The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Allowing The Unemployed To Vote "Dangerous."

Alexandra Swann, having left the Tory party in favour of UKIP because it wasn't right-wing enough, has declared that allowing the unemployed to vote is "dangerous." We asked a UKIP spokesperson for the party's view; "Well, of course, any kind of voting is dangerous as far as we're concerned, but we feel that Alexandra has a point. It's a stupid point, considering that Britain is a sort of democracy, but still a point. To be honest we feel that UKIP is merely a half-way house for Alexandra as she loses the plot completely and drifts towards facism. Let's face it she's a brainless bimbo and, for us, that constitutes quite a catch. However, we feel that she's on to something here and we're willing to have a closer look at it. If we could ban all those who don't support us from voting it would certainly simplify things and, when you're as inacapable as us of complex thought, simplicity has a great deal to recommend it. I'm surprised the Tories didn't think of it themselves. It would certainly be a viable alternative to proportional representation."

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