The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 9 September 2011

Severn Trent Water Scam.

In a scam of breathtaking simplicity and sheer brass neck, Severn Trent have "privatised" pipes and handed over responsibility for them to householders. Within a week of notifying home owners of this move they have then tried to sell these same home owners insurance to cover them against blockages, breaks and unspecified "liabilities" for their newly acquired pipework. When asked to comment Severn Trent declined to do so and referred our reporter to their solicitors, Spiv, Conman and Pickpocket, who told us; "Our client believes that home owners have been itching to own these underground pipes and they've decided to give way in the face of mounting pressure to hand them over." When asked what the conditions of these pipes might be the solicitors continued; "Well, of course, our client doesn't own these pipes so they have no responsibility to conduct such a survey. And,I would like to remind you, it is not their place to pry into the private affairs of their marks - sorry, customers." Local MP's, bracing themselves for an onslaught of complaints when their constituents realise what Severn Trent have been up to, have come together and decided to keep quiet in the hope that it will all simply go away.

No comments:

Post a Comment