The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Cameron Wins in Libya.

A triumphant David Cameron has returned to Britain this weekend after personally leading the Libyan insurgents in their liberation of their country. "I am normally of very modest man," Cameron told reporters, "but I ma happy to report that my victory in Libya is on a par with the defeat of Hannibal by Scipio Africanus. Libya hasn't seen the like of my genius since Erwin Rommel swept through the country seventy years ago! I'm so wonderful that I firmly believe I must now sweep to victory if a general elction is ever held in Britain again." Asked how he was able to win such a stunning military victory the Prime Minister added. "I used my ever-expanding military assets in the most cost-efficient way possible and bombed the crap out of anything that moved. Our fleet of aircraft carriers were my most valuable asset and some of the pilots were quite useful too." Asked how he will fight such wars in the future Cameron said. "Next time I will use private enterprise battalions on the ground and follow this up with a devastating ideological blitzkreig consisting of a lecture about the value of volunteering." The Syrian leader is rumoured to be quaking in his boots.

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