Lies, Damned Lies And Tory Backbenchers.

As well as gongs awarded in the forthcoming honours list, the various no-hopers, morons and ineffective ministers sacked by Cameron can expect to share a quarter of a million pounds in tax free "redundancy" money. You remember redundancy money - its the money ordinary people used to get when they were fired for reasons of "efficiency" but which has largely disappeared of late. Unfortunately these "sweetners" seem to have failed to do the trick as the new backbenchers queue up to attack their own party, government and leader. Cheryl Gillan, dismissed as Welsh Secretary, will spearhead the Tory opposition to the high-speed rail project, while Paul Burstow, the sacked LibDem health minister, now feels free to describe the Tory reform of the NHS as "dangerous" and seems to have suddenly rediscovered his political principles. Meanwhile Cameron has promoted several bozos of doubtful intellectual ability to positions where they can inflict the maximum of damage to the country. People like Chris Grayling, the man who believes in slavery and thinks its all right to discriminate against gays, promoted to the position of Justice Minister. Or Owen Patterson, who doesn't believe in global warming, thinks wind farms are a waste of money and wants to fast-track shale fracking, now promoted to head the Ministry for the Environment. Little wonder, then, that Cameron has increased the government budget for "marketing" - or as we would know it, hiding the truth and spinning lies.

Cameron Shuffles A Marked Deck.

Its not as if David Cameron has much to work with to be honest or had much room for manouvre. Removing George Osborne from his job of strangling the British economy would have been an admission that Tory ideology is bankrupt. Moving William Hague would have meant putting another clueless member of the cabinet at the Foreign Office without his ability to speak in deep stentorious tones. Removing Theresa May would have meant admitting that their attack on the police and the Border Agency is a home goal of spectacular proportions. He did ask Ian Duncan Smith if he was tired of torturing the sick, disabled and unemployed but apparently not - he refused to budge. (Which makes you wonder how much authority Cameron actually has in the government). So it was Lansley, who failed to privatise the NHS without anyone noticing, who moved aside for - of all people - Jeremy Hunt, the man who failed to get Murdoch's BSkyB deal through without anyone noticing. Hunt also happens to be an enthusiastic supporter of homeopathy - healthcare by magic potion and mumbo-jumbo. The new Justice Secretary, replacing the Herman Goering of the Tory party Ken Clarke, is Chris Grayling who believes in slavery and thinks that proprietors of B&B's should be allowed to bar homosexuals from their premises. So we now have a new look cabinet that is pretty much indistinguishable from the last. It is still full of vicious ideologues and second-raters, the smug and self-satisfied dregs of humanity raised to high places.

Coalition Welcomes Thief Back Into Government.

LibDem David Laws, who was sacked from the Coalition on account of being a thief, is to return to government. The Tories, recognising a man after their own heart, have welcomed the news and are looking forward to seeing his plans for ripping off poor people in support of the wealthy. "He is a great supporter of our deficit reduction plans," a leading Tory told our reporter, "and a tireless worker in making sure that his own deficit is paid for by the taxpayer. We realise that he might not be a popular choice - being a proven thief - but we see him as a steadfast ally in our master-plan to reduce the peasants to the level of poverty they deserve. We are hopeful that other known criminals will also be put back into the cabinet by David Cameron and that other bloke - er, whathisname - Nick Clegg. We need this calibre of man if the country is to prosper - well, at least the wealthy part which is the only one that counts." Other crooks, such as Baroness Warsi, will probably dropped in the forthcoming cabinet reshuffle because she's not sleazy enough but George Osborne, who is merely stupid, is expected the keep his job. Andrew Lansley, widely expected to wind up in prison after stealing the NHS, will also probably keep his job after David Cameron failed to find anyone, other than Ian Duncan Smith, slimy enough to replace him. Ian Duncan Smith has been reported as refusing the brief when he was told he wouldn't be able to torture the disabled or keep all the money from the sale of the NHS.

Cameron's Reshuffle To Boost Tory Dingbat Tendency.

The "Telegraph" is reporting today that Cameron will use the forthcoming cabinet reshuffle to strenghthen and reward the insane within the Tory Party. "Heavy hitters" like George Osborne, William Hague and Theresa May are too important to move and too stupid to give them any more responsibility and that gives Cameron little room for manouvre. It is strongly believed, therefore, that Boroness Warsi will lose her job as co-Chairman of the party because she's neither insane nor stupid enough. Close, but no cigar. She will probably be replaced by Chris Grayling, a great fan of both slave labour and kicking people in wheelchairs, or by Michael Fallon the deputy chairman who has the added advantage of being a wealthy nonentity with no known conscience. It is also widely believed that Jeremy Hunt, Rupert Murdoch's pal, will be given a new role without portfolio so no one will know what he's up to, while it is not beyond all possibility that Liam Fox will be snuck back in since he didn't go to prison after all. As a sop to the LibDems for failing to get anything at all out of the coalition it is believed that David Laws, who likes to steal taxpayers money, will be reinstated and given a cabinet job that probably involves stealing even more money. It is difficult to see how Cameron could create a cabinet with even more sociopaths than it has already but he seems willing to give it a go. All the rest of us can do is sit back and watch as this bunch of second-raters, conmen, thieves, pickpockets and serial killers make an even bigger mess of the country than they already have. The only question is, how long before the Olympics "euphoria" becomes a distant memory?