The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Yet Another Outbreak Of Democracy.

The Parliamentary Labour Party is in turmoil tonight after the National Executive ruled that Jeremy Corbyn will be allowed to stand once again for the leadership of the party. We asked a Tory Lite Labour MP for his reaction to tonight's news. "This is disastrous," he told our reporter. "We've worked so hard to stamp out democracy since the blessed Margaret Thatcher became the spiritual head of the Labour party in 1979 and now it's broken out all over again. When will voters in this country understand that we - the establishment - knows what's best for them and that democracy has no place in our brave new world? If voting continues to make a difference like this we'll have no choice but to abolish it." Puzzled by this reaction our reporter asked about the Brexit vote. "We have to bow to the wishes of the overwhelming majority of the people who voted for it. It's refreshing when the public vote for something that we in the establishment have longed for. Now we can ignore Johnny Foreigner, make up the rules for ourselves and vote ourselves the tax cuts and the unlimited expense accounts that we deserve." We asked if the Labour party would now split. "Split? What are you talking about, split? I have been and always will be a proud member of the very slightly left-wing of the Tory party. Why would we split when our leader, Theresa May, will win the next election? That's the trouble with you people, you actually think that British democracy should have some choice in it. Politics is not about choice, its about maintaining the status quo or, failing that, managing change so that people like me come out on top."

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