Can The Tories Waste Any More Taxpayers Money?

It is the great political and economic dilemma of our times - how can the Tories waste even more taxpayers money while still benefiting themselves? Selling off RBS at a loss of £1 billion to the Tories rich mates in the City is a doddle. All George Osborne has to do is to stand up in Parliament and tell everyone with a straight face that this "is a good deal for the British taxpayer." Child's play for an accomplished conman like George. Explaining away the hundreds of millions lost to the NHS by Jeremy Hunt has proven a bit more tricky. Softening up the NHS for privatisation is, of course, the aim, but how to explain it? Cue Jeremy who now has the sheer brass neck to turn the argument on its head and suggest that the NHS cannot control its shrinking budget. "NHS spending is simply unaffordable" he tells the public while he gloats over the tax cuts for his £1 million mansion and congratulates his rich mates for their ingenious tax-dodging scams. Meanwhile, sniggering up his sleeve, George Osborne has asked public sector workers "for their ideas on how to deliver public services more efficiently" since he doesn't have a clue. "We need to save at least £20 billion if Dave and I are to get our next tax cut," George told our reporter. "Asking public sector workers to cut their own throats saves me the trouble and, when it all goes tits up, I can simply point the finger and remind them it was all their own idea. Brilliant! But its true that political scams and con tricks are becoming increasingly hard to pull off. In the 70's and 80's things were much easier when the world's most successful peadophile ring - Parliament - was bullet proof. Now we have the likes of Tom Watson and Jeremy Corbyn swanning around telling everyone the bloody truth. Thank God for offshore banking is all I can say."

The NHS: The Beginning Of The End?

A & E departments across the country are so hard pushed that they have little choice but to declare a major incident and introduce emergency measures in order to cope. Doctors and nurses are at breaking point, patients are waiting up to five hours outside hospitals in ambulances and the government is failing to reach even its own pathetic targets. The crisis facing the NHS this winter is unprecedented and is the culmination of five years of Tory ideology which has inflicted untold damage on the service and brought it to the brink of extinction. So what have the Tories got to say about all this? Nothing intelligible. Cameron has accused anyone asking questions about this mess of "using the NHS as a political football" - as if he hasn't. He has also accused sick people of clogging up the system by having the sheer nerve to be sick and old people having the sheer nerve to be old. Not one word about the disastrous top-down re-organisation that he, Andrew Lansley and Jeremy Hunt have pursued for the last five years. Not one word about the cuts to spending on the NHS over the last five years. Not one word about the destruction of morale amongst NHS employees over the last five years. Not one word about the destruction of those ancillary services that support the health care system and have now left the NHS exposed. Just more of the favoured Tory trick of blaming the victims. Nothing could demonstrate more clearly the commitment of the Tory party to their core principle of killing people for money. The cuts inflicted on the NHS are designed to provide tax cuts for the Tories and their rich mates. The so-called re-organisation is designed to allow the Tories and their rich mates to get their hands on billions in assets that are actually the property of you and me - the tax payer. This is what Tory ideology means on the ground - more money for them and more misery for the rest of us.

Tory Evil Continues To Fester.

The Tories have certainly pulled out all the stops to retoxify their brand this week. Not that Cameron's much vaunted "detoxification" ever amounted to much more than telling outright lies, twisting facts and smiling as they wielded the axe. They seem to have given up the hopeless struggle of persuading us that they're not the nasty, greedy, vicious bunch of crooks we know they are and have, instead, tried to smear Labour over the Co-Op Bank/Paul Flowers scandal. Yet even this is backfiring as it has been revealed that George Osborne deliberately blocked "health checks" of the banking sector to weed out rogue executives. The reason for this is not hard to understand - the Tories were protecting their criminal allies in the finance industry who bankroll their corrupt political machine. Meanwhile, Iain Duncan Smith stepped up his pogrom against the sick and disabled by targeting the benefits paid to those so seriously ill that no real human being would expect them to work. Having cancer, apparently, is now no longer sufficient excuse for not working and enjoying the film star lifestyle available on benefits. Having secured their income and persecuting the sick so they can reduce their tax liability, the Tories turned to their next money-making scheme. This involves selling off your health records, supposedly protected under data protection legislation, to their mates in the private healthcare racket. They are able to do this, they smugly informed us, because "technically, medical records are owned by the secretary of state for health". In other words they are "technically" owned by Jeremy Hunt, the Tory party's most successful slime on the top of the pond. They seem to forget that, technically, they work for us and are little more than the hired help on a par with all those other public sector workers they hate so much.

