Banks "Confident" They Can Save Their Own Skin.

After a full week of patting themselves on the back for the success they've enjoyed so far in getting world leaders to pauperise their own citizens, the IMF is "confident" that they can get away with even more confidence tricks. "If we can persuade Greece to completely destroy its own economy and Italy to start down the same road," an IMF insider told our reporter, "we've got it made. We've already persuaded European leaders to lend Greece a shed load of money in return for flogging off their own assets so they can pay us back for all those bad investments we made there. We've got entire continents frightened that we'll lower their credit rating unless they give us back the money we lost. Talk about a win/win situation!" Meanwhile politicians were busy blaming each other for the mess in the mistaken belief that they are in charge of their own economies. "All we need is more growth," David Cameron told "The News in Shorts, " "and I remain confident that carving up Greece's public services will provide the necessary plunder - sorry, opportunities for private enterprise - that will save the rest of us. I'm glad to see that the country that gave Europe the basis of its entire culture is now ready to sacrifice itself for the rest of us - not that we gave them much choice."