The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Nick Clegg: "I Don't Know What I Know."

It can be very difficult to understand what, if anything, Nick Clegg actually stands for. While it is true that there is no principle he won't sacrifice to hang on to the shadow if not the substance of power, what he actually thinks remains a total mystery. In fact so mysterious is it that Clegg himself doesn't seem to know what he thinks. Take this latest scandal over Chris Rennard. At first Clegg told us he knew nothing about it but it then transpired that he had been told about it four years ago. He then countered with the politicians favourite reply that he "didn't know the specifics." So what, exactly, did he know or not know? According to him he must have been informed about "something." How did the conversation go? Political Aide; "Mr Clegg we have some bad news about Chris Rennard." Nick Clegg "Oh dear, what can it possibly be?" Political Aide; "We don't actually know. But it seems to have sexual overtones." Nick Clegg; "What has been said about poor old Chris." Political Aide; "We don't know but it might be serious." Nick Clegg; "Who is making the claims?" Political Aide; "We don't know that either." Nick Clegg; "Oh my God its worse than I thought. Whatever you do don't tell me any more." Political Aide; "Any more about what?" Nick Clegg; "Chris Rennard." Political Aide; "Chris Rennard? My God what's he done?" Nick Clegg; "I don't know." Political Aide; "Oh well, that's all right then."

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