The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Yet Another Outbreak Of Democracy.

The Parliamentary Labour Party is in turmoil tonight after the National Executive ruled that Jeremy Corbyn will be allowed to stand once again for the leadership of the party. We asked a Tory Lite Labour MP for his reaction to tonight's news. "This is disastrous," he told our reporter. "We've worked so hard to stamp out democracy since the blessed Margaret Thatcher became the spiritual head of the Labour party in 1979 and now it's broken out all over again. When will voters in this country understand that we - the establishment - knows what's best for them and that democracy has no place in our brave new world? If voting continues to make a difference like this we'll have no choice but to abolish it." Puzzled by this reaction our reporter asked about the Brexit vote. "We have to bow to the wishes of the overwhelming majority of the people who voted for it. It's refreshing when the public vote for something that we in the establishment have longed for. Now we can ignore Johnny Foreigner, make up the rules for ourselves and vote ourselves the tax cuts and the unlimited expense accounts that we deserve." We asked if the Labour party would now split. "Split? What are you talking about, split? I have been and always will be a proud member of the very slightly left-wing of the Tory party. Why would we split when our leader, Theresa May, will win the next election? That's the trouble with you people, you actually think that British democracy should have some choice in it. Politics is not about choice, its about maintaining the status quo or, failing that, managing change so that people like me come out on top."

Saturday, 9 July 2016

Is Britain's Parliamentary Democracy Doomed?

Britain is about to get an unelected Prime Minister - again. The myth of Britain's parliamentary democracy is that we elect our MP's individually as the representative of a majority of the electorate in a constituency and that it is the choice of that representative as to which party they belong. If enough MP's form themselves into a party with a majority in the House of Commons then it is that party that forms the government and chooses a leader who is primus inter pares (first among equals). Of course none of this is true. MP's are selected to stand for election by already existing political parties and, in effect, the electorate vote for a party. The leaders of the parties are already known and are only primus inter pares until someone decides that they rather fancy the title of Prime Minister themselves. In fact Britain is an elective dictatorship in which a Prime Minister can pretty well do anything they like as long as the party will go along with it. And if the party is a little lukewarm then they can be "whipped" into agreement. So we now have the strange situation in which a small number of Tory party members can choose who the next dictator of Britain will be from a list of two presented to them by the Parliamentary party. The Labour party was pretty well run along the same lines until Ed Milliband decided that it needed a bit more democracy and that the leader in Parliament such be chosen from a list unlimited in number by all party members. The Parliamentary Labour Party now has a leader it doesn't want and believes is unelectable but has the support of the rest of the party. Milliband's attempt to inject more democracy into the Labour party came about because he saw that Parliament was a cosy club in which a political elite were far more interested in themselves than they were in the rest of the country. The revolt of the Parliamentary Labour party against Jeremy Corbyn would seem to indicate that he was probably right since they are obviously putting their own interests before the interests of their party and the country at large. The problem with democracy is that it often delivers answers that political elites don't like - which is why professional politicians don't like it much. This problem is exacerbated when the electorate are largely ignorant of the issues involved in pretty much any question they are asked and are largely unqualified to make any kind of sensible judgement. Which is why democracy is the worst kind of government except for all the rest. Essentially Parliamentary democracy in Britain is based more on myth than reality, has become increasingly unconnected with the rest of the country and is probably too unwieldy for the 21st century.

Monday, 4 July 2016

The Tory Plan For Brexit.

All of the contenders in the race for the leadership of the Tory party have now made it plain that, as far as Brexit is concerned, there is no going back. There is no further argument to be heard amongst them even if, as seems likely, much of the electorate who voted leave have now changed their minds. The reason is because, leavers or remainers, the Tories have realised they have an historic opportunity within their grasp. Suddenly the Tories finally have a plan for Brexit and, if you have any sense at all, you won't like it. Using what has been dubbed "Disaster Capitalism" they intend to use the confusion and chaos caused by Brexit to completely reconfigure Britain. When we say "reconfigure" we mean that the Tories intend to steal everything that isn't nailed down, especially the NHS which will be privatised as soon as possible. The NHS represents billions of pounds of taxpayers money invested in expertise and fixed assets all of which will now be handed over to private companies at bargain basement prices. The Tories will use the money thus raised to award themselves and their rich mates new tax cuts while the sick and disabled will be bled white to provide the necessary profits. This will be accompanied by a scrapping of the Convention on Human Rights and a new set of "rights" written for us by the Tories. You will have the right to a minimum wage, but no more than that. You will have the "right" to have a zero-hour contract of employment. You will have the "right" to pay exhorbitant rents for a moldering ruins unfit for human habitation. You will have the "right" to touch the forelock as the hunt rides by. The Tories have always considered the British population to be lower than vermin and they now intend to make that consideration an actuality. We have placed ourselves into the hands of a bunch of psychopaths and they fully intend to indulge their most gruesome fantasies.