The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 27 April 2012

Jeremy Hunt Investigates Himself.

After David Cameron announced that he will not allow his adviser on the ministerial code, Sir Alex Allan, to investigate whether Jeremy Hunt broke the code, Hunt is handing over all his emails and letters to the Leveson Enquiry who will report their findings directly to him. "I am determined that this matter will be thoroughly investigated," he told our reporter, "and, after I've reviewed the evidence, I will be announcing my complete innocence as soon as possible." Meanwhile George Osborne has moved into the frame when it was revealed that he was "very keen" for Jeremy Hunt to take on the job of scrutinising the Murdoch scandal when Vince Cable was ousted from the position after Murdoch lobbied Osbourne to get rid of him. We asked George Osborne to explain what was going on; "The whole Murdoch scandal was played out under Labour and when Tony Blair and Gordon Brown were in No.10. The secret meetings that Tory Prime Ministers, including Margaret Thatcher (Blessed Be Her Name), John Major and my mate Dave, had with Murdoch were entirely innocent and had absolutely nothing to do with Mr.Murdoch's media business interests. It is my understanding that Mrs Thatcher was only interested in talking about Mr.Murdoch's stamp collection, John Major talked to him about cricket and David, in order to understand common people, was only really interested in Murdoch's box collection of "Eastenders." As for Jeremy, apart from the fact that I don't know him at all, he retains the government's complete confidence as long as he can continue to pretend that none of this has anything to do with him."

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