The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Cameron's Reshuffle To Boost Tory Dingbat Tendency.

The "Telegraph" is reporting today that Cameron will use the forthcoming cabinet reshuffle to strenghthen and reward the insane within the Tory Party. "Heavy hitters" like George Osborne, William Hague and Theresa May are too important to move and too stupid to give them any more responsibility and that gives Cameron little room for manouvre. It is strongly believed, therefore, that Boroness Warsi will lose her job as co-Chairman of the party because she's neither insane nor stupid enough. Close, but no cigar. She will probably be replaced by Chris Grayling, a great fan of both slave labour and kicking people in wheelchairs, or by Michael Fallon the deputy chairman who has the added advantage of being a wealthy nonentity with no known conscience. It is also widely believed that Jeremy Hunt, Rupert Murdoch's pal, will be given a new role without portfolio so no one will know what he's up to, while it is not beyond all possibility that Liam Fox will be snuck back in since he didn't go to prison after all. As a sop to the LibDems for failing to get anything at all out of the coalition it is believed that David Laws, who likes to steal taxpayers money, will be reinstated and given a cabinet job that probably involves stealing even more money. It is difficult to see how Cameron could create a cabinet with even more sociopaths than it has already but he seems willing to give it a go. All the rest of us can do is sit back and watch as this bunch of second-raters, conmen, thieves, pickpockets and serial killers make an even bigger mess of the country than they already have. The only question is, how long before the Olympics "euphoria" becomes a distant memory?

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