The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Industrial Output Falls In Britain.

After decades of industrial neglect in favour of finance and the government's more recent efforts to destroy Britain's manufacturing base, surprise has been voiced that the latest figures show continued decline. "We don't understand it," a Tory party spokesman told our reporter. "These figures are at total variance with our wishful thinking. We've done everything we can to support British industry - throwing thousands out of work, reducing wages and taking away worker's rights - but nothing seems to work. Its almost as if demand is important in an economy after all. Still, since we know that this isn't true, we have no choice but to continue flatening the British economy until it recovers for no apparent reason. The main thing is that rich people, who don't pay taxes, invest in Britain or buy anything British, are doing very well and we remain convinced that tax breaks for the very wealthy will improve the situation no end. In the meantime, while we are all waiting for an economic miracle to occur, we can still persecute the poor, disabled, the unemployed and pensioners to keep up Tory morale. As Greece demonstrates quite clearly, austerity is the way forward and we look forward to further riots in Britain this summer."

No comments:

Post a Comment