The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Parliament Vandalises the NHS.

Parliament today finally put a stake through the heart of the NHS as Tory MP's congratulated themselves on finally getting rid of their responsibility for the health of the nation. "Its quite a relief," an unnamed Tory MP told this reporter gleefully, "I never thought for one minute we'd get away with it. It just goes to show how easy it is to get the British public to agree with any nasty idea if its presented in the right way. I can't wait to have a go at my own pet project - child labour for council estate kids." Meanwhile the handful of LibDem MP's who had the nerve to turn up for the debate skulked at the back of the chamber and tried to look innocent. "Vote on the NHS? What vote on the NHS?" one of them told our reporter. Nick Clegg, who was unavailable for comment, said; "I am satisfied that this thinly disguised excuse to flog off the NHS to any bloodsucker who wants a piece of the action meets all the stringent criteria I insisted upon. It will only allow those people with no conscience at all to make money out of ordinary people's suffering and will guarantee that no one with money will ever die through any lack of care. All in all I think its a good deal for the country - especially for those with enough wealth to get in on it." A Labour spokesman said; "It's not entirely a disaster. The Tories have handed us a great tag line for the next election - "These bastards sold off your NHS" - soemthing like that." Asked wether they would reverse the "reforms" once they regain power the unnamed spokesman said; "Well, it'll be too late won't it? We'll just have to make the best of a bad job and cash in on it ourselves. I'll certainly be buying shares in it on my expenses - who wouldn't?"

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