Taliban Launch New "Hearts and Minds" Campaign In Kabul.

In an attempt to bolster their flagging support, the Tiliban have decided to kill as many innocent people as they can in Kabul. The city, which is the capital of a large geographical area occupying the spaces between several real countries, has been shaken all day by gunfire and mortar rounds. "We feel that we have to get our point of view across," A Taliban spokesman told our reporter. "No one listens to us anymore after the head of our Public Relations Department, Osama Bin Laden, died unexpectedly this year. We've looked for a replacement, but, for some reason, there hasn't been many applications for the job. Nick Clegg, an obscure politician from England looking for his next job applied but, having looked into his background, we decided he was just too unpopular. We know we're in a battle for the hearts and minds of people and have decided that our best tactic is to seperate people from these two things."