The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 15 February 2013

Tories Celebrate Food Industry Deregulation.

While the rest of us are worrying about horsemeat in our bugers and seahorse in our fish fingers, the Tories are celebrating yet another triumph of deregulation. We asked a Tory spokesman for the party's reaction; "We think its marvelous how the criminal fraternity has responded so positively to the deregulation of the food industry and shown the creative ways in which entrepeneurs can add value to our society. Many people have asked where the government has been in all this and we are delighted to say that it was as far away as possible. There's lots of loose talk at the moment about the number of food inspectors we've sacked recently but why do we need them? After all its not as if rich people eat rubbish like this is it? Peasants deserve to eat rotten food because they are poor. At the end of the day its all about choice and we think that choosing between crap food and starvation is character-building if you are poor and, therefore, undeserving. Personally I'd feed them dog food if I though I could make an extra quid or pay less tax. We see this as a definite vote-winner as the fair-minded people in Britain increasingly recognise the fairness of punishing poor people until they give up being penniless and become doctors, barristers, bankers and the CEO's of multinational companies. We're so excited about the success of this that we would like to extend deregulation to the pharmaceutical industry, children's homes and, of course, the banks."


  1. The free market should be the only determinant of food standards. And it seems to be working even after government meddling. Local butcher sales are up findus sales are down. People who believe the government should regulate everything will ultimately have themselves and their children regulated. Seig Hail.

  2. So the answer to the corruption of the food supply caused by a lack of regulation and by a lack of regulators is less regulation? Probably the most stupid idea I have ever heard. Congratulations.