Italy Closed Until Further Notice.

After their resounding successes in Greece, Spain and Ireland, the European Bank has closed Italy for the time being as a general strike sweeps the country. "We had no choice," a spokesperson for the bank told us today. "With politicians frightened that their pet project, the Euro, might be in danger it's either this or a nuclear strike and the Vatican objected to that. People in Europe have to understand that many of our leading politicians have staked their reputations on the Euro and, if destroying the European economy and throwing everyone out of work is the only way out, it's a price worth paying. Picking on the Italians also has the desired effect of taking everyone's attention away from Greece, Spain and Portugal." Asked for his take on this latest European political and economic crisis the part-time Prime Minister of Britain, David Cameron, said; "I'm glad we didn't join the Euro even if that hasn't made a blind bit of difference to our own economic meltdown. I was in Italy recently it might surprise you to hear and, I must say, I didn't notice any stirrings of unrest at my private villa. Then again I didn't notice any stirrings of unrest in England before the riots either. It's all very mysterious don't you think?"