptance of the status quo - to be good, obedient Tory voters and to accept their place in the great scheme of things without question. While the Tories are busily engaged in turning our schools into machines for the dissemination of Tory propaganda what right do they have to complain when some other control freaks want to do the same?

Sunday, 8 June 2014

What Would A Tory Government Look Like After 2015?

The Tories love the 19th century and often talk about it in terms of cricket on the village green, happy well-fed yeomen taking their ease at the village pub and smock-bedecked children happily learning the "Three R's" (ritin, readin and 'rithmatic). Of course for the vast majority of our ancestors, trapped in urban slum housing and choking on the pollution, it was nothing like that but never mind. So what would Britain look like if the Tories were given free rein? First and foremost, of course, would be tax cuts for the rich - preferably to the point where they pay none whatsoever. Second a clear division between a hugely wealthy house-owning elite and a working poor paying out most of their income as rent. A state school system with a curriculum frozen around the year 1840 and a public school system frozen even further back in time. Workhouses for the undeserving poor, unemployed and disabled with glitzy 21st century hospitals for those who can afford to pay and the workhouse infirmary for all the rest. Contracts of employment will be a thing of the past with day-labour, low wages and no paid leave getting us all fit to compete in the new world economy. Pensions for ordinary people would vanish in a puff of smoke as the Tories friends, bankers, tell us why they are no longer affordable and wring their hands in anguish before counting their bonuses. The welfare state, to which most of us owe our very existence, was the reward we were allowed after saving the elite's bacon during World War II - one that had been denied us after we'd saved their bacon in World War I. Of course the Tories, as we've seen over the last week of celebration for the D-Day landings, will continue to tell us how marvellous we all were but, regretfully, we will now have to put all that behind us because of the new "realities". We've had our reward, now its time to get back to business as usual and, in any case, they no longer need us to man the trenches. Essentially, in a world that rewards the smug and self-satisfied for being smug and self-satisfied, we are surplus to requirements - an expensive drag on the forward march and further evolution of Homo Inhumanitatum.

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Tories Achieve Their Chief Aim.

The Tories are today celebrating a return to the disastrous conditions that almost destroyed the world economy in 2008 while George Osborne is reported to be "gobsmacked" that both the Bank of England and the EU have warned him that his housing policy is insane. House prices in Britain have risen by 11.1% over the last year, forming the only tangible element in Osborne's so-called recovery. Meanwhile homelessness is on the increase even as disposable income shrinks in the face of the spiralling cost to those forced into renting property. In other words we have a "recovery" which is confined purely to a wealthy class of rentier property owners. While exports falter, manufacturing remains stagnant, wages continue to shrink and house building continues to languish our national debt is out of control. This is because increasing house prices does nothing to improve the balance of payments but does encourage debt as house owners borrow against the notional value of their property. All that Cameron and his idiot "fag" Osborne have done is to reinvent the wheel - and a broken worn out one at that. But the Tories have at least achieved their main aim of rewarding their rich mates in London especially in the banking industry. They love to berate Labour for the crash in 2008 after following an economic policy that everyone else in the world, including them, cheered on. In 2014 we should all know better so what is the Tories excuse for following exactly the same path? Essentially they don't have one, they are simply greedy chancers hoping to feather their own nests before the next economic downturn sees them thrown out of Downing Street. While the rest of us are scratching our heads and wondering when the recovery will benefit us they are busy stuffing their offshore bank accounts with tax free money and greedily eyeing the NHS as they prepare it for privatisation. At best the Tories are snake oil salesmen, at worst they are criminal asset strippers with all the patriotism expected from a party financed by corporate big business.