Cameron And Hunt - Still Ducking And Diving.

Part-time PM David Cameron and the loathsome Jeremy Hunt have been giving a master class this week in the art of ducking and diving. "Call me Dave" was first up with his threadbare explanation for attending the Commonwealth Conference in Sri Lanka despite that country's dubious human rights record. Distracted from his busy round of flogging arms to various Sri Lankan government gangsters, Dave took time off to carefully explain why his presence at the Conference was all Labour's fault. "Ed Miliband, who as everyone knows was Prime Minister at the time, agreed in 2009 that the conference should be held in Sri Lanka despite the fact that his crystal ball was telling him that the government there would soon be guilty of human rights abuses. This left me with no choice but to attend the meeting since it was pencilled into my diary and my bags were already packed. I feel that, with good will on both sides and with the new guns I've just flogged to the Sri Lankan authorities, the problem will soon be resolved as the hard-working government finally gets rid of all the scrounging shirkers in the Tamil community." Meanwhile, back in Britain now officially renamed "Tory World", "Jeremy stop calling me C**t" has called for negligent doctors and nurses to be jailed for up to five years in order to cover up his own record of neglect and mistreatment of the NHS. While A&E departments continue to close for the winter and the incidence of postponed operations increased by 40%, Mr.Hunt felt he had no choice but to use the time-honoured Tory tactic of blaming the victims. "Despite all our efforts to persuade them otherwise," Hunt told the BBC, "doctors and nurses in the NHS still continue to deliberately kill patients for fun. If I could fully privatise healthcare in Britain then, of course, all these problems would vanish overnight. Doctors and nurses would then act in accordance with their oath to do no harm because they would be guided by the higher morality of the market place. I have to add, however, that the real problem with the NHS is all those selfish pensioners who resolutely refuse to die quietly so I can reduce my tax bill."

Jeremy Hunt Plans Shrinkage Of The NHS.

Jeremy Hunt has now unveiled his latest move to soften up the NHS for privatisation. Not only does he plan to stop the promised and less than generous pay rise of 1% for NHS staff he also plans to dismantle the system of increments that reward staff for their growing experience over time and for staying in a difficult and challenging job. NHS pay and conditions for the vast majority are hardly generous in the first place - certainly not as generous as the inflation-busting pay rises and the "increments" that MP's allow themselves by cheating on their expenses. But, of course, Jeremy Hunt doesn't care about that. All he cares about is reducing the wage bill in anticipation of flogging off the NHS to his corporate bloodsucking mates. Nor does he care that the death rate is climbing steadily or that waiting times in A&E have trebled since the Tories seized power in 2010. Tory MP's in exposed marginal seats are already becoming rather nervous about their electoral prospects in 2015 but Hunt doesn't care about that either. He knows, as do Cameron and Osborne, that the Tories will only win a majority in 2015 if God intervenes and arranges a miracle. Hunt and the other criminals in the present coalition cabinet have to flog off the NHS and pocket the proceeds well before the 2015 deadline and wrecking it is the best way to achieve this. At first glance this might appear counter-productive. How can he sell off the NHS if it is near to collapse? The answer is simple. It doesn't matter if the NHS is in a state of collapse because Hunt and his rich pals don't use it. A NHS near to collapse will provide the necessary alibi for the Tories to sell the idea of privatisation to the electorate. And, even is this ploy fails, so what? The collapse will make it cheaper for the corporate bloodsuckers to acquire the NHS as they get their grubby hands on assets worth billions for next-to-nothing and increase the size of the potential "donations" for the Tory party. Jeremy Hunt is planning the world's most audacious smash and grab raid and, with so much money at stake, he doesn't care about anything else. Like all Tories he is nothing more than a squalid crook.

