The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 9 September 2011

Eric Pickles Scams Local Councils.

Eric Pickles, it was revealed today, has been talking a load of old tosh for some time now. Although his plans for localism have generated a great deal of hot air they have generated very little in the way of action. "Well of course," Mr.Pickles told an unnamed whistleblower during one of his frequent doughnut breaks, "we had to come up with some sort of cover story for starving local government of funds and "localism" seemed to fit the bill. We've actually used it before - in fact the Tory party always uses this fairy tale to hide its real intentions. If you think about it it's the perfect confidence trick. We sell the whole thing on the basis of enhancing "local democracy" and then wash our hands of it and blame the councils for the resulting mess." Asked if this doesn't impact on Tory councils as well Mr.Pickles replied; "Well yes but, like me and the rest of the Tory party, Tory councillors are only in it for what they can get. We just put them on a bonus scheme disguised as "expenses" and they'd be happy to shaft their own mothers. Anyway there are always enough dimwits in the country to vote Tory on the basis of Margaret Thatcher's propaganda that the country's economy is like a household budget and that the country can save money by throwing everyone out of work."

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