The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

MP's Won't Have To Pay More For Their Pensions After All.

Britain's best organised criminal gang, Parliament, have given themselves a surprise present today by suddenly finding out that they won't have to pay more for their pensions after all. While millions of public sector workers have had their pensions downgraded to the derisive levels of those in the private sector, MP's won't be suffering with the rest of us. We asked a member of the Parliamentary Privileges Committee for his reaction; "Well, it wouldn't be a privilege to serve as an MP if it wasn't for all the privileges now would it? People have to realise that MP's are a special case. We have to work very hard, sometimes for several weeks every year, taking tough decisions that have no effect on us at all. Faced with agonising choices between helping ordinary people or grabbing as much for ourselves as possible, we often have to think about it for several minutes before reluctantly concluding that the fair thing to do is enrich ourselves. No one could be more surprised than me that voting to give ourselves a better pension that anyone else in the country would benefit me in any way. It was just one of those things. Very soon now we'll be faced with the difficult decision to vote ourselves a pay rise and I fear that we'll have no choice but to reluctantly make ourselves richer once again. If it wasn't for our expenses most of us wouldn't be able to stand the stress and would be forced to resign and accept unfeasibly large severance settlements.

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