Cameron Bravely Leads the "Somebody Do Something" Movement.

David Cameron has bravely grasped the nettle and called on someone else to do so something about the failing world economy. "We need growth," he told our reporter, "and I sincerely hope that someone else can provide it. We can't, of course, because we're too busy waiting for some one else to do it and don't want to spend any money. If we can get some other country to lead the way we can then take advantage by exporting our stuff to them. I call this policy "closing my eyes, crossing my fingers and hoping for the best." Unfortunately this policy has proven so popular that nearly every other national leader has adopted it too - selfish bastards." George Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer because of his experience as Cameron's "fag" at Eton, told our reporter. "If we can get everyone else to spend while we hold back and lecture them we stand a really good chance of making our bankers richer than theirs and end up in a really strong position. It's a matter of who blinks first - or at least who's population rises in revolt first. We're hoping it will be Germany or France. Then we can jump up and down and frighten our own population into acquiesence. Good plan isn't it?"