Eric Pickles in Charge of "Problem Families."

In a totally unexpected move today the government has appointed Eric Pickles as the minister in charge of problem families. It had been widely expected that the role would go to Ian Duncan Smith but LibDems, momentarily recovering from their collective coma, objected because IDS is regarded as a "social conservative." It remains a mystery as what other sort of social policy anyone in the Tory party might have. "The point is," a LibDem spokesperson told our reporter, "is that we see Eric Pickles as a more acceptable choice. We have absolute confidence that problem families, perhaps more than anything, need to be lectured by a smug, self-satisfied Tory who eats more in a day than they do in a week." David Cameron, taking a well-earned break from packing his case in case of an emergency holiday, said; "Eric pickles is the perfect man for the job. I had considered Boris for the role but he turned it down because he really wants my job. Since Eric's present role is simply to tell local councils, "No, you can't have any more money," I figured that he'd have plenty of time to lecture families who already have more problems than they can handle."