Jeremy Hunt Fantasises About The Olympics.

Jeremy Hunt, the most brazen liar in the Tory party and the man appointed by Cameron to get the Murdoch bid for BSkyB through on a nod and wink, has lied through his teeth about the economic benefits of the Olympics. With a total disregard for the truth Hunt has claimed that the games were "a very good period" for tourism in London. Meanwhile businesses were counting the cost of one of the most disastrous two weeks in the history of the London tourist industry with some of them fearful that they will not survive the winter. Hotel bookings were down by a third while Heathrow Airport reported that arrivals on the day before the Olympics opened were not as high as on a typical Thursday. Nor are the disappointing figures confined purely to London with tourism reported to be down across the country from Bath to Edinburgh. However the Tories have realised that simply lying about the figures won't butter any parsnips so they've scrapped the legal requirement stipulating how much outside space each school must provide for their pupils. This will make the flogging of school playing fields to their rich mates a lot easier and will do wonders for the Tory party's balance of payment problems even if it does nothing for that of the country as a whole. Proudly boasting that two of his children attend a school with no green space to play on he told our reporter; "Why would they need a playing field when they're learning more important things such as how to steal money from poor people? As for poor kids - they should be out earning a living not wasting their time chasing sporting dreams that we in the Tory party fully intend they'll never achieve."

Tories Contine Campaign Of Thievery.

Under the cover offered by the Olympics the Tories are putting their campaign to steal the country from its real owners up a gear. Serco, a leading private enterprise company that has interests in anything where there's money for old rope and has a global income of £4 billion, is bidding for several lucrative contracts made available by Cameron's "Big Society." Originally pitched as a means for charities to take over the functions of the state, the "Big Society" has now morphed into an opportunity for private companies to pocket taxpayer's money for doing as little as possible. Serco is particularly interested in the "National Citizen Service" - a kind of national service which will have young people doing work for nothing. Serco are quite understandbly slavering over the prospect of contracts that will return millions while having to pay absolutely nothing in terms of wages. Such a deal is a cost-cutters wet dream. Meanwhile real charities, who lack the resources of multi-million pound international corporations, are being elbowed aside. The Tories have also managed to side-step a possibly limiting factor when it comes to the sale of the NHS. They have put to one side the requirement for those holding top positions in the NHS to be "fit and proper persons." Learning from their mistake over Rupert Murdoch, who now hasn't a cat in hell's chance of getting his gubby fingers on the rest of BSkyB, they have effectively opened the door for the known criminals who generally operate multi-national companies. The regulator charged with overseeing this theft of our greatest national asset has, in addition, been told to conduct themselves with a "light touch" and rely on "self-certification." In other words the NHS will be opened to the predatory attentions of various criminal elements who will be able to regulate themselves. Well, since it worked so well with the banks, why not?

Is The Hosepipe Ban Over Yet?

The Tory plan to hold the British people hostage and make them watch the Olympics whether they want to or not has gone spectacularly wrong as the country disappears into the North Sea under the onslaught from the summer monsoon. Although the European football was always doomed to be a disappointment, with Andy Murray in the men's final at Wimbledon during Diamond Jubilee year and the usual excitement surrounding the British Grand Prix, the Tories should have it made with diversions that any political party would die for. Unfortunately it has all gone pear-shaped as England left the European Cup in the usual penalty shoot-out, the Jubilee celebrations became a very damp squib, Andy Murray has been forced to play under a roof and the Grand Prix has become an exercise in aqua-planing. Now the Tories are regretting making foreign holidays out of reach for most of us as those with no interest in pointless sporting-fests are forced indoors and switch to news channels out of sheer boredom. Worse yet, as far as the water companies are concerned, the proof that this island can never be seriously considered to be in a drought is now being beamed directly into our front rooms. What will come next from these greedy utility companies - accusations that we are stealing their water by selfishly storing it in our back gardens and living rooms?