The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday 11 September 2011

Coaliton Attempts Suicide.

In keeping with their general level of insanity the coalition is about to attempt suicide by annoying its own MP's. In keeping with their pledge to trim the legislature, the government will announce next week which 50 seats will be going when they cut the number of MP's at Westminster. A Tory spokesperson told us; "Of course most of the seats about to disappear will, by sheer coincidence, be safe Labour seats occupied by the shadow cabinet. But, in an attempt to provide some cover for what is essentially gerrymandering, there will be a handful of LibDems seats going and one or two Tory ones. That's where the problems start," the spokesperson added gloomily, "especially amongst those bloody LibDems. We're all a bit nervous the ones who are going might get bolshy and cause us trouble. What with inadvertantly pissing off the armed forces and the police this might turn into a triple whammy. I wish we could just put it off to be honest." Ed Milliband, wearing his new school uniform, said; "They're even talking about me losing my seat. You wait 'till we're in power and have the chance to get our own back."

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