Tories Begin To Implode.

Jeremy Hunt visited the BBC today to tell them that the Tory party is completely united, especially over Europe, and that the grassroots are falling over themselves to support Cameron et al. But enough of the Tory leadership's illusions, wishful thinking and unwarrented optimism - or, as the rest of us call it, the economy. The truth is that Cameron is the most unpopular leader of the Tory party since the last one though, to be fair, trying to manage them is like trying to herd cats. It is reported that he can depend on the support of only 20 backbenchers, while the Chairmen of local constituency party are openly calling for him to stand down before he buries the party once and for all. The problem, however, is not Cameron as such. The problem is the Tory party itself which simply can't get its collective head around the fact that they've been rumbled. They have in the past been very successful at getting the British electorate to cut their own throats but the crisis in capitalism after 2008 has put an end to that. The party's over, the jig is up and the Tories, despite all their best efforts, cannot reinvent the wheel - especially one that has lost all its spokes. They are desperately trying to turn back the clock, trying to wipe out all memory of the last 70 years while, at the same time, saving the last 30. The message is simple. 1945-1979 bad. 1979-2008 good - except for those pesky socialists who ruined it all. In fact Labour did no such thing. They were as eager as the Tories to embrace the neoliberal economic mumbo-jumbo. They were simply unfortunate enough to be in power when the whole rotten system ground to a shuddering halt. Now the Tories are determined to rescue neoliberalism from the wreckage. Not because it was good for ordinary people or even the country as a whole, but because it was good for them. Most of us did not share in the good times and somewhat puzzled by the concept that we should now have pay for it after it all fell apart. Why should we? What's in it for us? Twenty years of austerity? The price is simply too high and even the Tory party is beginning to realise it. There's nothing in it for them either.

Hunt Makes Last Ditch Attempt To Flog The NHS.

Jeremy C..., sorry, Jeremy Hunt, the slimiest individual in the Tory swamp, has stepped up his campaign to soften up the NHS so he can flog it off to the criminals who bankroll his party. As the member of the government most closely associated with the atempt to strangle the finances of the NHS, C..., sorry, Hunt has had the sheer brass neck to warn that 'The weeds of failure grow more quickly in a garden of mediocrity." As a Tory he would naturally know all about that. What C..., sorry, Hunt, is doing is to blame the victim for a policy designed to bring the NHS into disrepute even as it kills people. The Tories have spent decades slavering over the NHS, itching to privatise it so they steal as much money as they can get their grubby hands on. Staffordshire was a symptom of this process and not an example of why privatisation should gather pace. The Labour party, frightened by the bogeywoman, Margaret Thatcher, actively encouraged it and the result has been disaster. While both parties are eager to pour billions into the armed forces and the aid programme so their leaders can stut the world stage pretending they are important, people have been dying in Britain for want of a properly funded NHS. There is no case for the disgraceful idea that the NHS should make a profit. It is not a business, it is a service funded by us for us. There is no place in the NHS for politicians on the make or businessmen hoping to plunder it. It is ours and should have a sign on it saying "HANDS OFF." C..., sorry, Hunt, is a mediocre little spiv, like his predecessor Andrew Lansley, whose only qualification as the Minister for Health is that he managed to screw up the BSkyB confidence trick. He, like the entire coalition government, are not fit to lick the boots of the lowliest hospital porter.

Cameron Still Dodging Action Over Press Ethics.

