The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Tories Worried That Women Don't Like Them

The Tories are becoming increasingly worried as the polls show that women are becoming increasingly hostile to them. We asked a Tory spokesman for the party view; "I have one piece of advice for the little ladies in the country - calm down dear. Just because we are destroying their children's education, throwing their husbands out of work and stealing their parent's money there is no reson for them to stop supporting us. They should take a deep breath, make themselves a nice cup of tea and put their trust in us. If not we'll have no alternative but to take away their right to the vote. I recommend reading more Mills & Boon - the sort in which the rich handsome landowner gives the heroine a good seeing to and then throws her a few coins to show how fair-minded and generous he is. That's what the women of this country need - a good f*****g and we're definitely the party for that. We'll f**k anyone for a quid." Meanwhile we asked women still willing to vote Tory for their view. 90% told us "I don't really understand politics and vote the way my husband does" while the other 10% told us "I vote Tory because I'm rich and don't like peasants."

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