Andrew Lansley Blames Labour For His Policies.

Andrew Lansley, Minister For Privatising the NHS, has accused Labour of wrecking the NHS before he had a chance to do so himself. "It's not fair," he told our reporter. "Screwing up the NHS is my job. They set up Private Finance Initiatives which the NHS can no longer afford after I've taken the necessary funds away. This was obviously a devious ploy to force a future Tory government into maintaining the levels of funding that has now badly backfired. They should have known that we would hve no qualms about slashing the health budget even when we told voters that we wouldn't. What's wrong with these people?" Andrew Lansley, who prides himself on being a two-faced liar, or as other people would call it, a Tory, is a serial offender in this regard and has been described by those closest to him as "a twat." Despite this he has been tipped as a future leader of the party. One Tory party spokesperson told us; "You have to admire the sheer sleaziness of his campaign against the public and his determination to flog off the NHS to organ harvesters and other international criminals. Even for our party he really is a stinker - perfect leadership material as far as we're concerned."