It's not often that the electorate get to see a Prime Minister twist and turn as much as David Cameron. It all began with Rupert Murdoch's plan to buy the controlling share of BSkyB and with Cameron pretending that he was completely neutral over the question despite appointing Andy Coulson as his "communications director". Things didn't look good for the Murdoch's when the LibDem's shoehorned Vince Cable into the role of arbiter of the deal, but poor old Vince was quickly removed when two young female reporters flattered him into saying something indiscreet. Enter Jeremy Hunt, charged with the job of smarming the BSkyB deal through while Cameron smarmed around Rebekah Brooks. Unfortunately Andy Coulson's past soon caught up with him as it was revealed that phone hacking had been widespread during his tenure as editor of "The News of the World" and not, as previously claimed, the action of a single rogue reporter. As the scandal grew and grew and more people in the Murdoch media empire were implicated the Prime Minister refused to be drawn and absented himself from Parliament when the issue was debated. He had to be literally forced into announcing an inquiry into press ethics and still fought a rearguard action to protect the Murdoch bid for BSkyB with Jeremy Hunt leading the charge. During the Leveson Inquiry it became clear that the Prime Minister had been far, far too close to the Murdoch media machine and many potentially embarassing questions over the exact nature of his relationship with Rebekah Brooks were left hanging menacingly in mid-air. Leveson has now delivered his report and, as expected, he made it abundantly plain that certain "sections" of the press were completely out of control and believed themselves to be above the law because of the protection they enjoyed both from politicians and the police. Cameron's immediate reaction was the reject these findings and conduct a campaign, through the media, to protect the "freedom of the press" in a sudden and unexpected fit of idealism. That has threatened to backfire as many of the victims of press excesses have called on him the impliment the Leveson Inquiry findings as he had previously promised he would. With his strategy fast unravelling Cameron has now made one last roll of the dice, announcing that what was once an urgent matter is now less so and that there is "no timetable for producing any draft legislation."

NHS Privatisation Kills Two And Blinds Six.

Lister Hospital in Stevenage, Hertfordshire, is run by a private company, Carillion, which is in fact a construction company that knows nothing about healthcare but knows everything about cutting overheads, grabbing as much cash as it can and avoiding tax. So far this hospital - essentially a private business masquerading under the title of the "NHS" - has killed two people and blinded another six. In addition the East and North Hertfordshire Clinical Commissioning Group has also revealed that there have been "21 serious incidents of both a clinical and patient information governance nature", not to mention the 8,500 patient records that they have carelessly mislaid. A spokesman for the hospital, Dr Mark O'Flynn, has described the deaths as "unfortunate" but has so far failed to explain why two people should die after routine proceadures. Of course the answer is glaringly obvious. Staff numbers and quality have been cut by Carillion to reduce overheads so that they can divert taxpayers money from healthcare and into their very deep pockets. This is the essence of privatisation of the NHS - a gratuitous diversion of our money into the hands of greedy company executives and shareholders for the sake of a Tory ideology that claims that private companies will always be more "efficient". Of course the Tories are right, private companies will always be more efficient at stealing taxpayers money than nationalised services. These people have been killed - murdered if you will - by the likes of Andrew Lansley, Jeremy Hunt and David Cameron out of the oldest motive in the world - greed.

NHS: The Progress So Far.

Jeremy Hunt, speaking to the National Children and Adult Services conference in Eastbourne on Thursday, has made an offer to local authorities that he feels they just can't refuse. Having taken up Andrew Lansley's crusade to make the NHS into a privatised cash cow for the already wealthy, he is now suggesting that the colonisation of public services should be extended into all areas of social care and that local government should be allowed to "invest" and cash in on this as well. It's a juicy deal and one that is rapidly becoming even juicier as Health Authorities up and down the country cut their overheads by sacking staff at a rate of knots. Rotherham Hospital has already announced cuts to its staff of 20% by the next election while the Norfolk and Suffolk NHS Foundation Trust is planning to shed 500 front-line jobs and 20% of its inpatient beds during the same period. Many more Doctors, nurses and anciliary staff are planning to leave the NHS, the Health Unions have discovered, as morale plummets and pay is frozen year after year. Nor should potential "investors" worry too much about a return on their money, despite the fact that the flagship privatisation of Hinchingbrooke Hospital has led to record-breaking financial loses. In keeping with the new capitalism Circle Health will still glum £2 million out of the hospital while the debts will be picked up by the taxpayer. For wealthy "investors" the NHS will be a gold-plated piggy bank, a "tails we win, heads the taxpayer loses" deal guaranteed to find support amongst the greedy everywhere. In terms of the political support for this act of daylight robbery the reason is all too obvious - simply study the picture above.

Tories Spend Billions To Destroy The NHS.

