Cameron Caves In To Bankers.

In a completely unexpected move David Cameron has today turned tail and run away from the bankers and city fatcats by refusing to regulate their insane behaviour. Asked why David Cameron admitted; "As a Tory and a fully paid up member of the fatcat club I have absolutely no stomach for this fight. I would far rather destroy utterly the whole economic basis of the western world than have these people say nasty things about me." George Osbourne, reputed to be Chancellor of the Exchequer, made a similar confession; "You have to realise that I am a very rich man and, consequently, have absolutely no interest in protecting this country from the banks if that means I might lose a few quid." Asked whether he had a duty to do what is best for the country he replied. "Absolutely not! My first duty must always be to myself and the people I happened to go to school with. The people have to understand that their sacrifice is completely necessary if I am to protect my money." Nick Clegg was unavailable for comment as David Cameron and George Osbourne had stuffed his head down a toilet, but Vince Cable was wheeled out and told what to say. Unable to bring himself to do so a recording of his previous comments was played to reporters. "There is no alternative, there is no alternative, there is no alternative....." he was heard to repeat over and over in a voice reminiscent of a dalek. Meanwhile a spokesperson for the opposition, office junior Ed Milliband, said; "This is a disgraceful climb down by the government and I for one am glad that I didn't have to do it." Asked if he would have tackled the banks head on he replied, "Not on your bloody life! I've got no more stomach for this than Cameron and Osbourne, but that won't stop me telling everyone that they should do something."