The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

John Redwood Halts "Tax Nonsense."

John Redwood, the world's first alien politician, has called a halt to talk of Ministers having to declare their tax records. "It would be an invasion of privacy," he said while not turning a hair about government attempts to access our blogs, e-mails and Facebook entries. Meanwhile George Osborne, looking as if he'd just chewed a wasp, mumbled that he'd think about it. (Guess what the answer will eventually be?) Nigel Farange voiced the fear that such a measure would put rich people off from entering politics as if they would be a bad thing. The furore started when Ken Livingstone challenged Boris Johnson to publish his tax returns. Unfortunately for Ken he's a bit of a dab hand at avoiding tax as well and, after a day's thought, decided to hedge it around with all sorts of ifs, buts and maybies. To be fair, most politicians are a bunch of crooks who get up to every trick in the book to squeeze money out of the system for themselves and would have a fit of the vapours if their dirty little money-grubbing secrets became public. Many have come all over prim and proper, muttering about "invasions of privacy" and a growing prejudice against the wealthy. Lets face it, we are led by greedy and selfish career politicians whose only mission in life is to increase the size of their offshore bank accounts at our expense. They claim everything from a bag of crisps to a million-pound mansion, avoid paying tax like the plague and will take a back-hander at the drop of a hat and most of their tax returns would probably read like fairy tales. We should clear the whole rotten, corrupt bunch out and start again with a real democracy.

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