The Tory plan to turn healthcare in Britain into a minority interest by making it too expensive for most of us to access has gathered pace since Andrew Lansley was replaced by the even bigger crook Jeremy Hunt and so has the cost. Now expected to cost the taxpayer upwards of £1.6 billion, the "reforms" will eventually mean that those same taxpayers will have to pay through the nose for even basic healthcare while more expensive proceadures will be reserved only for the wealthy. The process, it appears, has already begun with GP's being told to put 1 in every 100 of their patients on a "death list." These will be people who doctors believe might die in the next 12 months and, naturally, many of these will drawn from those people that the Tories consider to be surplus to requirement - the elderly poor. These people will be pressured into signing a living will which will give doctors and hospitals the right to withdraw life-preserving treatment if the patient becomes incapacitated. The matter, at least for the Tory party, has become urgent because of baby-boomers who are now fast approaching old age. "This is a bad situation, which is going to get worse unless we act now," new guidance to doctors states. What it fails to say, of course, is that fast-tracking people into an early grave is expected the save the government £1 billion a year and will go a long way towards funding yet more tax cuts for the Tories and their rich mates.

The Great NHS Free For All.

The bad news about the NHS just kept rolling in today. First the "Mirror" revealed that Jeremy Hunt, the Health Secretary, is pocketing nearly a million pounds a year made up of his government salary and his various "business" interests. This, presumably, is now set to increase as he receives lucrative bribes from the healthcare sharks circling the NHS. Meanwhile Serco, the private company that took over the NHS's biggest pathology laboratories, have proven to be so inept that they made over 400 clinical errors in 2011 alone while London hospitals were forced to lend them taxpayers money to prevent them from going bust. If this further example of privatised profits and nationalised business debt isn't bad enough, then the latest round of contracts being handed out to private healthcare providers is enough to make your hair stand on end. Almost 400 NHS services, worth a quarter of billion pounds, are being literally given away to private companies with a further three quarters of a billion pounds worth of contracts up for grabs next year. Tonight the BBC televised a programme entitled "Britain's Secret Health Tourists" which outlined how the NHS is being defrauded out of millions by criminals and corrupt healthcare professionals. In one instance the practice manager of the Sparkbrook Health Centre in Birmingham was shown pocketing thousands of pounds to register foreign nationals with a doctor and allow them unfettered access to the NHS. This is disturbing enough, but health minister Anna Soubry's reaction was nothing short of disgraceful. Challenged as to what the government will do about this all she could say was that it is "complicated." The smirk on her face said it all. What does such fraud matter when the NHS is about to be privatised anyway and all the money that was once finding its way into the pockets of criminals and corrupt healthcare professionals will soon be finding its way into the pockets of Tory MP's and their "donators"?

Jeremy Hunt Fantasises About The Olympics.

Jeremy Hunt, the most brazen liar in the Tory party and the man appointed by Cameron to get the Murdoch bid for BSkyB through on a nod and wink, has lied through his teeth about the economic benefits of the Olympics. With a total disregard for the truth Hunt has claimed that the games were "a very good period" for tourism in London. Meanwhile businesses were counting the cost of one of the most disastrous two weeks in the history of the London tourist industry with some of them fearful that they will not survive the winter. Hotel bookings were down by a third while Heathrow Airport reported that arrivals on the day before the Olympics opened were not as high as on a typical Thursday. Nor are the disappointing figures confined purely to London with tourism reported to be down across the country from Bath to Edinburgh. However the Tories have realised that simply lying about the figures won't butter any parsnips so they've scrapped the legal requirement stipulating how much outside space each school must provide for their pupils. This will make the flogging of school playing fields to their rich mates a lot easier and will do wonders for the Tory party's balance of payment problems even if it does nothing for that of the country as a whole. Proudly boasting that two of his children attend a school with no green space to play on he told our reporter; "Why would they need a playing field when they're learning more important things such as how to steal money from poor people? As for poor kids - they should be out earning a living not wasting their time chasing sporting dreams that we in the Tory party fully intend they'll never achieve."

Warsi Apologises As Cameron Throws Her To The Wolves.

