The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 3 August 2012

Tories Empty London

Even during the height of the Blitz in 1940 the streets of London remained as busy as ever during the day but the Tories have managed to do what even Hitler failed to do - they have all but emptied London. As many as 1.5 million people have arranged to work from home during the Olympics. Many of these people are Civil Servants but by far the largest number come from the banking industry. Most of these people will, of course, spend their days watching the Olympics - which just goes to show how needed these people really are - and partake in the feckless behaviour that they would like to believe that the unemployed and disabled indulge in. What is even more shocking, however, is that during the most prestigious sporting event in the world tourism is at an all-time low. Cafes, bars and hotels are virtually empty as people, especially foreign tourists, stay away in droves. How did this happen? The rot began to set in last summer when the riots that spread across London and the rest of the country showed the whole world that Tory cuts to the police force were an out-and-out disaster. Things got even worse when the Tories deliberately picked a fight with transport workers in London and brought on the threat of strike action during the Olympics. Then there was the pictures of huge queues at British airports as the Tories dismantled the Border Agency. Finally there was the debacle caused by the utter failure of G4S to provide the security they had contracted for at the Olympics themselves. The message sent out by the Tories to the rest of the world was clear - Britain is a dangerous place, is on the brink of revolution and is run by a bunch of ideologically driven morons who couldn't run a booze up in a brewery.

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