The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Tories Appoint Advisor On The Basis That He's Common.

The Tories have appointed Shaun Ryder, a former member of the group Happy Mondays and runner-up in "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here," to act as an advisor on class issues. We asked a Tory party spokesman to comment; "We've recently realised that being upper class and with no interest at all in working people other than to screw money out of them, we have a bit of a problem connecting to the mass of people. To be honest we've been rumbled. So we looked around for the most common person we could find who was also rich enough to be entirely selfish and stupid. Shaun Ryder was a no-brainer, or at least he is a no-brainer, and he's selfish enough and dumb enough to vote Tory. Perfect." For his part Shaun Ryder made it abundantly plain why he would betray every working man and woman in the country; "I want to run for mayor of Salford, so I'm hoping my new mate Dave can help me out." Hmmm, nice.

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