The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 10 September 2011

Tories Accused of Hypocrisy Over Changes to Planning Laws.

In a shock revelation today the "Guardian" has pointed out that the Tory party has been grossly hypocritical in its approach to planning. The entire cabinet, despite their support for the proposed changes to the planning laws, have opposed building development in their own constituencies - including a memorial to Princess Diana. Asked to comment on this disturbing story Eric Pickles told our reporter; "Ah well, this is entirely different. In my own case I opposed the building of social housing in the countryside because it would interfere with the murder of innocent grouse and the reestablishment of fox hunting. The relaxation of the law that we are now proposing is to allow the building of slum housing for the peasants by unscrupulous landlords who, as you know, are amongst our staunchest supporters. We were never opposed to all development - only that kind of development that benefits poor people. Benefitting rich people with no morals whatsoever is an entirely different proposition - we have to make Britain a fit place for the greedy and selfish." Asked how the LibDems could possibly go along with such a change in favour of already wealthy people Nick Clegg said; "There's nothing wrong with being wealthy. I'm wealthy and I'm a wonderful person and I thoroughly deserve to make even more money. The problem is with poor people who will insist in getting in the way and making a thorough nuisance of themselves. Increasing inequality is perfectly in keeping with liberal principles." Ed Milliband told our reporter; "We tried to pull a similar stunt when we were in office but both the Tories and the LibDems opposed it. I suppose they wanted to stop it until they got into power so they could get the "donations" from property developers. I'm pretty miffed I can tell you."

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