Qadhafi, Gaddafi, Gadaffi - Whatever.

In a statement to the House of Commons today David Cameron tackled the burning question of Libya head on. "It's been brought to my attention that Colonel Qadhafi's name has been spelled in several different ways by the BBC - often during the same news item. Having taken advice and after widely consulting with some very clever experts who actually speak Libyanese we have come to the conclusion that it is spelled Qadhafi - at least in English. In Libyanese the name consists of unintelligable squiggles and can be safely ignored. Teachers have been put on alert over this problem and we expect that British children will soon know how to spell the name correctly." The Prime Minister was forced to give way at one stage by a particularly pushy Labour backbencher who demanded; "What the bleeding hell are you wittering on about you thick Etonian twat? They speak Arabic in Libya not bloody Libyanese. We want to know about your exit strategy." Seemingly discommoded for a brief instant the Prime Minister batted the question back by answering the question he wished he been asked. "I'm glad the Right Honourable member for Some Obscure Northern Town asked me that. It is my governments intention to have the oil flowing out of Libya as soon as possible and we fully expect the price of petrol at the pumps to fall any year now." Forced to give way again by two hundred and fifty howling opposition MP's, the question was asked again by Fred Smith, MP for An Even More Obscure Northern Town. "I refer the Right Honourable Member to my previous answer," Cameron told him sternly before he was felled by a well-aimed point of order. He then gave way to a Conservative backbencher who asked; "Would the Prime Minister agree with me that he is absolutely wonderful." Meanwhile in Libya Colonel Whatever told reporters, "It's spelled any bloody way I want. Bugger the BBC - and Cameron, he can sod off too."