The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Ed Milliband Tells Unions to Roll Over and Play Dead.

In a major speech at the TUC Conference Ed Milliband has told the unions that they should wag their tails when governments attack their member's insterests. He was heckled when he stated firmly that the unions should not strike over the destruction of public sector pensions. "There is no reason to strike," he lectured the packed conference. "I have a public sector pension and I'm all right jack. Your pensions might well be up for grabs but that's just tough luck. In fact you shouldn't strike for any reason whatsoever if that means that the Labour party has nasty things said about it in the Daily Mail. The most important thing is that Labour must win the next general election otherwise we won't be in power and get all those lovely government perks I know you want me to enjoy. And I promise you this - once I am in power I will lay out in precise detail why your pensions have to be stolen and why there is no alternative if the country is to be safe for all three branches of the Tory Party."

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