Baroness Warsi, who's memory is worse than a goldfish or a Murdoch, has apologised to David Cameron for inadvertantly taking a business partner with her on an official trip to Pakistan. Claiming that she completely forgot that Abid Hussain was also involved in a business venture with her, despite the fact that he is related to her husband, she failed completely to explain why he accompanied her on the trip at all. In reply David Cameron wrote; "There are clearly some lessons for future handling and I have asked Alex Allan, my adviser on ministers' interests, to consider the issues that have been raised with respect to the Ministerial Code and to provide advice to me as rapidly as possible". Of course Alex Allan has a clear desk at the moment since a similar investigation of Jeremy Hunt has been kicked into the tall grass. The question is why Baroness Warsi is being investigated while Jeremy Hunt is not. The "News in Shorts" has reviewed the evidence and come to some startling conclusions. Baroness Warsi is a smug, self-satisfied moron without a brain in her head who has proven to be an embarassment to the Tory party. Jeremy Hunt, on the other hand, is a smug, self-satisfied moron without a brain in his head who was put in place for one very specific underhand deal - getting Murdoch's deal over BSkyB through. Warsi has been less than useful, while Jeremy Hunt, just as incompetent and stupid as the Baroness, still provides the valuable service of acting as a flak jacket for David Cameron. Nice to see that Cameron regards his own colleagues in much the same way he does the rest of the people in this country - with cynical contempt.

U-Turn, Diversion Or Grubby Climb Down?

While Jeremy Hunt was doing his best to appear innocent at the Leveson Enquiry, George Osbourne suddenly announced that he was reversing his policy on capping donations to charity. It was immediately seized on by the press as an example of an obvious diversionary tactic to take the heat out of Hunt's appearance. Meanwhile David Cameron has reiterated his position that Hunt's behaviour will not be investigated by Sir Alex Allen, his adviser on the ministerial code. But, of course, all of this was quickly noticed by the press who have put two and two together and made twenty-two. What slipped most of them by was another story that caused fewer ripples in this rather stagnant pond. This was the story that John Moulton the venture capitalist and a major "donator" to the Tory party was going to cut the purse strings in retaliation over the charity cap. Now why, you might ask, would he do that? After all he couldn't possibly be engaged in some sort of charity scam that enabled him to dodge tax liabilities could he? No, he says, its because it will hurt charities. The major charities, however, have pointed out that they rarely receive donations that even begin to approach the cap and that most of their money comes from small donations given by ordinary people. Strangely enough Mr.Moulton is also calling for even greater austerity and doesn't seem to mind too much about the damage that would inflict on ordinary people or the liklihood that would damage donations to charities to an even greater degree. As for George Osbourne's decision to reverse the cap, that couldn't possibly have anything to do with £300,000 that Mr.Moulton has donated to the Tories since 2004 - could it?

Nod And A Wink Politics.

Adam Smith, appearing at the Leveson Enquiry, has given us all an insight into how political decisions are reached in this country. Essentially its all done on a nod and a wink. The story of how Mr.Smith ended up before the enquiry is illuminating to say the least. The government originally appointed Vince Cable to oversee Murdoch's bid to get his hands on the rest of BSkyB but it soon became apparent that Vince wasn't too sympathetic and Rupert Murdoch was not pleased. Enter two young female journalists who cajole Vince into admitting on tape that he did not approve of Murdoch and that he had "declared war" on him. Revealed as being "partisan" poor old Vince was forced to resign. Enter Jeremy Hunt, who had been lobbying David Cameron for months to allow the bid to go forward, and who was now appointed by that same David Cameron to act as an "impartial" judge to replace Vince Cable. There then follows a series of emails between News International and someone in the government who signed the emails "JH." These make it abundantly clear that NI and the Cameron government are in cahoots to get the deal through no matter what the objections against it. When this is revealed Jeremy Hunt denies all knowledge and tells us all that his advisor, Adam Smith, is the guilty party and that he was acting without Hunt's knowledge or permission. So now we have Adam Smith giving evidence to the Leveson Enquiry telling us that he often used the initials "JH" for no particular reason and often appearing to not know his own emails too well. One thing is abundantly plain, however, and that is the whole process was both fishy and, at the same time, that the realtionship between the Cameron government and Murdoch was far too cosy to be labelled "impartial." One of the most important decisions for this country in terms of the future of the media was effectively being progressed on a nod and a wink, something that this government does in far too many spheres touching on our national ineterests. Treachery is not too strong a word.

