The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Britain Waves Bye Bye To Its AAA Credit Rating.

George Osborne, known affectionally to his friends as "Bonehead", has finally achieved his goal of destroying Britain's credit rating. "It was an uphill struggle," George told our reporter. "First I had to stop and then reverse the recovery that Labour had so carelessly allowed. Then I had to flatten the economy by taking out all the demand, stoke up inflation, increase the national debt and, at the same time, make sure that we didn't export anything. Now the banks have rewarded me by reducing our credit rating from AAA to AA1. Its all very exciting and goes to prove my theory that a country doesn't have to be rich to enjoy itself. Look at me - I'm poor, down to my last £20 million, but I'm as happy as Larry. Those who are still in work can now look forward to paying ever-increasing prices for rent, power and fuel while their children will be celebrating having no prospects. At last we are close to creating the Tory paradise we've always wanted - the one in which I and my rich mates don't pay tax and the rest of you can't afford to eat. Now if we can only actually win a general election we can start really motoring, which, given the price of petrol, is more than the rest of you scum can do. We're already warming up the argument that the economic problems are so dire that we'll have to flog off the NHS to cover the overdraft. I'm so happy I could burn a peasant."

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