The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Gove Makes His Bid For Party Leadership.

Michael Gove has laid out his qualifications as the next leader of the Tory party today. Having reversed every educational step forward for the last 150 years, Gove has now made the one indespensible move that is absolutely necessary to be a leader of the party - he has made a humilating u-turn on the most fundamental aspect of his policy. Forced into recognising that he no chance whatsoever of achieving his ambition of creating a school qualification reserved only for rich kids, he has no choice but to act as if he's the Education Secretary instead. We asked a senior Tory spokesman for his view; "Michael Gove has demonstrated that he has what it takes to be the next leader of our party. He's not only dismally stupid, he also has the skin of a rhino and is entirely out of touch with 99.9% of the population. We had high hopes for George Osborne, who is equally as well qualified to be leader, but we were quickly disabused when it emerged that his u-turns were ill-considered and he has failed to bankrupt the country quickly enough. His reputation was irrecoverably wrecked when he failed to tax pasties and lost a valuable opportunity to starve the peasants. Gove's ambition for all school lessons to be taught in Latin is revolutionary and leaves poor old George's ambition, to return us to the Middle Ages, looking rather pedestrian. We need more backward-looking people like Gove in the party and more people with completely unworkable ideas. Either that or we should all migrate to UKIP."

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