Trade Unions Bite Back

In an uncharacteristic show of defiance Trade Unions are balloting their members for strike action against the Tory-led coalition attempt to steal their pensions. A Tory spokesman told us; "This is outrageous, especially when we're pretending to have talks with them. That they should come out on strike to protect their member's interests and show us up for the mealy-mouthed, two-faced, liars we are is both baffling and extremely inconvenient. What's the matter with these people? Don't they understand that they have to make sacrifices in order for people like us to remain rich and be smug about it?" Ed Milliband was distraught when we interviewed him; "It's bleeding tragic," he told us. "Just when people were beginning to forget that the Labour party has anything to do with the trade unions, they drag it all up again. Why can't they just stay quiet while we sell out their interests? I have a public-sector pension and I'm not complaining." We asked Professor Rightleaning, a leading expert on pensions from Oxford University, for his opinion; "Pensions are designed to be stolen by governments. Indeed, one might say that's what they're for and actually constitute a new form of taxation in this country which might be categorized under the general heading of "outright theft." That aside, the unions have no right whatsoever to protect their members interests and should move aside so that the rich and unscrupulous can get on with the job of making Britain into country safe for fascism."