Another Incompetent Banker Resigns.

In a show of great humility the CEO of UBS, Oswald Gruebel, has resigned in the wake of yet another "rogue trader" scandal. Brought out of retirement to help with the debt crisis at the bank Herr Gruebel has made the amazing discovery that he's part of the problem rather than part of the solution. "He's mortified," an insider at UBS told our reporter, "but not so mortified that he'll refuse the stupendously large "golden handshake" he's earned for a whole two years work." Meanwhile, Kweku Adoboli the "rogue trader" in question defended his actions; "I worked my way up from the bottom, having obtained an on-line degree in Advanced Trading from the University of Antartica. I was recruited by UBS who carefully checked my qualifications before they handed over billions of pounds of assets for me to play with. It was then that it all went horribly wrong and I found out I didn't actually have a clue as to what I was doing. That didn't seem to bother UBS too much and, by then, I had a £6 million mortgage to service and a string of "girlfriends" who kept asking me for money for some reason. It was a nightmare so I did what all bankers are trained to do - I stole huge amounts of money, gambled it away and then resorted to false accounting. To be honest I don't know what all the fuss is about."