The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 24 February 2012

Upside Down In The Looking-Glass Tory World.

When the Tories were helped over the final obstacle to power - the fact that they hadn't won the election - by a starstuck LibDem party, David Cameron set about the task of filling the cabinet office with greatest number of dingbats, the mentally subnormal, religious maniacs and the downright evil that he could find. The result was Andrew Lansley, suicidally arrogant, as Minister for Health, George Osborne, who couldn't find his arse with both hands, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, Baroness Warsi, who longs to be English, male and Christian, as party Chairman and Ian Duncan Smith, who would have done sterling service at Aushwitz, as Minister for Work and Pensions. Other members of this freakshow included Michael Gove, who believes the King James Bibile can cure failing schools, Thersa May, who regards porous national borders as "unfortunate" (at least for her) and Chris Grayling who doesn't believe that unpaid work under compulsion is actually slavery. Having assembled this unattractive crew whose only reaction to anything is knee-jerk, Cameron then set about turning the world on its head. "Capitalism is out of control," he told the electorate and then turned on the poor to bail out the wealthy. "The NHS is safe in our hands," he assured us and then tried to flog it off to his mates. "Britain will remain strong," he sternly warned the rest of the world and then sacked almost the entire armed forces. "We must get Britain working," he reassured us, then sacked everyone else. Now, today, we have yet more examples of "Cameron in Wonderland," with Lloyds TSB still handing out eye-watering bonuses despite stupendous loses and a collapse of its share price, HMRC targetting market traders while ignoring the billions being glumbed out of Britain by the likes of Goldman Sachs and the "Telegraph" calling for more privatisation of the public sector because they help to expose fraud! Upside down, through the looking glass, down the rabbit hole - all are descriptions that fit Britain today, while we all tuck into our gruel and humble pie at the behest of the man in the top hat with a label that reads 10/6.

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