The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Theresa May Admits She's A Politician.

In front of a Home Affairs Committee today Theresa May admitted that she talked a load of old tosh during the recent riots. "Ok," she admitted, "I didn't order the police to cancel all leave or tell them how to handle the riots, but I thought it would enhance my reputation if I said I had. I mean, come on, riots are a godsend for any unscrupulous politician aren't they? They make it possible to sound more important than you actually are and give you the perfect opportunity to talk tough about crime. And, as I pointed out at the time, I got back from my holiday well before that twat David Cameron - so there!" Asked about her unwarranted assumption that the riots were the result of gang activity, she told the committee; "I know, bloody disappointing wasn't it? If we could have blamed gangs - especially the black ones - it would have made our cover story, that it was all criminal in nature, a bit more believable. Now I suppose we'll have to put up with all those bleeding social workers and do-gooders pointing out the problems caused by social deprevation. It's bloody depressing I can tell you."

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