The "Nothing To Do With Me" Defence.

There's little doubt that the "nothing to do with me" defence has been very fashionable of late. It was first trotted out by the bankers who seem to think that gambling with other people's money, and losing it, entitles them to state handouts and the protection of their bonuses. That was followed up by the cunning "we have pay that kind of money to get the right people," argument. Then we had the Murdoch's using the same argument. "I was shocked when I found out what the people I appointed and am responsible for turned out to be a bunch of crooks," James and Rupert tell us, expecting that we must believe them because they're important. George Osborne, impressed with the success of such whinning self-justification, felt emboldened to use the argument over tax-dodging. He too was shocked at the extent to which millionaires, including himself, avoid paying their fair share. His solution was to cut their tax burden - naturally. "It's a well known fact," he told us, "that raising taxes for rich people actually returns less money." Now we have David Cameron, faced with a Minister who had his hand in the cookie jar, telling us that having him investigated is "nothing to do with me." No, the right place to look into this is the Leveson Enquiry, despite the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with investigating the Ministerial Code. So what exactly are the use of these bankers, executives and politicians? They seem to take no responsibility for anything they do and expect the glittering prizes no matter how incompetent and utterly useless they actually are. At the end of the day the only argument that they are really using is that they are "better" than us and deserve everything they can steal from us.

Jeremy Hunt Investigates Himself.

After David Cameron announced that he will not allow his adviser on the ministerial code, Sir Alex Allan, to investigate whether Jeremy Hunt broke the code, Hunt is handing over all his emails and letters to the Leveson Enquiry who will report their findings directly to him. "I am determined that this matter will be thoroughly investigated," he told our reporter, "and, after I've reviewed the evidence, I will be announcing my complete innocence as soon as possible." Meanwhile George Osborne has moved into the frame when it was revealed that he was "very keen" for Jeremy Hunt to take on the job of scrutinising the Murdoch scandal when Vince Cable was ousted from the position after Murdoch lobbied Osbourne to get rid of him. We asked George Osborne to explain what was going on; "The whole Murdoch scandal was played out under Labour and when Tony Blair and Gordon Brown were in No.10. The secret meetings that Tory Prime Ministers, including Margaret Thatcher (Blessed Be Her Name), John Major and my mate Dave, had with Murdoch were entirely innocent and had absolutely nothing to do with Mr.Murdoch's media business interests. It is my understanding that Mrs Thatcher was only interested in talking about Mr.Murdoch's stamp collection, John Major talked to him about cricket and David, in order to understand common people, was only really interested in Murdoch's box collection of "Eastenders." As for Jeremy, apart from the fact that I don't know him at all, he retains the government's complete confidence as long as he can continue to pretend that none of this has anything to do with him."

Rupert Murdoch Met Leading Politicians For Small Talk.

After James Murdoch's performance yesterday, in which he reiterated his explaination that he is completely incompetent and incapable of running a multi-million pound business, his father, Rupert, explained today that he spends all of his time engaging in small talk. "I have never spoken to politicians about anything other than "Eastenders" and "Coronation Street," he told the Leverson Enquiry today. "I met someone called David Cameron on several occassions but had no idea who he is. It never occured to me that such people could help me to acquire BSkyB or that they could have any influence over the deal. These were people that I just happened to have several secret meetings with for no apparent reason while my son wandered about our corporate headquarters with a bag over his head. I mean, what kind of pressure could a multi-millionaire newspaper proprietor like myself bring to bear on a politician who was desperate for my endorsement?" Meanwhile Jeremy Hunt the Culture Secretary, who spent five days in the US talking to the Murdochs for no apparent reason, refused to resign today amid allegations that he supplied the newspaper owner with confidential information. "I was delighted when Rupert and James invited me to view their stamp collection," Hunt told our reporter. "It never occured to me that, as the Culture Secretary responsible for overseeing the BSkyB deal, that talking in secret to the Murdoch's might give the wrong impression."