David Cameron Lies to Parliament.

David Cameron infuriated everyone except the Tory party today by claiming, during the so-called debate on the NHS in parliament, that health professionals all support the reforms. Cameron, protected by Parliamentary Privilege which basically means you can tell as many porkies (for our American readers; pork pies = lies) as you like, made this astounding and completely unfounded assertion to a hushed House of Commons who couldn't believe his barefaced cheek. "You have to admire his sheer unprincipled manipulation of the truth," an unnamed member of his cabinet offered, "but that's why he's our leader. No self-respecting Tory would ever stoop to telling the truth, but David takes it to a whole new level." Asked for his comments, Ed Milliband, the less well known of the Milliband brothers, said; "I'm flaberghasted - my ghast has never been so flabby." We had the agree. Meanwhile a red-faced Nick Clegg was seen at the back of the chamber trying to persuade his fellow party members that modern liberal thought was all for the privilege of the rich, especially in health care. "Look," he told them, "we're all in this together and if a bunch of Tory chancers and spivs plan to make money out of the NHS then we should too." A spokesperson for the NHS told us; "You have to take such outright lies in your stride when dealing with the Tories but, in this case, I really do think Cameron should have his tongue stapled to the roof of his mouth. If he hurries we could still do it for free."