The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

In A Time Of Austerity Can Britain Afford Scrounging Tories?

It is the burning question of the day - in a time of austerity with the British economy on its knees, can it afford to be run by a bunch of freeloading scroungers who've never done a real day's work in their lives? Is the Tory party, the receptacle for the prejudices and insane ideas of a lunatic right-wing fringe, a luxury that we simply can't afford? We asked a leading academic from Oxford University, Professor Loon, for his view; "The Tory party has in the past proven to be a very useful organisation into which all the lunatic ideas of the greedy, selfish and self-serving could be safely quarantined. This is fine when they have absolutely no chance whatsoever of forming a government, but they represent a real danger during times of economic stress when the electorate often become irrational and vote for them. Fortunately, after the last bout of Toryism under Thatcher and Major, the British people were partially cured and refused to give them an outright majority in the last general election. Unfortunately the Lib Dems were on hand to allow them into government and then gave them a free hand to inflict their lunatic ideas on the rest of the country. They immediately turned on the poorest and most vulnerable in our society in order to protect their own wealth and to help out their criminal mates in the banking sector. Having spent the last 30 years scrounging off the people who do the real work in Britain they were now given a chance to consolidate their position while flogging off national assets at knock-down prices to their pals and pocketing millions in bribes. Essentially they have moved on from "Greed is good" to "Corruption is good". Not that they needed much encouragement. Still we can look forward, in 2015, to at least a partial recovery from this latest bout of Toryism and some experts believe that, after this virulent form of the disease has run its course, then it might be eradicated once and for all from the British body politic".

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