How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.
Monday, 11 February 2013
The Pope Resigns.
Pope Benedict XVI shocked the world today by resigning the Holy See rather that waiting until he dies. Citing ill-health and failing mental faculties, he told a stunned world that he will no longer be interceding between the human race and their invisible friend in the sky. We asked the Vatican for a comment; "The Pope has found the strain of defending Medieval ideas in the modern world simply too much. Talking to God all day is no easy task. At 13.7 billion years of age He is somewhat hard of hearing and tends to shout a bit - God that is not the Pope. God was also getting a bit frustrated trying to explain Dark Matter and Dark Energy to a bloke that still thinks the world, if not flat, should be. For his part the Pope was getting equally frustrated that God wouldn't be told what he should think. All-in-all his Holiness thought that if God wasn't willing to be reasonable then it was time to ask for his P45." We asked an Ayatollah for his reaction; "Well it can't be easy talking all day to a God who isn't there. I've been telling him for years that he's got the wrong name and address for God and he didn't have a son in any case. He wouldn't be told so I suppose his resignation was inevitable. I've been talking to God about it and he said "It serves him right for wearing the wrong frock." Still the pay's not bad and the fringe benefits are pretty good - I might apply for the job myself."